The mistress of the British School stepped down from her school gate, and
instead of turning to the left as usual, she turned to the right. Two women who
were hastening home to scramble their husbands’ dinners together—it
was five minutes to four—stopped to look at her. They stood gazing after
her for a moment; then they glanced at each other with a woman’s little
grimace.
To be sure, the retreating figure was ridiculous: small and thin, with a black
straw hat, and a rusty cashmere dress hanging full all round the skirt. For so
small and frail and rusty a creature to sail with slow, deliberate stride was
also absurd. Hilda Rowbotham was less than thirty, so it was not years that set
the measure of her pace; she had heart disease. Keeping her face, that was
small with sickness, but not uncomely, firmly lifted and fronting ahead, the
young woman sailed on past the market-place, like a black swan of mournful,
disreputable plumage.
She turned into Berryman’s, the baker’s. The shop displayed bread
and cakes, sacks of flour and oatmeal, flitches of bacon, hams, lard and
sausages. The combination of scents was not unpleasing. Hilda Rowbotham stood
for some minutes nervously tapping and pushing a large knife that lay on the
counter, and looking at the tall, glittering brass scales. At last a morose man
with sandy whiskers came down the step from the house-place.
“What is it?” he asked, not apologizing for his delay.
“Will you give me six-pennyworth of assorted cakes and pastries—and
put in some macaroons, please?” she asked, in remarkably rapid and
nervous speech. Her lips fluttered like two leaves in a wind, and her words
crowded and rushed like a flock of sheep at a gate.
“We’ve got no macaroons,” said the man churlishly.
He had evidently caught that word. He stood waiting.
“Then I can’t have any, Mr Berryman. Now I do feel disappointed. I
like those macaroons, you know, and it’s not often I treat myself. One
gets so tired of trying to spoil oneself, don’t you think? It’s
less profitable even than trying to spoil somebody else.” She laughed a
quick little nervous laugh, putting her hand to her face.
“Then what’ll you have?” asked the man, without the ghost of
an answering smile. He evidently had not followed, so he looked more glum than
ever.
“Oh, anything you’ve got,” replied the schoolmistress,
flushing slightly. The man moved slowly about, dropping the cakes from various
dishes one by one into a paper bag.
“How’s that sister o’ yours getting on?” he asked, as
if he were talking to the flour scoop.
“Whom do you mean?” snapped the schoolmistress.
“The youngest,” answered the stooping, pale-faced man, with a note
of sarcasm.
“Emma! Oh, she’s very well, thank you!” The schoolmistress
was very red, but she spoke with sharp, ironical defiance. The man grunted.
Then he handed her the bag and watched her out of the shop without bidding her
“Good afternoon”.
She had the whole length of the main street to traverse, a half-mile of
slow-stepping torture, with shame flushing over her neck. But she carried her
white bag with an appearance of steadfast unconcern. When she turned into the
field she seemed to droop a little. The wide valley opened out from her, with
the far woods withdrawing into twilight, and away in the centre the great pit
streaming its white smoke and chuffing as the men were being turned up. A full,
rose-coloured moon, like a flamingo flying low under the far, dusky east, drew
out of the mist. It was beautiful, and it made her irritable sadness soften,
diffuse.
Across the field, and she was at home. It was a new, substantial cottage, built
with unstinted hand, such a house as an old miner could build himself out of
his savings. In the rather small kitchen a woman of dark, saturnine complexion
sat nursing a baby in a long white gown; a young woman of heavy, brutal cast
stood at the table, cutting bread and butter. She had a downcast, humble mien
that sat unnaturally on her, and was strangely irritating. She did not look
round when her sister entered. Hilda put down the bag of cakes and left the
room, not having spoken to Emma, nor to the baby, not to Mrs Carlin, who had
come in to help for the afternoon.
Almost immediately the father entered from the yard with a dustpan full of
coals. He was a large man, but he was going to pieces. As he passed through, he
gripped the door with his free hand to steady himself, but turning, he lurched
and swayed. He began putting the coals on the fire, piece by piece. One lump
fell from his hand and smashed on the white hearth. Emma Rowbotham looked
round, and began in a rough, loud voice of anger: “Look at you!”
Then she consciously moderated her tones. “I’ll sweep it up in a
minute—don’t you bother; you’ll only be going head first into
the fire.”
