第十二章: 平衡 Balancing

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"Billy!" Charlie called as soon as he got out of the car.
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I turned toward the house, beckoning to Jacob as I ducked under the porch. I heard Charlie greeting them loudly behind me.
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"We get permits early on the rez," Jacob said while I unlocked the door and flicked on the porch light.
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"I'm going to pretend I didn't see you behind the wheel, Jake," he said disapprovingly.
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"Sure you do," Charlie laughed.
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"I have to get around somehow." I recognized Billy's resonant voice easily, despite the years. The sound of it made me feel suddenly younger, a child.
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I went inside, leaving the door open behind me and turning on lights before I hung up my jacket. Then I stood in the door, watching anxiously as Charlie and Jacob helped Billy out of the car and into his wheelchair.
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I backed out of the way as the three of them hurried in, shaking off the rain.
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"This is a surprise," Charlie was saying.
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"It's been too long," Billy answered. "I hope it's not a bad time." His dark eyes flashed up to me again, their expression unreadable.
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"No." He frowned. "I still need parts. We borrowed that one." He pointed with his thumb in the direction of the front yard.
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"So, how are things?" Jacob asked.
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"Naw, we ate just before we came," Jacob answered.
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"Are you hungry?" I asked, turning toward the kitchen. I was eager to escape Billy's searching gaze.
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Jacob grinned. "I think that's the plan -- our TV broke last week."
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The grilled cheese sandwiches were in the frying pan and I was slicing up a tomato when I sensed someone behind me.
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"No, it's great. I hope you can stay for the game."
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"Sure," he replied, his voice moving in the direction of the front room and the TV. I could hear Billy's chair follow.
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Billy made a face at his son. "And, of course, Jacob was anxious to see Bella again," he added. Jacob scowled and ducked his head while I fought back a surge of remorse. Maybe I'd been too convincing on the beach.
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"Pretty good." I smiled. His enthusiasm was hard to resist. "How about you? Did you finish your car?"
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"How about you, Charlie?" I called over my shoulder as I fled around the corner.
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"Guess that explains it, then," he said. "I wondered why my dad was acting so strange."
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I stared down at the pan, pulling up the edge of a sandwich to check the bottom side. "I got a ride with a friend."
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"Sorry. I haven't seen any… what was it you were looking for?"
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I sighed in defeat. "Edward Cullen."
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"So who was it?" he asked, setting two plates on the counter next to me.
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To my surprise, he laughed. I glanced up at him. He looked a little embarrassed.
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He got the plates in silence. I hoped he would let it drop now.
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"My dad seemed to know him from somewhere."
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"That's right." I faked an innocent expression. "He doesn't like the Cullens."
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"Master cylinder." He grinned. "Is something wrong with the truck?" he added suddenly.
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"Sure."
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"Oh. I just wondered because you weren't driving it."
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"Nice ride." Jacob's voice was admiring. "I didn't recognize the driver, though. I thought I knew most of the kids around here."
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I nodded noncommittally, keeping my eyes down as I flipped sandwiches.
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"No."
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"Jacob, could you hand me some plates? They're in the cupboard over the sink."
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"Superstitious old man," Jacob muttered under his breath.
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"You don't think he'd say anything to Charlie?" I couldn't help asking, the words coming out in a low rush.
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"Oh," I said, trying to sound indifferent.
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I stayed in the front room after I carried the food out to Charlie, pretending to watch the game while Jacob chattered at me. I was really listening to the men's conversation, watching for any sign that Billy was about to rat me out, trying to think of ways to stop him if he began.
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Jacob stared at me for a moment, and I couldn't read the expression in his dark eyes. "I doubt it," he finally answered. "I think Charlie chewed him out pretty good last time. They haven't spoken much since -- tonight is sort of a reunion, I think. I don't think he'd bring it up again."
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It was a long night. I had a lot of homework that was going undone, but I was afraid to leave Billy alone with Charlie. Finally, the game ended.
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"Are you and your friends coming back to the beach soon?" Jacob asked as he pushed his father over the lip of the threshold.
