You know how certain sounds can remind you of somethingspecial in your life? When I was eight, my mothertook me to a resort where I stood next to a man makingfresh doughnuts while Paul Anka sang "Diana" in the background.
Now, whenever I hear this song, it triggers the smellof fresh doughnuts and the memory of that happy holiday.
It's the song that triggers the memory. A trigger can be asound or something visual. It can also be a feeling oraction. And believe it or not, it can be a clenched fist.
Follow the steps below, and you'll see what I mean. Usethe hand you write with and clench your fist tightly. Thenrelease. Repeat the action a couple of times. This will beyour trigger.
1. Pick a Really Useful Attitude—one that you know will beuseful when you first meet someone. It can be curious,resourceful, warm or patient, or any attitude you thinkwill work for you. But it must be one that you haveexperienced at some time in your life and can recallon demand.
2. Find a comfortable spot, quiet and not too bright, whereyou won't be disturbed for 10 minutes. Sit down, placeboth feet on the floor, breathe slowly into your abdomen(not your chest) and relax. -.
423. Now you're ready. Close your eyes and picture a time inyour life when you felt the attitude you have chosen.
In your mind's eye, make a picture of this specific event.
Put in all the detail you can remember. What was in theforeground and background? Is the picture sharp or fuzzy,black-and-white or color? Is it large or small? Take yourtime and make it as real as you can. Now step into thatpicture and look out through your own eyes. Take note ofwhat you see.
4. Next, bring up the sounds associated with this picture.
Notice where the sounds come from: the left, the right, infront or behind? How loud or soft are they? What kinds ofsounds are they? Music? Voices? Listen to the tone andthe volume and the rhythm. Listen deeply, and the soundswill come flooding back. Listen to the quality of eachsound and try to hear how it contributes to your chosenattitude.
5. Bring in the physical sensations associated with the event:
the feel of the things around you, the air temperature,your clothing, your hair, what you're standing or sittingon. Next, notice the feelings inside your body. Wheredo they begin? Perhaps they move around in your body.
Move your concentration deep into these wonderfulfeelings and enjoy them. Ride with them. Notice anysmells and tastes that want to be included, and savorthem, too. -*436.
With your "outside" eyes still closed, look out throughyour "inside" eyes again at the scene. Make the picturessharper, brighter, bolder and bigger. Make the soundsstronger, clearer, purer and more perfect. Make the feelingsstronger, richer, deeper, warmer. Follow the intensityof the feelings if they move from one place toanother, then loop them back to the beginning andintensify them. Loop them over and over as they getstronger and stronger. Let the feeling flood all over you.
7. Make everything twice as big and strong and pure. Thendouble it again. And again. Now your whole body and mindare luxuriating in the experience of it all. Seeing it, hearingit, feeling it. Make the sensations as strong as you can,and just when you can't make them any stronger, doublethem one more time and clench your fist hard and fast asyou anchor the height of the experience to your trigger.
Feel the sensations pour through you. Intensify themagain, then clench your fist at the height of the feelingsand release. Relax your hand and feel the sensations pourthrough your body. Do this one more time, then relax yourhand and the rest of your body. Come down in your owntime and relax.
Wait a minute or so, then test your trigger. Make a tightfist and notice the feelings rush into all your senses. Test itagain after a couple of minutes. You are ready to use thisReally Useful Attitude whenever you want.
44when we are dealing with fellow humans: useful anduseless.
How many times have you seen a newsmaker give aTV interview when she's frustrated? Or a salespersonserve you in a store when he clearly wishes he weresomewhere else, a colleague who is sarcastic to the veryperson who can get the photocopying done faster ifdesired, or passengers being rude to the cab driver whois the only person with the means to get them to thechurch on time? These are all Really Useless Attitudes.
As far as communication is concerned, they are virtuallyguaranteed to fail.
A Really Useful Attitude is one of the major deliveryvehicles of the likability factor—and it works like acharm. Your posture, your movements and your expressionwill speak volumes about you before you even openyour mouth.
The sooner you know what you want and which isthe most useful attitude to help you get it, the sooneryour body language and your voice and your words willchange to help you get it.
The conclusion is obvious. People who know whatthey want tend to get it because they are focused andpositive, and this is reflected outward and inward intheir attitude. Take on a cheery attitude the next timeyou meet someone new and see how your whole beingchanges to the part. Your look will be cheery, you'll45how to make people Like yousound cheery and you'll use cheery words. This is thefull "communication package." Other people makemajor adjustments in their responses to you based onthe signals you transmit. The next chapter will take adetailed look at how these signals combine to present apositive image.
