INGROSALIE HESITATED IN THE DOORWAY, HER BREATHTAKing face unsure.
Of course,” I replied, my voice an octave high with surprise. “Come on in.
I sat up, sliding to the end of the sofa to make room. My stomach twisted nervously as the one Cullen whodid not like me moved silently to sit down in the open space. I tried to come up with a reason why she wouldwant to see me, but my mind was a blank on that point.
Do you mind talking to me for a few minutes?” she asked. “I didn’t wake you or anything, did I?” Hereyes shifted to the stripped bed and back to my couch.
No, I was awake. Sure, we can talk.” I wondered if she could hear the alarm in my voice as clearly as Icould.
She laughed lightly, and it sounded like a chorus of bells. “He so rarely leaves you alone,” she said. “Ifigured I’d better make the best of this opportunity.
What did she want to say that couldn’t be said in front of Edward? My hands twisted and untwistedaround the edge of the comforter.
Please don’t think I’m horribly interfering,” Rosalie said, her voice gentle and almost pleading. She foldedher hands in her lap and looked down at them as she spoke. “I’m sure I’ve hurt your feelings enough in thepast, and I don’t want to do that again.
Don’t worry about it, Rosalie. My feelings are great. What is it
She laughed again, sounding oddly embarrassed. “I’m going to try to tell you why I think you should stayhuman — why I would stay human if I were you.
Oh.
She smiled at the shocked tone of my voice, and then she sighed.
Did Edward ever tell you what led to this?” she asked, gesturing to her glorious immortal body.
I nodded slowly, suddenly somber. “He said it was close to what happened to me that time in PortAngeles, only no one was there to save you.” I shuddered at the memory.
Is that really all he told you?” she asked.
Yes,” I said, my voice blank with confusion. “Was there more
She looked up at me and smiled; it was a harsh, bitter — but still stunning — expression.
Yes,” she said. “There was more.
I waited while she stared out the window. She seemed to be trying to calm herself.
Would you like to hear my story, Bella? It doesn’t have a happy ending — but which of ours does? If wehad happy endings, we’d all be under gravestones now.
I nodded, though I was frightened by the edge in her voice.
I lived in a different world than you do, Bella. My human world was a much simpler place. It wasnineteen thirty-three. I was eighteen, and I was beautiful. My life was perfect.
She stared out the window at the silver clouds, her expression far away.
My parents were thoroughly middle class. My father had a stable job in a bank, something I realize nowthat he was smug about — he saw his prosperity as a reward for talent and hard work, rather thanacknowledging the luck involved. I took it all for granted then; in my home, it was as if the Great Depressionwas only a troublesome rumor. Of course I saw the poor people, the ones who weren’t as lucky. My fatherleft me with the impression that they’d brought their troubles on themselves.
It was my mother’s job to keep our house — and myself and my two younger brothers — in spotlessorder. It was clear that I was both her first priority and her favorite. I didn’t fully understand at the time, but Iwas always vaguely aware that my parents weren’t satisfied with what they had, even if it was so much morethan most. They wanted more. They had social aspirations — social climbers, I suppose you could call them.
My beauty was like a gift to them. They saw so much more potential in it than I did.
They weren’t satisfied, but I was. I was thrilled to be me, to be Rosalie Hale. Pleased that men’s eyeswatched me everywhere I went, from the year I turned twelve. Delighted that my girlfriends sighed with envy when they touched my hair. Happy that my mother was proud of me and that my father liked to buy me prettydresses.
I knew what I wanted out of life, and there didn’t seem to be any way that I wouldn’t get exactly what Iwanted. I wanted to be loved, to be adored. I wanted to have a huge, flowery wedding, where everyone intown would watch me walk down the aisle on my father’s arm and think I was the most beautiful thing they’dever seen. Admiration was like air to me, Bella. I was silly and shallow, but I was content.” She smiled,amused at her own evaluation.