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"Wow, I didn't know you could play badminton."
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"Good." I hesitated with one foot on the first stair, searching for details I could safely share. "My badminton team won all four games."
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"Um… Mike Newton," I told him reluctantly.
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I headed for the stairs while Charlie waved from the doorway.
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"Wait, Bella," he said.
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But Charlie was relaxed, still grinning from the unexpected visit.
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"Who is it?" he asked with token interest.
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"I didn't get a chance to talk to you tonight. How was your day?"
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"Oh yeah -- you said you were friends with the Newton kid." He perked up. "Nice family." He mused for a minute. "Why didn't you ask him to the dance this weekend?"
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I cringed. Had Billy gotten something in before I'd joined them in the living room?
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"That was fun, Charlie," Billy said.
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"Well, actually I can't, but my partner is really good," I admitted.
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"Sure, sure," Billy said. "We'll be here. Have a good night." His eyes shifted to mine, and his smile disappeared. "You take care, Bella," he added seriously.
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"Thanks," I muttered, looking away.
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"I'm not sure," I hedged.
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"Come up for the next game," Charlie encouraged.
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I slept better that night, too tired to dream again. When I woke to the pearl gray morning, my mood was blissful. The tense evening with Billy and Jacob seemed harmless enough now; I decided to forget it completely. I caught myself whistling while I was pulling the front part of my hair back into a barrette, and later again as I skipped down the stairs. Charlie noticed.
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"Oh yeah," he muttered. Then he smiled at me apologetically. "So I guess it's good you'll be gone Saturday… I've made plans to go fishing with the guys from the station. The weather's supposed to be real warm. But if you wanted to put your trip off till someone could go with you, I'd stay home. I know I leave you here alone too much."
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"Dad, you're doing a great job." I smiled, hoping my relief didn't show. "I've never minded being alone -- I'm too much like you." I winked at him, and he smiled his crinkly-eyed smile.
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"Dad!" I groaned. "He's kind of dating my friend Jessica. Besides, you know I can't dance."
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"You're cheerful this morning," he commented over breakfast.
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I hurried so I would be ready to go the second Charlie left. I had my bag ready, shoes on, teeth brushed, but even though I rushed to the door as soon as I was sure Charlie would be out of sight, Edward was faster. He was waiting in his shiny car, windows down, engine off.
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I shrugged. "It's Friday."
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I didn't hesitate this time, climbing in the passenger side quickly, the sooner to see his face. He grinned his crooked smile at me, stopping my breath and my heart. I couldn't imagine how an angel could be any more glorious. There was nothing about him that could be improved upon.
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"Fine. How was your night?"
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"How did you sleep?" he asked. I wondered if he had any idea how appealing his voice was.
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"Pleasant." His smile was amused; I felt like I was missing an inside joke.
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"Can I ask what you did?" I asked.
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"No." He grinned. "Today is still mine."
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He wanted to know about people today: more about Renee, her hobbies, what we'd done in our free time together. And then the one grandmother I'd known, my few school friends -- embarrassing me when he asked about boys I'd dated. I was relieved that I'd never really dated anyone, so that particular conversation couldn't last long. He seemed as surprised as Jessica and Angela by my lack of romantic history.
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His lips pressed together into a hard line.
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"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch."
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We were in the cafeteria at this point. The day had sped by in the blur that was rapidly becoming routine. I took advantage of his brief pause to take a bite of my bagel.
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He shook his head. "Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition -- unless you're afraid someone might steal it." He laughed at the thought.
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"Oh." I blinked, bewildered and disappointed. "That's okay, it's not that far of a walk."
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"Why?" I demanded.
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"All right," I agreed, pursing my lips. I was pretty sure my key was in the pocket of a pair of jeans I wore Wednesday, under a pile of clothes in the laundry room. Even if he broke into my house, or whatever he was planning, he'd never find it. He seemed to feel the challenge in my consent. He smirked, overconfident.
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I was grudgingly honest. "Not in Phoenix."
