MAUREEN
So I went home, and I put the television on, and made a cup of tea, and I phoned the centre, and the two young fellas delivered Matty to the house, and I put him in front of the TV, and it all started again. It was hard to see how I'd last another six weeks. I know we had an agreement, but I never thought I'd see any of them again anyway. Oh, we exchanged telephone numbers and addresses and so forth. (Martin had to explain to me that if I didn't have a computer, then I wouldn't have an email address. I wasn't sure whether I'd have one or not. I thought it might have come in one of those envelopes you throw away.) But I didn't think we'd actually be using them. I'll tell you God's honest truth, even though it'll make me sound as if I was feeling sorry for myself: I thought they might see each other, but they'd keep me out of it. I was too old for them, and too old-fashioned, with my shoes and all. I'd had an interesting time going to parties and seeing all the strange people there, but it hadn't changed anything. I was still going back to pick Matty up, and I still had no life to live beyond the life I was already sick and tired of. You might be thinking, well, why isn't she angry? But of course I am angry. I don't know why I ever pretend I'm not. The church had something to do with it, I suppose. And maybe my age, because we were taught not to grumble, weren't we? But some days - most days - I want to scream and shout and break things and kill people. Oh, there's anger, right enough. You can't be stuck with a life like this one and not get angry. Anyway. A couple of days later the phone rang, and this woman with a posh voice said, 'Is that Maureen
It is.
This is the Metropolitan Police.
Oh, hello,' I said.
Hello. We've had reports that your son was causing trouble in the shopping centre on New Year's Eve. Shoplifting and sniffing glue and mugging people and so on.
I'm afraid it couldn't have been my son,' I said, like an eejit. 'He has a disability.
And you're sure he's not putting the disability on
I even thought about this for half a second. Well, you do, don't you, when it's the police? You want to make absolutely sure that you're telling the absolute truth, just in case you get into trouble later on.
He'd be a very good actor if he was.
And you're sure he's not a very good actor
Oh, positive. You see, he's too disabled to act.
But how about if that's an act? Only, the er, the wossname fits his description. The suspect.
What's the description?' I don't know why I said that. To be helpful, I suppose.
We'll come to that, madam. Can you account for his whereabouts on New Year's Eve? Were you with him
I felt a chill run through me then. The date hadn't registered at first. They'd got me. I didn't know whether to lie or not. Supposing someone from the home had taken him out and used him as a cover, sort of thing? One of those young fellas, say? They looked nice enough, but you don't know, do you? Supposing they had gone shoplifting, and hidden something under Matty's blanket? Supposing they all went out drinking, and they took Matty with them, and they got into a fight, and they pushed the wheelchair hard towards someone they were fighting with? And the police saw him careering into someone, and they didn't know that he couldn't have pushed himself, so they thought he was joining in? And afterwards he was just playing dumb because he didn't want to get into trouble? Well, you could hurt someone, crashing into them with a wheelchair. You could break someone's leg. And supposing… Actually, even in the middle of my little panic I couldn't really see how he'd manage the glue sniffing. But even so! These were all the things that went through my mind. It was all guilt, I suppose. I hadn't been with him, and I should have been, and the reason I hadn't been with him was because I wanted to leave him for ever.
I wasn't with him, no. He was being looked after.
Ah. I see.
He was perfectly safe.
I'm sure he was, madam. But we're not talking about his safety, are we? We're talking about the safety of people in the Wood Green shopping centre.
Wood Green! He was all the way up in Wood Green
No. Yes. Sorry.
Are you really sorry? Are you really really really f— sorry
I couldn't believe my ears. I knew the police used bad language, of course. But I thought it would come out more when they were under stress, with terrorists and such like, not on the phone to members of the public in the course of a routine inquiry. Unless, of course, she really was under stress. Could Matty, or whoever pushed him, have actually killed someone? A child, maybe
Maureen.
Yes, I'm still here.
Maureen, I'm not really a policewoman. I'm Jess.
Oh.' I could feel myself blushing at my own stupidity.
You believed me, didn't you, you silly old bag.
Yes, I believed you.
She could hear in my voice that she'd upset me, so she didn't try to make any more of it.
Have you seen the papers
No. I don't look at them.
We're in them.
Who's in them
We are. Well, Martin and I are in them by name. What a laugh, eh
What does it say
It says that me and Martin and two other mystery, you know, people had a suicide pact.
That's not true'.
Der. And it says I'm the Junior Minister for Education's daughter.
Why does it say that
Because I am.
Oh.
I'm just telling you so you know what's in the papers. Are you surprised
Well, you do swear a lot, for a politician's daughter.
And a woman reporter came round to JJ's flat and asked him whether we came down for an inspirational reason.
What does that mean
We don't know. Anyway. We're going to have a crisis meeting.
Who is
The four of us. Big reunion. Maybe in the place where we had breakfast.
I can't go anywhere.
Why not
Because of Matty. That's one of the reasons I was up on the roof. Because I can never go anywhere.
We could come to you.
I began to flush again. I didn't want them here.
No, no. I'll think of something. When are you thinking of meeting up
Later on today.
Oh, I won't be able to sort anything out for today.
So we'll come to you.
Please don't. I haven't tidied up.
So tidy up.
I've never had anyone from the television in my house. Or a politician's daughter.
I won't put on any airs or graces. We'll see you at five.
And that gave me three hours to sort everything out, put everything away. It does drive you a little bit mad, a life like mine, I think. You have to be a little mad to want to jump off the top of a building. You have to be a little mad to come down again. You have to be more than a little mad to put up with Matty, and the staying in all the time, and the loneliness. But I do think I'm only a little mad. If I were really mad, I wouldn't have worried about the tidying up. And if I were really, properly mad, I wouldn't have minded what they found.