Now, whenever I hear this song, it triggers the smellof fresh doughnuts and the memory of that happy holiday.
It's the song that triggers the memory. A trigger can be asound or something visual. It can also be a feeling oraction. And believe it or not, it can be a clenched fist.
Follow the steps below, and you'll see what I mean. Usethe hand you write with and clench your fist tightly. Thenrelease. Repeat the action a couple of times. This will beyour trigger.
1. Pick a Really Useful Attitude—one that you know will beuseful when you first meet someone. It can be curious,resourceful, warm or patient, or any attitude you thinkwill work for you. But it must be one that you haveexperienced at some time in your life and can recallon demand.
2. Find a comfortable spot, quiet and not too bright, whereyou won't be disturbed for 10 minutes. Sit down, placeboth feet on the floor, breathe slowly into your abdomen(not your chest) and relax. -.
423. Now you're ready. Close your eyes and picture a time inyour life when you felt the attitude you have chosen.
In your mind's eye, make a picture of this specific event.
Put in all the detail you can remember. What was in theforeground and background? Is the picture sharp or fuzzy,black-and-white or color? Is it large or small? Take yourtime and make it as real as you can. Now step into thatpicture and look out through your own eyes. Take note ofwhat you see.
4. Next, bring up the sounds associated with this picture.
Notice where the sounds come from: the left, the right, infront or behind? How loud or soft are they? What kinds ofsounds are they? Music? Voices? Listen to the tone andthe volume and the rhythm. Listen deeply, and the soundswill come flooding back. Listen to the quality of eachsound and try to hear how it contributes to your chosenattitude.
5. Bring in the physical sensations associated with the event:
the feel of the things around you, the air temperature,your clothing, your hair, what you're standing or sittingon. Next, notice the feelings inside your body. Wheredo they begin? Perhaps they move around in your body.
Move your concentration deep into these wonderfulfeelings and enjoy them. Ride with them. Notice anysmells and tastes that want to be included, and savorthem, too. -*436.
With your "outside" eyes still closed, look out throughyour "inside" eyes again at the scene. Make the picturessharper, brighter, bolder and bigger. Make the soundsstronger, clearer, purer and more perfect. Make the feelingsstronger, richer, deeper, warmer. Follow the intensityof the feelings if they move from one place toanother, then loop them back to the beginning andintensify them. Loop them over and over as they getstronger and stronger. Let the feeling flood all over you.
7. Make everything twice as big and strong and pure. Thendouble it again. And again. Now your whole body and mindare luxuriating in the experience of it all. Seeing it, hearingit, feeling it. Make the sensations as strong as you can,and just when you can't make them any stronger, doublethem one more time and clench your fist hard and fast asyou anchor the height of the experience to your trigger.
Feel the sensations pour through you. Intensify themagain, then clench your fist at the height of the feelingsand release. Relax your hand and feel the sensations pourthrough your body. Do this one more time, then relax yourhand and the rest of your body. Come down in your owntime and relax.
Wait a minute or so, then test your trigger. Make a tightfist and notice the feelings rush into all your senses. Test itagain after a couple of minutes. You are ready to use thisReally Useful Attitude whenever you want.
44when we are dealing with fellow humans: useful anduseless.
How many times have you seen a newsmaker give aTV interview when she's frustrated? Or a salespersonserve you in a store when he clearly wishes he weresomewhere else, a colleague who is sarcastic to the veryperson who can get the photocopying done faster ifdesired, or passengers being rude to the cab driver whois the only person with the means to get them to thechurch on time? These are all Really Useless Attitudes.
As far as communication is concerned, they are virtuallyguaranteed to fail.
A Really Useful Attitude is one of the major deliveryvehicles of the likability factor—and it works like acharm. Your posture, your movements and your expressionwill speak volumes about you before you even openyour mouth.
The sooner you know what you want and which isthe most useful attitude to help you get it, the sooneryour body language and your voice and your words willchange to help you get it.
The conclusion is obvious. People who know whatthey want tend to get it because they are focused andpositive, and this is reflected outward and inward intheir attitude. Take on a cheery attitude the next timeyou meet someone new and see how your whole beingchanges to the part. Your look will be cheery, you'll45how to make people Like yousound cheery and you'll use cheery words. This is thefull "communication package." Other people makemajor adjustments in their responses to you based onthe signals you transmit. The next chapter will take adetailed look at how these signals combine to present apositive image.