Her father bent down nevertheless to clear up the mess he had made, saying,
articulating his words loosely and slavering in his speech:
“The lousy bit of a thing, it slipped between my fingers like a
fish.”
As he spoke he went tilting towards the fire. The dark-browed woman cried out:
he put his hand on the hot stove to save himself; Emma swung round and dragged
him off.
“Didn’t I tell you!” she cried roughly. “Now, have you
burnt yourself?”
She held tight hold of the big man, and pushed him into his chair.
“What’s the matter?” cried a sharp voice from the other room.
The speaker appeared, a hard well-favoured woman of twenty-eight. “Emma,
don’t speak like that to father.” Then, in a tone not so cold, but
just as sharp: “Now, father, what have you been doing?”
Emma withdrew to her table sullenly.
“It’s nöwt,” said the old man, vainly protesting.
“It’s nöwt at a’. Get on wi’ what you’re
doin’.”
“I’m afraid ’e’s burnt ’is ’and,”
said the black-browed woman, speaking of him with a kind of hard pity, as if he
were a cumbersome child. Bertha took the old man’s hand and looked at it,
making a quick tut-tutting noise of impatience.
“Emma, get that zinc ointment—and some white rag,” she
commanded sharply. The younger sister put down her loaf with the knife in it,
and went. To a sensitive observer, this obedience was more intolerable than the
most hateful discord. The dark woman bent over the baby and made silent, gentle
movements of motherliness to it. The little one smiled and moved on her lap. It
continued to move and twist.
“I believe this child’s hungry,” she said. “How long is
it since he had anything?”
“Just afore dinner,” said Emma dully.
“Good gracious!” exclaimed Bertha. “You needn’t starve
the child now you’ve got it. Once every two hours it ought to be fed, as
I’ve told you; and now it’s three. Take him, poor little
mite—I’ll cut the bread.” She bent and looked at the bonny
baby. She could not help herself: she smiled, and pressed its cheek with her
finger, and nodded to it, making little noises. Then she turned and took the
loaf from her sister. The woman rose and gave the child to its mother. Emma
bent over the little sucking mite. She hated it when she looked at it, and saw
it as a symbol, but when she felt it, her love was like fire in her blood.
“I should think ’e canna be comin’,” said the father
uneasily, looking up at the clock.
“Nonsense, father—the clock’s fast! It’s but half-past
four! Don’t fidget!” Bertha continued to cut the bread and butter.
“Open a tin of pears,” she said to the woman, in a much milder
tone. Then she went into the next room. As soon as she was gone, the old man
said again: “I should ha’e thought he’d ’a’ been
’ere by now, if he means comin’.”
Emma, engrossed, did not answer. The father had ceased to consider her, since
she had become humbled.
“’E’ll come—’e’ll come!” assured the
stranger.
A few minutes later Bertha hurried into the kitchen, taking off her apron. The
dog barked furiously. She opened the door, commanded the dog to silence, and
said: “He will be quiet now, Mr Kendal.”
“Thank you,” said a sonorous voice, and there was the sound of a
bicycle being propped against a wall. A clergyman entered, a big-boned, thin,
ugly man of nervous manner. He went straight to the father.
“Ah—how are you?” he asked musically, peering down on the
great frame of the miner, ruined by locomotor ataxy.
His voice was full of gentleness, but he seemed as if he could not see
distinctly, could not get things clear.
“Have you hurt your hand?” he said comfortingly, seeing the white
rag.
“It wor nöwt but a pestered bit o’ coal as dropped, an’ I put
my hand on th’ hub. I thought tha worna commin’.”
The familiar ‘tha’, and the reproach, were unconscious retaliation
on the old man’s part. The minister smiled, half wistfully, half
indulgently. He was full of vague tenderness. Then he turned to the young
mother, who flushed sullenly because her dishonoured breast was uncovered.
“How are you?” he asked, very softly and gently, as if she
were ill and he were mindful of her.
“I’m all right,” she replied, awkwardly taking his hand
without rising, hiding her face and the anger that rose in her.
“Yes—yes”—he peered down at the baby, which sucked with
distended mouth upon the firm breast. “Yes, yes.” He seemed lost in
a dim musing.
Coming to, he shook hands unseeingly with the woman.
Presently they all went into the next room, the minister hesitating to help his
crippled old deacon.