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"I should have let you drive yourself today," he announced, apropos of nothing, while I chewed.
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He frowned at me impatiently. "I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you."
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"I don't have my key with me," I sighed. "I really don't mind walking." What I minded was losing my time with him.
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"So you never met anyone you wanted?" he asked in a serious tone that made me wonder what he was thinking about.
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His voice turned sharp. "And if you don't come home, what will he think?"
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"The same time as usual, then," he decided. "Will Charlie be there?"
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I looked down, afraid of the persuasive power of his eyes. I refused to be convinced to fear him, no matter how real the danger might be. It doesn't matter, I repeated in my head.
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"No," I answered too fast. He restrained a smile.
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"That depends… it's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?" he offered.
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I changed the subject. "What time will I see you tomorrow?" I asked, already depressed by the thought of him leaving now.
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"Perhaps you're right," he murmured bleakly. His eyes seemed to darken in color as I watched.
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"Hunting," he answered grimly. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." His face grew morose… and pleading. "You can always cancel, you know."
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"No," I whispered, glancing back at his face. "I can't."
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"So where are you going?" I asked as casually as I could manage.
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"No, he's fishing tomorrow." I beamed at the memory of how conveniently things had worked out.
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"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far." He seemed bemused by my casual reference to his secret realities.
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"They don't like me," I guessed.
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"That's not it," he disagreed, but his eyes were too innocent. "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone."
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I peeked quickly behind me at his family. They sat staring off in different directions, exactly the same as the first time I'd seen them. Only now they were four; their beautiful, bronze-haired brother sat across from me, his golden eyes troubled.
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He scowled at me and I scowled back. His anger was much more impressive than mine.
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His brow puckered for a brief moment. "Incredulous, for the most part."
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"Alice is the most… supportive." He frowned as he spoke.
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"And the others?" I asked timidly. "What are they?"
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"What are you hunting tonight?" I asked when I was sure I had lost the glowering contest.
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"Why are you going with Alice?" I wondered.
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"I have no idea," I answered coolly. "He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer."
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I glared at him, sure he was teasing now.
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I looked away, my eyes wandering back to his family, embarrassed and dissatisfied. His words made me feel like a science experiment. I wanted to laugh at myself for expecting anything else.
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I grimaced. "Neither do I, for that matter."
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Edward shook his head slowly, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling before he met my gaze again. "I told you -- you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me."
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He smiled as he deciphered my expression. "Having the advantages I do," he murmured, touching his forehead discreetly, "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you… you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."
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"That part is easy enough to explain," he continued. I felt his eyes on my face but I couldn't look at him yet, afraid he might read the chagrin in my eyes. "But there's more… and it's not so easy to put into words --"
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I was still staring at the Cullens while he spoke. Suddenly Rosalie, his blond and breathtaking sister, turned to look at me. No, not to look -- to glare, with dark, cold eyes. I wanted to look away, but her gaze held me until Edward broke off mid-sentence and made an angry noise under his breath. It was almost a hiss.
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"If this ends… badly." He dropped his head into his hands, as he had that night in Port Angeles. His anguish was plain; I yearned to comfort him, but I was at a loss to know how. My hand reached toward him involuntarily; quickly, though, I dropped it to the table, fearing that my touch would only make things worse. I realized slowly that his words should frighten me. I waited for that fear to come, but all I could seem to feel was an ache for his pain.
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His face was tight as he explained. "I'm sorry about that. She's just worried. You see… it's dangerous for more than just me if, after spending so much time with you so publicly…" He looked down.
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I tried to speak in a normal voice. "And you have to leave now?"
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Rosalie turned her head, and I was relieved to be free. I looked back at Edward -- and I knew he could see the confusion and fear that widened my eyes.
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"If?"
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And frustration -- frustration that Rosalie had interrupted whatever he was about to say. I didn't know how to bring it up again. He still had his head in his hands.
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"Hello, Bella." Her brilliant obsidian eyes were unreadable, but her smile was friendly. "It's nice to finally meet you."