My parents’ influence had been such that I also wanted the material things of life. I wanted a big housewith elegant furnishings that someone else would clean and a modern kitchen that someone else would cookin. As I said, shallow. Young and very shallow. And I didn’t see any reason why I wouldn’t get these things.
There were a few things I wanted that were more meaningful. One thing in particular. My very closestfriend was a girl named Vera. She married young, just seventeen. She married a man my parents would neverhave considered for me — a carpenter. A year later she had a son, a beautiful little boy with dimples and curlyblack hair. It was the first time I’d ever felt truly jealous of anyone else in my entire life.
She looked at me with unfathomable eyes. “It was a different time. I was the same age as you, but I wasready for it all. I yearned for my own little baby. I wanted my own house and a husband who would kiss mewhen he got home from work — just like Vera. Only I had a very different kind of house in mind. . . .
It was hard for me to imagine the world that Rosalie had known. Her story sounded more like a fairy talethan history to me. With a slight shock, I realized that this was very close to the world that Edward wouldhave experienced when he was human, the world he had grown up in. I wondered — while Rosalie sat silentfor a moment — if my world seemed as baffling to him as Rosalie’s did to me
Rosalie sighed, and when she spoke again her voice was different, the wistfulness gone.
In Rochester, there was one royal family — the Kings, ironically enough. Royce King owned the bankmy father worked at, and nearly every other really profitable business in town. That’s how his son, RoyceKing the Second” — her mouth twisted around the name, it came out through her teeth — “saw me the firsttime. He was going to take over at the bank, and so he began overseeing the different positions. Two dayslater, my mother conveniently forgot to send my father’s lunch to work with him. I remember being confusedwhen she insisted that I wear my white organza and roll my hair up just to run over to the bank.” Rosalielaughed without humor.
I didn’t notice Royce watching me particularly. Everyone watched me. But that night the first of the rosescame. Every night of our courtship, he sent a bouquet of roses to me. My room was always overflowing withthem. It got to the point that I would smell like roses when I left the house.
Royce was handsome, too. He had lighter hair than I did, and pale blue eyes. He said my eyes were likeviolets, and then those started showing up alongside the roses.
My parents approved — that’s putting it mildly. This was everything they’d dreamed of. And Royceseemed to be everything I’d dreamed of. The fairy tale prince, come to make me a princess. Everything Iwanted, yet it was still no more than I expected. We were engaged before I’d known him for two months.
We didn’t spend a great deal of time alone with each other. Royce told me he had many responsibilitiesat work, and, when we were together, he liked people to look at us, to see me on his arm. I liked that, too.
There were lots of parties, dancing, and pretty dresses. When you were a King, every door was open for you,every red carpet rolled out to greet you.
It wasn’t a long engagement. Plans went ahead for the most lavish wedding. It was going to be everythingI’d ever wanted. I was completely happy. When I called at Vera’s, I no longer felt jealous. I pictured my fair-haired children playing on the huge lawns of the Kings’ estate, and I pitied her.
Rosalie broke off suddenly, clenching her teeth together. It pulled me out of her story, and I realized thatthe horror was not far off. There would be no happy ending, as she’d promised. I wondered if this was whyshe had so much more bitterness in her than the rest of them — because she’d been within reach of everythingshe’d wanted when her human life was cut short.
I was at Vera’s that night,” Rosalie whispered. Her face was smooth as marble, and as hard. “Her littleHenry really was adorable, all smiles and dimples — he was just sitting up on his own. Vera walked me to thedoor as I was leaving, her baby in her arms and her husband at her side, his arm around her waist. He kissedher on the cheek when he thought I wasn’t looking. That bothered me. When Royce kissed me, it wasn’t quite the same — not so sweet somehow. . . . I shoved that thought aside. Royce was my prince. Someday, Iwould be queen.
It was hard to tell in the moonlight, but it looked like her bone white face got paler.
