Peggotty had come to London with me, as she was feeling rather lonely after Barkis's death and Daniel's departure, and I could not stop myself telling her all about Dora. She was very interested, and most encouraging.
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All this time I had gone on loving Dora more than ever.
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The more evil there seemed to be in the world, the more brightly Dora's star shone down on me. I am sure I considered her a beautiful angel, far above the rest of us poor humans, and I had no real hope of persuading her to love me.
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"The young lady should be very proud to have such a handsome, intelligent young man as you, Master Davie!" she cried. "And I'm sure her father will be delighted to accept you as her husband!" But I could not share her hopeful view of the situation.
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However, a wonderful thing happened. During a long conversation with Mr Spenlow in the office, he mentioned that it was Dora's birthday the following week, and invited me to a picnic to celebrate it. As soon as I heard this, I went completely mad, and could not think at all clearly. In the next week I bought expensive new clothes and boots, and arranged to hire a handsome white horse. On the day of the picnic, I got up at six in the morning and went to Govent Garden market to buy the freshest and most beautiful flowers for Dora, and by ten o'clock I was riding towards the Spenlows' house.
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How lovely Dora looked, in her sky-blue dress and white hat, when I met her in the garden in front of the house! And when she accepted my flowers with delight, I almost thought I would die of happiness.
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Sitting next to Dora was a young lady I had not noticed before. Although she was only about twenty, she looked very calm and wise. I later discovered that she had had an unhappy experience in love, and had decided never again to become personally involved in matters of the heart.
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"You'll be glad to hear, Mr Copperfield," she said, smiling prettily, "that cross Miss Murdstone isn't here. She'll be away for at least three weeks. Instead I have my dear friend, Miss Julia Mills, here with me."
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"How delightful for you!" I answered, blushing as I always did when I spoke to Dora. "And everything that is delightful to you is delightful to me, Miss Spenlow!" Miss Mills said nothing, but smiled kindly on us both.
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To get to the picnic place, which was some way from the house, Mr Spenlow, Dora and Miss Mills drove in an open carriage, while I rode by their side on my handsome white horse. I shall never have such a ride again. Dora sat with her back to the horses, looking towards me, and holding my flowers close to her sweet face. Our eyes often met, and I am surprised I did not fall off my horse. I did not notice the dust, or the road we were taking, Sometimes Mr Spenlow spoke to me about the scenery, and I replied politely, but I cannot remember what I said. All I could see was Dora.
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When we started eating, I saw to my horror that Red Moustache was sitting, with a huge plate of chicken, at Dora's feet! I could not think clearly, but I pretended to be cheerful. I sat with a young lady dressed in pink, and talked amusingly to her, and looked at her, and fetched her whatever she needed. Sometimes I looked over at Dora, and she looked back at me, but she had Red Moustache and I had the young lady in pink.
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I was very disappointed when we arrived, to find that other guests had been invited. I was quite jealous even of the ladies, because they talked to Dora and took her away from me, but I hated all the men as soon as I saw them. There was a very unpleasant, talkative man with a red moustache, who insisted he knew all about preparing food, and soon had most of the young ladies round him. One of them was Dora. I felt that he was now my worst enemy.
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After the meal, the young lady's mother took her away, and I walked alone into a wood, feeling angry and desperate. I was just planning to ride away on my handsome white horse, although I did not know where to, when I saw Dora and Miss Mills coming to meet me.
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"Mr Copperfield," said Miss Mills, "You are unhappy."
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"And Dora," continued Miss Mills, "you are unhappy."
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"No, no, Miss Mills!" I protested firmly. "Perfectly happy!"
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"Mr Copperfield and Dora," said Miss Mills, looking old and wise, "enough of this foolishness! You love each other! Confess it and be happy! Take the chance that life offers you! Listen to one who speaks from bitter experience!"
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"Oh good heavens, no, Julia!" cried Dora. "Not at all!"
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So I fetched the guitar, and I held her gloves, and I sat beside her while she sang. And I knew that in that great crowd of people she was singing only for me, who loved her.
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I was so hot and excited that I took Dora's little hand immediately and kissed it -- and she let me! I kissed Miss Mills's hand too, and life seemed wonderful again.
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Dora shyly put her arm in mine and we walked about together, until, much too soon, we heard the other guests calling her name. So we had to go back, and when they wanted Dora to sing a song, Red Moustache offered to fetch the guitar from the carriage for her. But Dora told him nobody except me knew where it was.