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His voice was aloof. "Nearly. I'll meet you at the car."
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I started. Alice -- her short, inky hair in a halo of spiky disarray around her exquisite, elfin face -- was suddenly standing behind his shoulder. Her slight frame was willowy, graceful even in absolute stillness.
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"Yes." He raised his face; it was serious for a moment, and then his mood shifted and he smiled. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in Biology -- I don't think I could take any more."
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"Edward," she answered, her high soprano voice almost as attractive as his.
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"Hi, Alice," I murmured shyly.
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"Alice, Bella -- Bella, Alice," he introduced us, gesturing casually with his hand, a wry smile on his face.
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Edward flashed a dark look at her.
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"Are you ready?" she asked him.
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He greeted her without looking away from me. "Alice."
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She left without another word; her walk was so fluid, so sinuous that I felt a sharp pang of jealousy.
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"I promise to try to be safe," I recited. "I'll do the laundry tonight -- that ought to be fraught with peril."
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"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?" he mused.
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"Have fun, then." I worked to sound wholehearted. Of course I didn't fool him.
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"Should I say 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?" I asked, turning back to him.
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"I'll be there in the morning," he promised, smiling his crooked smile. He reached across the table to touch my face, lightly brushing along my cheekbone again. Then he turned and walked away. I stared after him until he was gone.
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"I'll see you tomorrow," I sighed.
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"No, 'have fun' works as well as anything." He grinned.
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"Don't fall in," he mocked.
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"I'll do my best."
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"For you it is a challenge." His jaw hardened. "Promise."
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"Safe in Forks -- what a challenge."
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He stood then, and I rose, too.
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"I'll try." He still grinned. "And you try to be safe, please."
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I nodded glumly.
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I was sorely tempted to ditch the rest of the day, at the very least Gym, but a warning instinct stopped me. I knew that if I disappeared now, Mike and others would assume I was with Edward. And Edward was worried about the time we'd spent together publicly… if things went wrong. I refused to dwell on the last thought, concentrating instead on making things safer for him.
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I went to class, feeling dutiful. I couldn't honestly say what happened in Biology; my mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of tomorrow. In Gym, Mike was speaking to me again; he wished me a good time in Seattle. I carefully explained that I'd canceled my trip, worried about my truck.
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"Are you going to the dance with Cullen?" he asked, suddenly sulky.
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I intuitively knew -- and sensed he did, too -- that tomorrow would be pivotal. Our relationship couldn't continue to balance, as it did, on the point of a knife. We would fall off one edge or the other, depending entirely upon his decision, or his instincts. My decision was made, made before I'd ever consciously chosen, and I was committed to seeing it through. Because there was nothing more terrifying to me, more excruciating, than the thought of turning away from him. It was an impossibility.
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"No, I'm not going to the dance at all."
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"What are you doing, then?" he asked, too interested.
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My natural urge was to tell him to butt out. Instead, I lied brightly.
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"Edward," I emphasized, "is not going to help me study. He's gone away somewhere for the weekend." The lies came more naturally than usual, I noted with surprise.
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"Laundry, and then I have to study for the Trig test or I'm going to fail."
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"Oh." He perked up. "You know, you could come to the dance with our group anyway -- that would be cool. We'd all dance with you," he promised.
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"Is Cullen helping you study?"
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The mental image of Jessica's face made my tone sharper than necessary.
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"I'm not going to the dance, Mike, okay?"
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When the school day had finally ended, I walked to the parking lot without enthusiasm. I did not especially want to walk home, but I couldn't see how he would have retrieved my truck. Then again, I was starting to believe that nothing was impossible for him. The latter instinct proved correct -- my truck sat in the same space he'd parked his Volvo in this morning. I shook my head, incredulous, as I opened the unlocked door and saw the key in the ignition.
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"Fine." He sulked again. "I was just offering."
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When I got home, the handle of the door was locked, the dead bolt unlocked, just as I'd left it this morning. Inside, I went straight to the laundry room. It looked just the same as I'd left it, too. I dug for my jeans and, after finding them, checked the pockets. Empty. Maybe I'd hung my key up after all, I thought, shaking my head.