It was dark in the streets, the lamps already on. I hadn’t realized how late it was.” She continued towhisper almost inaudibly. “It was cold, too. Very cold for late April. The wedding was only a week away, andI was worrying about the weather as I hurried home — I can remember that clearly. I remember every detailabout that night. I clung to it so hard . . . in the beginning. I thought of nothing else. And so I remember this,when so many pleasant memories have faded away completely. . . .
She sighed, and began whispering again. “Yes, I was worrying about the weather. . . . I didn’t want tohave to move the wedding indoors. . . .
I was a few streets from my house when I heard them. A cluster of men under a broken streetlamp,laughing too loud. Drunk. I wished I’d called my father to escort me home, but the way was so short, itseemed silly. And then he called my name.
Rose!’ he yelled, and the others laughed stupidly.
I hadn’t realized the drunks were so well dressed. It was Royce and some of his friends, sons of otherrich men.
Here’s my Rose!’ Royce shouted, laughing with them, sounding just as stupid. ‘You’re late. We’re cold,you’ve kept us waiting so long.
I’d never seen him drink before. A toast, now and then, at a party. He’d told me he didn’t likechampagne. I hadn’t realized that he preferred something much stronger.
He had a new friend — the friend of a friend, come up from Atlanta.
What did I tell you, John,’ Royce crowed, grabbing my arm and pullingme closer. ‘Isn’t she lovelierthan all your Georgia peaches
The man named John was dark-haired and suntanned. He looked me over like I was a horse he wasbuying.
It’s hard to tell,’ he drawled slowly. ‘She’s all covered up.
They laughed, Royce like the rest.
Suddenly, Royce ripped my jacket from my shoulders — it was a gift from him — popping the brassbuttons off. They scattered all over the street.
Show him what you look like, Rose!’ He laughed again and then he tore my hat out of my hair. The pinswrenched my hair from the roots, and I cried out in pain. They seemed to enjoy that — the sound of my pain.
Rosalie looked at me suddenly, as if she’d forgotten I was there. I was sure my face was as white as hers.
Unless it was green.
I won’t make you listen to the rest,” she said quietly. “They left me in the street, still laughing as theystumbled away. They thought I was dead. They were teasing Royce that he would have to find a new bride.
He laughed and said he’d have to learn some patience first.
I waited in the road to die. It was cold, though there was so much pain that I was surprised it botheredme. It started to snow, and I wondered why I wasn’t dying. I was impatient for death to come, to end thepain. It was taking so long. . . .
Carlisle found me then. He’d smelled the blood, and come to investigate. I remember being vaguelyirritated as he worked over me, trying to save my life. I’d never liked Dr. Cullen or his wife and her brother —as Edward pretended to be then. It had upset me that they were all more beautiful than I was, especially thatthe men were. But they didn’t mingle in society, so I’d only seen them once or twice.
I thought I’d died when he pulled me from the ground and ran with me — because of the speed — it feltlike I was flying. I remembered being horrified that the pain didn’t stop. . . .
Then I was in a bright room, and it was warm. I was slipping away, and I was grateful as the pain beganto dull. But suddenly something sharp was cutting me, my throat, my wrists, my ankles. I screamed in shock,thinking he’d brought me there to hurt me more. Then fire started burning through me, and I didn’t care aboutanything else. I begged him to kill me. When Esme and Edward returned home, I begged them to kill me, too.
Carlisle sat with me. He held my hand and said that he was so sorry, promising that it would end. He told meeverything, and sometimes I listened. He told me what he was, what I was becoming. I didn’t believe him. He apologized each time I screamed.
Edward wasn’t happy. I remember hearing them discuss me. I stopped screaming sometimes. It did nogood to scream.
What were you thinking, Carlisle?’ Edward said. ‘Rosalie Hale?’” Rosalie imitated Edward’s irritatedtone to perfection. “I didn’t like the way he said my name, like there was something wrong with me.
I couldn’t just let her die,’ Carlisle said quietly. ‘It was too much — too horrible, too much waste.
I know,’ Edward said, and I thought he sounded dismissive. It angered me. I didn’t know then that hereally could see exactly what Carlisle had seen.