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"Dora is coming to stay with me," she told me quietly, "the day after tomorrow. Perhaps you would like to visit us?"
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When the guests left, I rode beside the carriage all the way back to the Spenlows' house. Mr Spenlow, who had drunk a lot of wine, was asleep in his seat, and Miss Mills was smiling in a motherly way, as Dora and I whispered happily to each other. Once Miss Mills called me to her side of the carriage.
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"Miss Mills! How can I ever thank you?" I said. "What a friend you are -- to Miss Spenlow and me!"
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When we arrived at the Spenlows' house, I had to say goodbye to Dora and ride back to London. On the way, I remembered everything she had done or said ten thousand times. I decided I had to tell her I loved her as soon as possible, and ask whether she loved me too. It was the most important question in the world, and only Dora could give me the answer to it.
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So, two days later, I dressed in my finest clothes and went to the address Miss Mills had given me. The servant took me to the sitting-room, where I found Julia Mills learning a song, and Dora painting the flowers I had given her! After a short conversation Miss Mills made an excuse and left the room, and Dora and I were alone together.
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"I hope your poor horse wasn't tired the other night," said Dora, raising her beautiful eyes to mine. "It was a long way for him, to and from the picnic place."
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There was a moment's silence. Then Dora said, "You didn't seem to care for that happiness earlier in the day, when you were sitting with the lady in pink. But I expect you don't mean what you say. And of course you're quite free to do whatever you like!"
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I must ask her today! I thought. My whole body was trembling. "It was a long way for him," I answered. "For me it seemed very short, because of my happiness in being so near you."
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I don't know how I did it. It happened so quickly. Suddenly I had Dora in my arms and I couldn't stop speaking. I told her how I loved her. I told her I would die without her. And when she blushed and cried a little, I said I had loved her day and night since the moment I had first seen her. I told her that nobody had ever loved or could ever love as much as I loved her.
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Somehow I found myself sitting quietly next to Dora on the sofa, holding her little hand. We were engaged! I suppose we realized that one day we would get married, but for the moment we were going to keep our engagement secret from Mr Spenlow. When Miss Mills came in, she was delighted to hear our news, and promised to help us as much as possible.
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"My dear Traddles," I replied, "yes, I'm very sorry, I've been visiting my -- Miss, D, you know."
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"I expect she lives in London, doesn't she? Mine -- that's Sopby -- beautiful name, isn't it? Mine lives in Devon, I think I told you. So I don't see her very often. She really is the dearest girl! She's very busy at home, you know, looking after the other nine children. And her mother, who's unable to walk."
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Now began one of the happiest times of my life. When I look back, I see how foolish I was, but how loving and sincere! I visited Dora every day, and I did not have time for anyone or anything else. But in the middle of my excitement I suddenly thought of Agnes, of her clear calm eyes and her gentle face, and I sat down immediately to write to her, and tell her all about Dora. I knew that as my adopted sister she would share my happiness, and I wanted her approval.
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One day when Peggotty and I were having tea in my flat, Tommy Traddles came to visit me. "My dear Copperfield!" he cried. "I've been several times before, but you've been out."
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"What a wonderful girl she must be!" I agreed politely. "And tell me, Traddles, how is Mr Micawber?"
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"So nothing has turned up for him yet? And what abut the money you lent him, Traddles?"
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Before I could reply, we heard footsteps on the stairs. I was very surprised to see my aunt coming upstairs. She was carrying two cases and her cat, and was followed closely by Mr Dick, carrying two more cases.
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"I'm not living in his house at the moment," said Traddles, "because his creditors demanded payment of his debts recently, and he had to move to another house. To avoid these unpleasant men, he's even changed his name to Mortimer, and he only comes out of the house after dark, wearing glasses."
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"My dear aunt!" I cried. "What an unexpected pleasure!" We kissed each other, and I shook hands with Mr Dick. Traddles left quietly, as he could see we would be discussing family matters. Peggotty made some more tea for my aunt, who had sat down heavily on her cases.
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"I'm afraid I may not get it back. But Mr Micawber promises to give it back one day. He's a fine, honest man, isn't he?" And Traddles looked hopefully at me.
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I shook my head, unable to guess.
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I couldn't have been more shocked if the house and all of us in it had fallen into the River Thames.
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"Because what I'm sitting on is all I have! Because I've lost all my money, my dear!"