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There was a piece of white paper folded on my seat. I got in and closed the door before I unfolded it. Two words were written in his elegant script. "Be safe."
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The sound of the truck roaring to life frightened me. I laughed at myself.
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Following the same instinct that had prompted me to lie to Mike, I called Jessica on the pretense of wishing her luck at the dance. When she offered the same wish for my day with Edward, I told her about the cancellation. She was more disappointed than really necessary for a third-party observer to be. I said goodbye quickly after that.
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Charlie was absentminded at dinner, worried over something at work, I guessed, or maybe a basketball game, or maybe he was just really enjoying the lasagna -- it was hard to tell with Charlie.
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"You know, Dad…" I began, breaking into his reverie.
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"I think you're right about Seattle. I think I'll wait until Jessica or someone else can go with me."
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"What's that, Bell?"
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"You're sure easy to live with, Bella." He smiled.
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"Oh," he said, surprised. "Oh, okay. So, do you want me to stay home?"
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"Absolutely, Dad. Besides, the freezer is getting dangerously low on fish -- we're down to a two, maybe three years' supply."
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"No, Dad, don't change your plans. I've got a million things to do… homework, laundry… I need to go to the library and the grocery store. I'll be in and out all day… you go and have fun."
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"Are you sure?"
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After dinner, I folded clothes and moved another load through the dryer. Unfortunately it was the kind of job that only keeps hands busy. My mind definitely had too much free time, and it was getting out of control. I fluctuated between anticipation so intense that it was very nearly pain, and an insidious fear that picked at my resolve. I had to keep reminding myself that I'd made my choice, and I wasn't going back on it. I pulled his note out of my pocket much more often than necessary to absorb the two small words he'd written. He wants me to be safe, I told myself again and again. I would just hold on to the faith that, in the end, that desire would win out over the others. And what was my other choice -- to cut him out of my life? Intolerable. Besides, since I'd come to Forks, it really seemed like my life was about him. But a tiny voice in the back of my mind worried, wondering if it would hurt very much… if it ended badly.
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"I could say the same thing about you," I said, laughing. The sound of my laughter was off, but he didn't seem to notice. I felt so guilty for deceiving him that I almost took Edward's advice and told him where I would be. Almost.
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With everything ready for the morning, I finally lay in my bed. I felt hyper; I couldn't stop twitching. I got up and rifled through my shoebox of CDs until I found a collection of Chopin's nocturnes. I put that on very quietly and then lay down again, concentrating on relaxing individual parts of my body. Somewhere in the middle of that exercise, the cold pills took effect, and I gladly sank into unconsciousness.
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I woke early, having slept soundly and dreamlessly thanks to my gratuitous drug use. Though I was well rested, I slipped right back into the same hectic frenzy from the night before. I dressed in a rush, smoothing my collar against my neck, fidgeting with the tan sweater till it hung right over my jeans. I sneaked a swift look out the window to see that Charlie was already gone. A thin, cottony layer of clouds veiled the sky. They didn't look very lasting.
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I was relieved when it was late enough to be acceptable for bedtime. I knew I was far too stressed to sleep, so I did something I'd never done before. I deliberately took unnecessary cold medicine -- the kind that knocked me out for a good eight hours. I normally wouldn't condone that type of behavior in myself, but tomorrow would be complicated enough without me being loopy from sleep deprivation on top of everything else. While I waited for the drugs to kick in, I dried my clean hair till it was impeccably straight, and fussed over what I would wear tomorrow.
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"Good morning," he chuckled.
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I ate breakfast without tasting the food, hurrying to clean up when I was done. I peeked out the window again, but nothing had changed. I had just finished brushing my teeth and was heading back downstairs when a quiet knock sent my heart thudding against my rib cage.
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I flew to the door; I had a little trouble with the simple dead bolt, but I yanked the door open at last, and there he was. All the agitation dissolved as soon as I looked at his face, calm taking its place. I breathed a sigh of relief -- yesterday's fears seemed very foolish with him here.