It was too much waste. I couldn’t leave her,’ Carlisle repeated in a whisper.
Of course you couldn’t,’ Esme agreed.
People die all the time,’ Edward reminded him in a hard voice. ‘Don’t you think she’s just a littlerecognizable, though? The Kings will have to put up a huge search — not that anyone suspects the fiend,’ hegrowled.
It pleased me that they seemed to know that Royce was guilty.
I didn’t realize that it was almost over — that I was getting stronger and that was why I was able toconcentrate on what they were saying. The pain was beginning to fade from my fingertips.
What are we going to do with her?’ Edward said disgustedly — or that’s how it sounded to me, at least.
Carlisle sighed. ‘That’s up to her, of course. She may want to go her own way.
I’d believed enough of what he’d told me that his words terrified me. I knew that my life was ended, andthere was no going back for me. I couldn’t stand the thought of being alone. . . .
The pain finally ended and they explained to me again what I was. This time I believed. I felt the thirst, myhard skin; I saw my brilliant red eyes.
Shallow as I was, I felt better when I saw my reflection in the mirror the first time. Despite the eyes, I wasthe most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.” She laughed at herself for a moment. “It took some time before I beganto blame the beauty for what had happened to me — for me to see the curse of it. To wish that I had been . . .
well, not ugly, but normal. Like Vera. So I could have been allowed to marry someone who loved me, andhave pretty babies. That’s what I’d really wanted, all along. It still doesn’t seem like too much to have askedfor.
She was thoughtful for a moment, and I wondered if she’d forgotten my presence again. But then shesmiled at me, her expression suddenly triumphant.
You know, my record is almost as clean as Carlisle’s,” she told me. “Better than Esme. A thousand timesbetter than Edward. I’ve never tasted human blood,” she announced proudly.
She understood my puzzled expression as I wondered why her record was only almost as clean.
I did murder five humans,” she told me in a complacent tone. “If you can really call them human. But Iwas very careful not to spill their blood — I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist that, and I didn’t want any partof them in me, you see.
I saved Royce for last. I hoped that he would hear of his friends’ deaths and understand, know what wascoming for him. I hoped the fear would make the end worse for him. I think it worked. He was hiding inside awindowless room behind a door as thick as a bank vault’s, guarded outside by armed men, when I caught upwith him. Oops — seven murders,” she corrected herself. “I forgot about his guards. They only took asecond.
I was overly theatrical. It was kind of childish, really. I wore a wedding dress I’d stolen for the occasion.
He screamed when he saw me. He screamed a lot that night. Saving him for last was a good idea — it made iteasier for me to control myself, to make it slower
She broke off suddenly, and she glanced down at me. “I’m sorry,” she said in a chagrined voice. “I’mfrightening you, aren’t I
I’m fine,” I lied.
I got carried away.
Don’t worry about it.
I’m surprised Edward didn’t tell you more about it.
He doesn’t like to tell other people’s stories — he feels like he’s betraying confidences, because he hearsso much more than just the parts they mean for him to hear.
She smiled and shook her head. “I probably ought to give him more credit. He’s really quite decent, isn’the
I think so.
I can tell.” Then she sighed. “I haven’t been fair to you, either, Bella. Did he tell you why? Or was thattoo confidential
He said it was because I was human. He said it was harder for you to have someone on the outside whoknew.
Rosalie’s musical laughter interrupted me. “Now I really feel guilty. He’s been much, much kinder to methan I deserve.” She seemed warmer as she laughed, like she’d let down some guard that had never beenabsent in my presence before. “What a liar that boy is.” She laughed again.
He was lying?” I asked, suddenly wary.
Well, that’s probably putting it too strongly. He just didn’t tell you the whole story. What he told you wastrue, even truer now than it was before. However, at the time . . .” She broke off, chuckling nervously. “It’sembarrassing. You see, at first, I was mostly jealous because he wanted you and not me.
