Clyde now was actually part and parcel of this local winter social scene. The Griffiths having introduced him totheir friends and connections, it followed as a matter of course that he would be received in most homes here.
But in this very limited world, where quite every one who was anything at all knew every one else, the state ofone's purse was as much, and in some instances even more, considered than one's social connections. For these local families of distinction were convinced that not only one's family but one's wealth was the be-all and end-allof every happy union meant to include social security. And in consequence, while considering Clyde as one whowas unquestionably eligible socially, still, because it had been whispered about that his means were very slender,they were not inclined to look upon him as one who might aspire to marriage with any of their daughters. Hence,while they were to the fore with invitations, still in so far as their own children and connections were concernedthey were also to the fore with precautionary hints as to the inadvisability of too numerous contacts with him.
However, the mood of Sondra and her group being friendly toward him, and the observations and comments oftheir friends and parents not as yet too definite, Clyde continued to receive invitations to the one type ofgathering that most interested him--that which began and ended with dancing. And although his purse was short,he got on well enough. For once Sondra had interested herself in him, it was not long before she began to realizewhat his financial state was and was concerned to make his friendship for her at least as inexpensive as possible.
And because of this attitude on her part, which in turn was conveyed to Bertine, Grant Cranston and others, itbecame possible on most occasions for Clyde, especially when the affair was local, to go here and there withoutthe expenditure of any money. Even when the affair was at any point beyond Lycurgus and he consented to go,the car of another was delegated to pick him up.
Frequently after the New Year's Eve trip to Schenectady, which proved to be an outing of real import to bothClyde and Sondra--seeing that on that occasion she drew nearer to him affectionately than ever before--it wasSondra herself who chose to pick him up in her car. He had actually succeeded in impressing her, and in a waythat most flattered her vanity at the same time that it appealed to the finest trait in her--a warm desire to havesome one, some youth like Clyde, who was at once attractive and of good social station, dependent upon her. Sheknew that her parents would not countenance an affair between her and Clyde because of his poverty. She hadoriginally not contemplated any, though now she found herself wishing that something of the kind might be.
However, no opportunity for further intimacies occurred until one night about two weeks after the New Year'sparty. They were returning from a similar affair at Amsterdam, and after Bella Griffiths and Grant and BertineCranston had been driven to their respective homes, Stuart Finchley had called back: "Now we'll take you home,Griffiths." At once Sondra, swayed by the delight of contact with Clyde and not willing to end it so soon, said
If you want to come over to our place, I'll make some hot chocolate before you go home. Would you like that?""Oh, sure I would," Clyde had answered gayly.
Here goes then," called Stuart, turning the car toward the Finchley home. "But as for me, I'm going to turn in.
It's way after three now.""That's a good brother. Your beauty sleep, you know," replied Sondra.
And having turned the car into the garage, the three made their way through the rear entrance into the kitchen.
Her brother having left them, Sondra asked Clyde to be seated at a servants' table while she brought theingredients. But he, impressed by this culinary equipment, the like of which he had never seen before, gazedabout wondering at the wealth and security which could sustain it.
My, this is a big kitchen, isn't it?" he remarked. "What a lot of things you have here to cook with, haven't you?"And she, realizing from this that he had not been accustomed to equipment of this order before coming toLycurgus and hence was all the more easily to be impressed, replied: "Oh, I don't know. Aren't all kitchens as bigas this?"Clyde, thinking of the poverty he knew, and assuming from this that she was scarcely aware of anything less thanthis, was all the more overawed by the plethora of the world to which she belonged. What means! Only to thinkof being married to such a girl, when all such as this would become an everyday state. One would have a cookand servants, a great house and car, no one to work for, and only orders to give, a thought which impressed himgreatly. It made her various self-conscious gestures and posings all the more entrancing. And she, sensing theimport of all this to Clyde, was inclined to exaggerate her own inseparable connection with it. To him, more thanany one else, as she now saw, she shone as a star, a paragon of luxury and social supremacy.
Having prepared the chocolate in a commonplace aluminum pan, to further impress him she sought out a heavilychased silver service which was in another room. She poured the chocolate into a highly ornamented urn andthen carried it to the table and put it down before him. Then swinging herself up beside him, she said: "Now, isn'tthis chummy? I just love to get out in the kitchen like this, but I can only do it when the cook's out. He won't letany one near the place when he's here.""Oh, is that so?" asked Clyde, who was quite unaware of the ways of cooks in connection with private homes--aninquiry which quite convinced Sondra that there must have been little if any real means in the world from whichhe sprang. Nevertheless, because he had come to mean so much to her, she was by no means inclined to turnback. And so when he finally exclaimed: "Isn't it wonderful to be together like this, Sondra? Just think, I hardlygot a chance to say a word to you all evening, alone," she replied, without in any way being irritated by thefamiliarity, "You think so? I'm glad you do," and smiled in a slightly supercilious though affectionate way.
And at the sight of her now in her white satin and crystal evening gown, her slippered feet swinging so intimatelynear, a faint perfume radiating to his nostrils, he was stirred. In fact, his imagination in regard to her was reallyinflamed. Youth, beauty, wealth such as this--what would it not mean? And she, feeling the intensity of hisadmiration and infected in part at least by the enchantment and fervor that was so definitely dominating him, wasswayed to the point where she was seeing him as one for whom she could care--very much. Weren't his eyesbright and dark--very liquid and eager? And his hair! It looked so enticing, lying low upon his white forehead.
