Even if I did not have a dream, I always had a plan. In college, I learned to be responsible and organized and to set goals that I could attain. Then everything changed. I will never forget my final week from college last year. Days away from graduation and miles away from home, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I left the hospital alone, in devastation. Unsure of what my future would hold, I shed countless tears. Life suddenly became an unforeseeable thing, and I could not know what to do. Although close friends eased the pain, I could not hide from them my fear of facing death. Somehow, I managed to complete the exams in spite of my jangled nerves.
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I began to feel different from everyone else, since my friends were graduating, celebrating, and eager to move on to new chapters in their lives. But I could not join them and celebrate with them. I especially found it interesting to see how others around me dealt with my news. Some acted suddenly distant for lack of words, some dramatized the whole thing, and some acted perfectly normal, which felt the most comfortable for me.
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Within days, I had packed up all of my college belongings and headed home with my family ready to face this unexpected hurdle. I immediately turned to my best friend from high school. She had gone through cancer in our senior year, and because of watching her courageously overcome so many obstacles four years before, I knew she could give me the fuel I needed for my own battle.
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As my surgery date to remove the tumor got closer, I was experiencing intense physical pain. Part of me wanted it over with and the other part of me was coming unglued. The wall of strength I had built was crumbling. I was so angry that I had to go through this when all those around me were going on with their lives. I spent a lot of time asking, why me?
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But something wonderful started happening in the midst of all this. I began to see all the beauty around me in a wholly new way. The smallest things that I neglected before started to catch my eyes. I noticed how colorful and serene a sunset could be when you took time to enjoy it. Blades of grass cascading along hillsides looked a brighter shade of green. A small child's laughter became an instant remedy for a bad day.
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Life can sure throw a good curve ball when you least expect it. Yet I have had this new start, and I am enjoying every minute of it. I used to hear people say you should dream the unimaginable, and I always preferred to plan instead. Now, dreaming big and following my heart's desire without knowing how it will end up is the only thing I have time to do.
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Miraculously, I woke up from surgery grateful to be alive and well. Words cannot describe the happiness I felt at that special moment -- to be given a second chance. My recovery was a long process as I learned to walk again and so simple tasks. I remember when I went home and studied my bald head for the first time. It shouldn't have surprised me, but it did! Ironically, a month before I knew I had a tumor, I cut my long hair short and donated it to the American Cancer Society. I discovered there is a huge difference between short and bald!
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