Her words sent a thrill of fear through me. Sitting there in the silver light, she was more beautiful thananything else I could imagine. I could not compete with Rosalie.
But you love Emmett . . . ,” I mumbled.
She shook her head back and forth, amused. “I don’t want Edward that way, Bella. I never did — I lovehim as a brother, but he’s irritated me from the first moment I heard him speak. You have to understand,though . . . I was so used to people wanting me. And Edward wasn’t the least bit interested. It frustrated me,even offended me in the beginning. But he never wanted anyone, so it didn’t bother me long. Even when wefirst met Tanya’s clan in Denali — all those females! — Edward never showed the slightest preference. Andthen he met you.” She looked at me with confused eyes. I was only half paying attention. I was thinking aboutEdward and Tanya and all those females, and my lips pressed together in a hard line.
Not that you aren’t pretty, Bella,” she said, misreading my expression. “But it just meant that he foundyou more attractive than me. I’m vain enough that I minded.
But you said ‘at first.’ That doesn’t still . . . bother you, does it? I mean, we both know you’re the mostbeautiful person on the planet.
I laughed at having to say the words — it was so obvious. How odd that Rosalie should need suchreassurances.
Rosalie laughed, too. “Thanks, Bella. And no, it doesn’t really bother me anymore. Edward has alwaysbeen a little strange.” She laughed again.
But you still don’t like me,” I whispered.
Her smile faded. “I’m sorry about that.
We sat in silence for a moment, and she didn’t seem inclined to go on.
Would you tell me why? Did I do something . . . ?” Was she angry that I’d put her family — her Emmett— in danger? Time and time again. James, and now Victoria . . .
No, you haven’t done anything,” she murmured. “Not yet.
I stared at her, perplexed.
Don’t you see, Bella?” Her voice was suddenly more passionate than before, even while she’d told herunhappy story. “You already have everything. You have a whole life ahead of you — everything I want. Andyou’re going to just throw it away. Can’t you see that I’d trade everything I have to be you? You have thechoice that I didn’t have, and you’re choosing wrong
I flinched back from her fierce expression. I realized my mouth had fallen open and I snapped it shut.
She stared at me for a long moment and, slowly, the fervor in her eyes dimmed. Abruptly, she wasabashed.
And I was so sure that I could do this calmly.” She shook her head, seeming a little dazed by the flood ofemotion. “It’s just that it’s harder now than it was then, when it was no more than vanity.
She stared at the moon in silence. It was a few moments before I was brave enough to break into herreverie.
Would you like me better if I chose to stay human
She turned back to me, her lips twitching into a hint of a smile. “Maybe.
You did get some of your happy ending, though,” I reminded her. “You got Emmett.
I got half.” She grinned. “You know that I saved Emmett from a bear that was mauling him, and carriedhim home to Carlisle. But can you guess why I stopped the bear from eating him
I shook my head.
With the dark curls . . . the dimples that showed even while he was grimacingin pain . . . the strangeinnocence that seemed so out of place on a grown man’s face . . . he reminded me of Vera’s little Henry. Ididn’t want him to die — so much that, even though I hated this life, I was selfish enough to ask Carlisle tochange him for me.
I got luckier than I deserved. Emmett is everything I would have asked for if I’d known myself wellenough to know what to ask for. He’s exactly the kind of person someone like me needs. And, oddly enough,he needs me, too. That part worked out better than I could have hoped. But there will never be more than thetwo of us. And I’ll never sit on a porch somewhere, with him gray-haired by my side, surrounded by ourgrandchildren.
Her smile was kind now. “That sounds quite bizarre to you, doesn’t it? In some ways, you are much moremature than I was at eighteen. But in other ways . . . there are many things you’ve probably never thoughtabout seriously. You’re too young to know what you’ll want in ten years, fifteen years — and too young togive it all up without thinking it through. You don’t want to be rash about permanent things, Bella.” She pattedmy head, but the gesture didn’t feel condescending.
I sighed.