“I can go by myself, thank yer,” testily replied the father.
Soon all were seated. Everybody was separated in feeling and isolated at table.
High tea was spread in the middle kitchen, a large, ugly room kept for special
occasions.
Hilda appeared last, and the clumsy, raw-boned clergyman rose to meet her. He
was afraid of this family, the well-to-do old collier, and the brutal,
self-willed children. But Hilda was queen among them. She was the clever one,
and had been to college. She felt responsible for the keeping up of a high
standard of conduct in all the members of the family. There was a
difference between the Rowbothams and the common collier folk. Woodbine Cottage
was a superior house to most—and was built in pride by the old man. She,
Hilda, was a college-trained schoolmistress; she meant to keep up the prestige
of her house in spite of blows.
She had put on a dress of green voile for this special occasion. But she was
very thin; her neck protruded painfully. The clergyman, however, greeted her
almost with reverence, and, with some assumption of dignity, she sat down
before the tray. At the far end of the table sat the broken, massive frame of
her father. Next to him was the youngest daughter, nursing the restless baby.
The minister sat between Hilda and Bertha, hulking his bony frame
uncomfortably.
There was a great spread on the table, of tinned fruits and tinned salmon, ham
and cakes. Miss Rowbotham kept a keen eye on everything: she felt the
importance of the occasion. The young mother who had given rise to all this
solemnity ate in sulky discomfort, snatching sullen little smiles at her child,
smiles which came, in spite of her, when she felt its little limbs stirring
vigorously on her lap. Bertha, sharp and abrupt, was chiefly concerned with the
baby. She scorned her sister, and treated her like dirt. But the infant was a
streak of light to her. Miss Rowbotham concerned herself with the function and
the conversation. Her hands fluttered; she talked in little volleys exceedingly
nervous. Towards the end of the meal, there came a pause. The old man wiped his
mouth with his red handkerchief, then, his blue eyes going fixed and staring,
he began to speak, in a loose, slobbering fashion, charging his words at the
clergyman.
“Well, mester—we’n axed you to come her ter christen this
childt, an’ you’n come, an’ I’m sure we’re very
thankful. I can’t see lettin’ the poor blessed childt miss
baptizing, an’ they aren’t for goin’ to church
wi’t—” He seemed to lapse into a muse. “So,” he
resumed, “we’v axed you to come here to do the job. I’m not
sayin’ as it’s not ’ard on us, it is. I’m
breakin’ up, an’ mother’s gone. I don’t like
leavin’ a girl o’ mine in a situation like ’ers is, but what
the Lord’s done, He’s done, an’ it’s no matter
murmuring.... There’s one thing to be thankful for, an’ we
are thankful for it: they never need know the want of bread.”
Miss Rowbotham, the lady of the family, sat very stiff and pained during this
discourse. She was sensitive to so many things that she was bewildered. She
felt her young sister’s shame, then a kind of swift protecting love for
the baby, a feeling that included the mother; she was at a loss before her
father’s religious sentiment, and she felt and resented bitterly the mark
upon the family, against which the common folk could lift their fingers. Still
she winced from the sound of her father’s words. It was a painful ordeal.
“It is hard for you,” began the clergyman in his soft, lingering,
unworldly voice. “It is hard for you today, but the Lord gives comfort in
His time. A man child is born unto us, therefore let us rejoice and be glad. If
sin has entered in among us, let us purify out hearts before the
Lord....”
He went on with his discourse. The young mother lifted the whimpering infant,
till its face was hid in her loose hair. She was hurt, and a little glowering
anger shone in her face. But nevertheless her fingers clasped the body of the
child beautifully. She was stupefied with anger against this emotion let loose
on her account.
Miss Bertha rose and went to the little kitchen, returning with water in a
china bowl. She placed it there among the tea-things.
“Well, we’re all ready,” said the old man, and the clergyman
began to read the service. Miss Bertha was godmother, the two men godfathers.
The old man sat with bent head. The scene became impressive. At last Miss
Bertha took the child and put it in the arms of the clergyman. He, big and
ugly, shone with a kind of unreal love. He had never mixed with life, and women
were all unliving, Biblical things to him. When he asked for the name, the old
man lifted his head fiercely. “Joseph William, after me,” he said,
almost out of breath.
“Joseph William, I baptize thee....” resounded the strange, full,
chanting voice of the clergyman. The baby was quite still.