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"That Peggotty woman is very fond of you, David!" she said. "She's been offering to give us some of her money -- the money she inherited from her husband! Of course I refused at once. But she's a good woman. And she's been telling me about the trouble at Yarmouth --"
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"Why do you think I'm sitting on my cases?" she asked, looking seriously at me.
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"Dear aunt!" I said. "Make yourself more comfortable! Sit in an armchair, or sit on the sofa!"
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"Yes," continued my aunt, putting her head calmly on my shoulder. "I'll tell you all about it tomorrow, David, but tonight we must find a bed for Mr Dick, and I'll sleep here, to save money." So that night, my aunt agreed to take my bed, while I planned to sleep on the sitting-room sofa, and I took Mr Dick to a neighbour's house to rent a room. When I returned, I found my aunt walking up and down in front of the sitting-room fire.
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"No one can imagine how lovely she is!"
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"Oh David!" she answered. "Blind, blind, blind!"
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I had never considered this possibility before, and could only repeat what my aunt had said. "Silly, aunt?"
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This made me feel a little uncomfortable, but I was glad she knew my secret. I thought perhaps she was rather tired, so I said goodnight. She went to my bedroom, and I lay down on the sofa.
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How miserable I was that night! I knew I should be thinking of my poor aunt's situation, but I could not prevent myself from thinking of Dora. How could I marry her if I had no money, no expensive clothes to wear, no handsome white horse to ride or flowers to give her?
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"Silly Emily, you mean! But I'm sorry for you, because you cared for her once. And now Peggotty tells me you're in love again!"
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"She isn't at all silly, is she?" asked my aunt.
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"I suppose the little thing is very lovely, is she?"
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"Well, well, I only ask," replied my aunt gently. "David, you're very loving, like your poor mother, and you need a good, serious, sensible person to love."
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"Aunt, if you only knew how sensible Dora is!" I replied.
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I blushed. "I love Dora with all my heart, aunt!"
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"Yes, poor Emily!" I could not stop myself saying.
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"You know that Uriah Heep is my father's partner now?" she said quietly. "His influence over my father is far too great. Father is much, much worse. He looks years older, and I'm afraid that, encouraged by Uriah, he drinks more than ever. Uriah and his old mother live with us now, so I can't always be with Father -- to -- to protect him from whatever Uriah is planning. I just hope that love and truth will always be stronger than evil!"
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The next morning I got up early to have a walk in the fresh air, and on the way home, a carriage stopped beside me, and Agnes Wickfield got out. I immediately felt better when I saw her beautiful calm face smiling at me. She had heard that my aunt was in trouble, and had come to London to see her. We walked together to my flat.
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I could not give her my opinion of Uriah, because by then we had arrived at the flat. My aunt was very pleased to see Agnes again, and made us sit down on the sofa next to Peggotty.
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"Now let me explain to you all what happened to my money," said my aunt firmly. I was surprised to see that Agnes was pale and trembling. Betsey Trotwood continued, "I saved a lot of money over the years, and my lawyer, Mr Wickfield, used to help me invest it in the right companies. But recently I thought he wasn't such a good lawyer as he used to be, so I decided to invest my money myself. What a lot of mistakes I made! Who knows where it's gone? In gold, and foreign banks, and so on. It's no good worrying about it, but I can tell you, there's nothing left."
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The colour was beginning to return to Agnes's face. "So it -- it wasn't my father's fault, dear Miss Trotwood?"
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"Not at all, Agnes," said my aunt cheerfully. "Now can any of you give me some advice? I've asked my servant Janet to rent my little house in Kent. That will bring in about seventy pounds a year. I think we'll need more than that, to live on."
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"You and David could share this flat very cheaply, with Mr Dick just round the corner in his rented room," suggested Agnes. "And I think I can find a little job for David. Do you remember Dr Strong, the headmaster of the Canterbury school? Now that he's retired and come to live in London, he needs a private secretary to work for him in the mornings and evenings, at his house. He was asking Father about it the other day. What do you think?"
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"Agnes!" I cried. "What would we do without you? You are my good angel, I told you so before! I could easily be Dr Strong's secretary, as well as continuing my work in Mr Spenlow's firm. I'll go and see him today, and arrange it with him."
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Agnes gave me her beautiful smile as she got up to leave. I went downstairs with her, and as we walked together to the coach station, I saw an old beggar with a white stick in the street. He was holding out his thin hand for money, and crying, "Blind! Blind! Blind!" It sounded like an echo of what my aunt had said the day before. Oh Agnes, dear sister! If I had only known then what I discovered long afterwards!
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