She wished that she could touch it now--smooth it with her hands and touch his cheeks. And his hands--theywere thin and sensitive and graceful. Like Roberta, and Hortense and Rita before her, she noticed them.
But he was silent now with a tightly restrained silence which he was afraid to liberate in words. For he wasthinking: "Oh, if only I could say to her how beautiful I really think she is. If I could just put my arms around herand kiss her, and kiss her, and kiss her, and have her kiss me in the same way." And strangely, considering hisfirst approaches toward Roberta, the thought was without lust, just the desire to constrain and fondle a perfectobject. Indeed, his eyes fairly radiated this desire and intensity. And while she noted this and was in part madedubious by it, since it was the thing in Clyde she most feared--still she was intrigued by it to the extent ofwishing to know its further meaning.
And so she now said, teasingly: "Was there anything very important you wanted to say?""I'd like to say a lot of things to you, Sondra, if you would only let me," he returned eagerly. "But you told menot to.""Oh, so I did. Well, I meant that, too. I'm glad you mind so well." There was a provoking smile upon her lips andshe looked at him as much as to say: "But you don't really believe I meant all of that, do you?"Overcome by the suggestion of her eyes, Clyde got up and, taking both her hands in his and looking directly intoher eyes, said: "You didn't mean all of it, then, did you, Sondra? Not all of it, anyhow. Oh, I wish I could tell youall that I am thinking." His eyes spoke, and now sharply conscious again of how easy it was to inflame him, andyet anxious to permit him to proceed as he wished, she leaned back from him and said, "Oh, yes, I'm sure I did.
You take almost everything too seriously, don't you?" But at the same time, and in spite of herself, herexpression relaxed and she once more smiled.
I can't help it, Sondra. I can't! I can't!" he began, eagerly and almost vehemently. "You don't know what effectyou have on me. You're so beautiful. Oh, you are. You know you are. I think about you all the time. Really I do,Sondra. You've made me just crazy about you, so much so that I can hardly sleep for thinking about you. Gee,I'm wild! I never go anywhere or see you any place but what I think of you all the time afterward. Even to- nightwhen I saw you dancing with all those fellows I could hardly stand it. I just wanted you to be dancing with me-noone else. You've got such beautiful eyes, Sondra, and such a lovely mouth and chin, and such a wonderfulsmile."He lifted his hands as though to caress her gently, yet holding them back, and at the same time dreamed into hereyes as might a devotee into those of a saint, then suddenly put his arms about her and drew her close to him.
She, thrilled and in part seduced by his words, instead of resisting as definitely as she would have in any othercase, now gazed at him, fascinated by his enthusiasms. She was so trapped and entranced by his passion for herthat it seemed to her now as though she might care for him as much as he wished. Very, very much, if she onlydared. He, too, was beautiful and alluring to her. He, too, was really wonderful, even if he were poor--so muchmore intense and dynamic than any of these other youths that she knew here. Would it not be wonderful if, herparents and her state permitting, she could share with him completely such a mood as this? Simultaneously thethought came to her that should her parents know of this it might not be possible for her to continue thisrelationship in any form, let alone to develop it or enjoy it in the future. Yet regardless of this thought now,which arrested and stilled her for a moment, she continued to yearn toward him. Her eyes were warm andtender-- her lips wreathed with a gracious smile.
I'm sure I oughtn't to let you say all these things to me. I know I shouldn't," she protested weakly, yet looking athim affectionately. "It isn't the right thing to do, I know, but still--""Why not? Why isn't it right, Sondra? Why mayn't I when I care for you so much?" His eyes became cloudedwith sadness, and she, noting it, exclaimed: "Oh, well," then paused, "I--I--" She was about to add, "Don't thinkthey would ever let us go on with it," but instead she only replied, "I guess I don't know you well enough.""Oh, Sondra, when I love you so much and I'm so crazy about you! Don't you care at all like I care for you?"Because of the uncertainty expressed by her, his eyes were now seeking, frightened, sad. The combination had anintense appeal for her. She merely looked at him dubiously, wondering what could be the result of such aninfatuation as this. And he, noting the wavering something in her own eyes, pulled her closer and kissed her.
Instead of resenting it she lay for a moment willingly, joyously, in his arms, then suddenly sat up, the thought ofwhat she was permitting him to do--kiss her in this way--and what it must mean to him, causing her on theinstant to recover all her poise. "I think you'd better go now," she said definitely, yet not unkindly. "Don't you?"And Clyde, who himself had been surprised and afterwards a little startled, and hence reduced by his ownboldness, now pleaded rather weakly, and yet submissively. "Angry?"And she, in turn sensing his submissiveness, that of the slave for the master, and in part liking and in partresenting it, since like Roberta and Hortense, even she preferred to be mastered rather than to master, shook herhead negatively and a little sadly.
It's very late," was all she said, and smiled tenderly.
And Clyde, realizing that for some reason he must not say more, had not the courage or persistence or thebackground to go further with her now, went for his coat and, looking sadly but obediently back at her, departed.