Just think about it a little. Once it’s done, it can’t be undone. Esme’s made do with us as substitutes . . .
and Alice doesn’t remember anything human so she can’t miss it. . . . You will remember, though. It’s a lot togive up.
But more to get in return, I didn’t say aloud. “Thanks, Rosalie. It’s nice to understand . . . to know youbetter.
I apologize for being such a monster.” She grinned. “I’ll try to behave myself from now on.
I grinned back at her.
We weren’t friends yet, but I was pretty sure she wouldn’t always hate me so much.
I’ll let you sleep now.” Rosalie’s eyes flickered to the bed, and her lips twitched. “I know you’refrustrated that he’s keeping you locked up like this, but don’t give him too bad a time when he gets back. Heloves you more than you know. It terrifies him to be away from you.” She got up silently and ghosted to thedoor. “Goodnight, Bella,” she whispered as she shut it behind herself.
Goodnight, Rosalie,” I murmured a second too late.
It took me a long time to fall asleep after that.
When I did sleep, I had a nightmare. I was crawling across the dark, cold stones of an unfamiliar street,under lightly falling snow, leaving a trail of blood smeared behind me. A shadowy angel in a long white dresswatched my progress with resentful eyes.
The next morning, Alice drove me to school while I stared grumpily out the windshield. I was feelingsleep-deprived, and it made the irritation of my imprisonment that much stronger.
Tonight we’ll go out to Olympia or something,” she promised. “That would be fun, right
Why don’t you just lock me in the basement,” I suggested, “and forget the sugar coating
Alice frowned. “He’s going to take the Porsche back. I’m not doing a very good job. You’re supposed tobe having fun.
It’s not your fault,” I muttered. I couldn’t believe I actually felt guilty. “I’ll see you at lunch.
I trudged off to English. Without Edward, the day was guaranteed to be unbearable. I sulked through myfirst class, well aware that my attitude wasn’t helping anything.
When the bell rang, I got up without much enthusiasm. Mike was there at the door, holding it open for me.
Edward hiking this weekend?” he asked sociably as we walked out into the light rain.
Yeah.
You want to do something tonight
How could he still sound hopeful
Can’t. I’ve got a slumber party,” I grumbled. He gave me a strange look as he processed my mood.
Who are you
Mike’s question was cut short as a loud, growling roar erupted from behind us in the parking lot.
Everyone on the sidewalk turned to look, staring in disbelief as the noisy black motorcycle screeched to a stopon the edge of the concrete, the engine still snarling.
Jacob waved to me urgently.
Run, Bella!” he yelled over the engine’s roar.
I was frozen for a second before I understood.
I looked at Mike quickly. I knew I only had seconds.
How far would Alice go to restrain me in public
I got really sick and went home, okay?” I said to Mike, my voice filled with sudden excitement.
Fine,” he muttered.
I pecked Mike swiftly on the cheek. “Thanks, Mike. I owe you one!” I called as I sprinted away.
Jacob revved his engine, grinning. I jumped on the back of his seat, wrapping my arms tightly around hiswaist.
I caught sight of Alice, frozen at the edge of the cafeteria, her eyes sparking with fury, her lip curled backover her teeth.
I shot her one pleading glance.
Then we were racing across the blacktop so fast that my stomach got lost somewhere behind me.
Hold on,” Jacob shouted.
I hid my face in his back as he sped down the highway. I knew he would slow down when we hit theQuileute border. I just had to hold on till then. I prayed silently and fervently that Alice wouldn’t follow, andthat Charlie wouldn’t happen to see me. . . .
It was obvious when we had reached the safe zone. The bike slowed, and Jacob straightened up andhowled with laughter. I opened my eyes.
We made it,” he shouted. “Not bad for a prison break, eh
Good thinking, Jake.
I remembered what you said about the psychic leech not being about to predict what I’m going to do.
I’m glad you didn’t think of this — she wouldn’t have let you go to school.
That’s why I didn’t consider it.
He laughed triumphantly. “What do you want to do today
Anything!” I laughed back. It felt great to be free.