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"What's wrong?" I glanced down to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything important, like shoes, or pants.
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"We match." He laughed again. I realized he had a long, light tan sweater on, with a white collar showing underneath, and blue jeans. I laughed with him, hiding a secret twinge of regret -- why did he have to look like a runway model when I couldn't?
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He wasn't smiling at first -- his face was somber. But then his expression lightened as he looked me over, and he laughed.
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"Where to?" I asked.
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"Take the one-oh-one north," he ordered.
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"Where to?" I repeated with a sigh.
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"Put your seat belt on -- I'm nervous already."
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It was surprisingly difficult to concentrate on the road while feeling his gaze on my face. I compensated by driving more carefully than usual through the still-sleeping town.
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I gave him a dirty look as I complied.
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"We made a deal," I reminded him smugly, climbing into the driver's seat, and reaching over to unlock his door.
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"Turn right on the one-ten," he instructed just as I was about to ask. I obeyed silently.
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We were soon out of the town limits, despite his negativity. Thick underbrush and green-swathed trunks replaced the lawns and houses.
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I locked the door behind me while he walked to the truck. He waited by the passenger door with a martyred expression that was easy to understand.
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"Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?"
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"Now we drive until the pavement ends."
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"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather -- have some respect," I retorted.
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I lied again. "Just wondering where we're going."
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"Charlie said it would be warm today."
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"A trail."
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We drove in silence for a while as I contemplated the coming horror.
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"What are you thinking?" he asked impatiently after a few moments.
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Five miles. I didn't answer, so that he wouldn't hear my voice crack in panic. Five miles of treacherous roots and loose stones, trying to twist my ankles or otherwise incapacitate me. This was going to be humiliating.
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I could hear a smile in his voice, but I was too afraid of driving off the road and proving him right to look over and be sure.
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"Is that a problem?" He sounded as if he'd expected as much.
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"And what's there, at the pavement's end?" I wondered.
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"No." I tried to make the lie sound confident. But if he thought my truck was slow…
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"We're hiking?" Thank goodness I'd worn tennis shoes.
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"Don't worry, it's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry."
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"It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice." We both glanced out the windows at the thinning clouds after he spoke.
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He muttered something under his breath, speaking so quickly that I couldn't understand.
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"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" He seemed cheered by the idea.
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I pretended I didn't hear that.
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"You said it might cause trouble for you… us being together publicly," I reminded him.
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"That's very helpful, Bella," he snapped.
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"No one knows you're with me?" Angrily, now.
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And then the road ended, constricting to a thin foot trail with a small wooden marker.
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"Nope."
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"That depends… I assume you told Alice?"
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"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" he demanded when I ignored him.
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"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause me -- if you don't come home?" His voice was still angry, and bitingly sarcastic.
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I nodded, keeping my eyes on the road.
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We were silent for the rest of the drive. I could feel the waves of infuriated disapproval rolling off of him, and I could think of nothing to say.
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"No, I told her you canceled on me -- which is true."
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"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" he asked.
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"This way," he said, glancing over his shoulder at me, eyes still annoyed. He started into the dark forest.
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I parked on the narrow shoulder and stepped out, afraid because he was angry with me and I didn't have driving as an excuse not to look at him. It was warm now, warmer than it had been in Forks since the day I'd arrived, almost muggy under the clouds. I pulled off my sweater and knotted it around my waist, glad that I'd worn the light, sleeveless shirt -- especially if I had five miles of hiking ahead of me.
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"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it."
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I heard his door slam, and looked over to see that he'd removed his sweater, too. He was facing away from me, into the unbroken forest beside my truck.
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"No trail?" I asked desperately.
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"I won't let you get lost." He turned then, with a mocking smile, and I stifled a gasp. His white shirt was sleeveless, and he wore it unbuttoned, so that the smooth white skin of his throat flowed uninterrupted over the marble contours of his chest, his perfect musculature no longer merely hinted at behind concealing clothes. He was too perfect, I realized with a piercing stab of despair. There was no way this godlike creature could be meant for me.
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"The trail?" Panic was clear in my voice as I hurried around the truck to catch up to him.
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"I can be patient -- if I make a great effort." He smiled, holding my glance, trying to lift me out of my sudden, unexplained dejection.
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"I'm not a good hiker," I answered dully. "You'll have to be very patient."
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"Do you want to go home?" he said quietly, a different pain than mine saturating his voice.
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He stared at me, bewildered by my tortured expression.
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"No." I walked forward till I was close beside him, anxious not to waste one second of whatever time I might have with him.
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"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice gentle.
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I tried to smile back, but the smile was unconvincing. He scrutinized my face.
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"If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way," I said acidly. He frowned at me, struggling to understand my tone and expression
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"I'll take you home," he promised. I couldn't tell if the promise was unconditional, or restricted to an immediate departure. I knew he thought it was fear that upset me, and I was grateful again that I was the one person whose mind he couldn't hear.
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For the most part, we walked in silence. Occasionally he would ask a random question that he hadn't gotten to in the past two days of interrogation. He asked about my birthdays, my grade school teachers, my childhood pets -- and I had to admit that after killing three fish in a row, I'd given up on the whole institution. He laughed at that, louder than I was used to -- bell-like echoes bouncing back to us from the empty woods.
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It wasn't as hard as I had feared. The way was mostly flat, and he held the damp ferns and webs of moss aside for me. When his straight path took us over fallen trees or boulders, he would help me, lifting me by the elbow, and then releasing me instantly when I was clear. His cold touch on my skin never failed to make my heart thud erratically. Twice, when that happened, I caught a look on his face that made me sure he could somehow hear it.
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He gave up after a moment and led the way into the forest.
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I tried to keep my eyes away from his perfection as much as possible, but I slipped often. Each time, his beauty pierced me through with sadness.
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The hike took me most of the morning, but he never showed any sign of impatience. The forest spread out around us in a boundless labyrinth of ancient trees, and I began to be nervous that we would never find our way out again. He was perfectly at ease, comfortable in the green maze, never seeming to feel any doubt about our direction.
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"Are we there yet?" I teased, pretending to scowl.
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"Time to visit the optometrist," I muttered. His smirk grew more pronounced.
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After several hours, the light that filtered through the canopy transformed, the murky olive tone shifting to a brighter jade. The day had turned sunny, just as he'd foretold. For the first time since we'd entered the woods, I felt a thrill of excitement -- which quickly turned to impatience.
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I peered into the thick forest. "Um, should I?"
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"Nearly." He smiled at the change in my mood. "Do you see the brightness ahead?"
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He smirked. "Maybe it's a bit soon for your eyes."
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But then, after another hundred yards, I could definitely see a lightening in the trees ahead, a glow that was yellow instead of green. I picked up the pace, my eagerness growing with every step. He let me lead now, following noiselessly.
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I reached the edge of the pool of light and stepped through the last fringe of ferns into the loveliest place I had ever seen. The meadow was small, perfectly round, and filled with wildflowers -- violet, yellow, and soft white. Somewhere nearby, I could hear the bubbling music of a stream. The sun was directly overhead, filling the circle with a haze of buttery sunshine. I walked slowly, awestruck, through the soft grass, swaying flowers, and warm, gilded air. I halfway turned, wanting to share this with him, but he wasn't behind me where I thought he'd be. I spun around, searching for him with sudden alarm. Finally I spotted him, still under the dense shade of the canopy at the edge of the hollow, watching me with cautious eyes. Only then did I remember what the beauty of the meadow had driven from my mind -- the enigma of Edward and the sun, which he'd promised to illustrate for me today.
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I took a step back toward him, my eyes alight with curiosity. His eyes were wary, reluctant. I smiled encouragingly and beckoned to him with my hand, taking another step back to him. He held up a hand in warning, and I hesitated, rocking back onto my heels.
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Edward seemed to take a deep breath, and then he stepped out into the bright glow of the midday sun.
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