“Let us pray!” It came with relief to them all. They knelt before
their chairs, all but the young mother, who bent and hid herself over her baby.
The clergyman began his hesitating, struggling prayer.
Just then heavy footsteps were heard coming up the path, ceasing at the window.
The young mother, glancing up, saw her brother, black in his pit dirt, grinning
in through the panes. His red mouth curved in a sneer; his fair hair shone
above his blackened skin. He caught the eye of his sister and grinned. Then his
black face disappeared. He had gone on into the kitchen. The girl with the
child sat still and anger filled her heart. She herself hated now the praying
clergyman and the whole emotional business; she hated her brother bitterly. In
anger and bondage she sat and listened.
Suddenly her father began to pray. His familiar, loud, rambling voice made her
shut herself up and become even insentient. Folks said his mind was weakening.
She believed it to be true, and kept herself always disconnected from him.
“We ask Thee, Lord,” the old man cried, “to look after this
childt. Fatherless he is. But what does the earthly father matter before Thee?
The childt is Thine, he is Thy childt. Lord, what father has a man but Thee?
Lord, when a man says he is a father, he is wrong from the first word. For Thou
art the Father, Lord. Lord, take away from us the conceit that our children are
ours. Lord, Thou art Father of this childt as is fatherless here. O God, Thou
bring him up. For I have stood between Thee and my children; I’ve had
my way with them, Lord; I’ve stood between Thee and my children;
I’ve cut ’em off from Thee because they were mine. And
they’ve grown twisted, because of me. Who is their father, Lord, but
Thee? But I put myself in the way, they’ve been plants under a stone,
because of me. Lord, if it hadn’t been for me, they might ha’ been
trees in the sunshine. Let me own it, Lord, I’ve done ’em mischief.
It could ha’ been better if they’d never known no father. No man is
a father, Lord: only Thou art. They can never grow beyond Thee, but I hampered
them. Lift ’em up again, and undo what I’ve done to my children.
And let this young childt be like a willow tree beside the waters, with no
father but Thee, O God. Aye an’ I wish it had been so with my children,
that they’d had no father but Thee. For I’ve been like a stone upon
them, and they rise up and curse me in their wickedness. But let me go,
an’ lift Thou them up, Lord....”
The minister, unaware of the feelings of a father, knelt in trouble, hearing
without understanding the special language of fatherhood. Miss Rowbotham alone
felt and understood a little. Her heart began to flutter; she was in pain. The
two younger daughters kneeled unhearing, stiffened and impervious. Bertha was
thinking of the baby; and the younger mother thought of the father of her
child, whom she hated. There was a clatter in the scullery. There the youngest
son made as much noise as he could, pouring out the water for his wash,
muttering in deep anger:
“Blortin’, slaverin’ old fool!”
And while the praying of his father continued, his heart was burning with rage.
On the table was a paper bag. He picked it up and read, “John
Berryman—Bread, Pastries, etc.” Then he grinned with a grimace. The
father of the baby was baker’s man at Berryman’s. The prayer went
on in the middle kitchen. Laurie Rowbotham gathered together the mouth of the
bag, inflated it, and burst it with his fist. There was a loud report. He
grinned to himself. But he writhed at the same time with shame and fear of his
father.
The father broke off from his prayer; the party shuffled to their feet. The
young mother went into the scullery.
“What art doin’, fool?” she said.
The collier youth tipped the baby under the chin, singing:
“Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake, baker’s man,
Bake me a cake as fast as you can....”
Bake me a cake as fast as you can....”
The mother snatched the child away. “Shut thy mouth,” she said, the
colour coming into her cheek.
“Prick it and stick it and mark it with P,
And put it i’ th’ oven for baby an’ me....”
And put it i’ th’ oven for baby an’ me....”
He grinned, showing a grimy, and jeering and unpleasant red mouth and white
teeth.
“I s’ll gi’e thee a dab ower th’ mouth,” said the
mother of the baby grimly. He began to sing again, and she struck out at him.
“Now what’s to do?” said the father, staggering in.
The youth began to sing again. His sister stood sullen and furious.
“Why, does that upset you?” asked the eldest Miss Rowbotham,
sharply, of Emma the mother. “Good gracious, it hasn’t improved
your temper.”
Miss Bertha came in, and took the bonny baby.
The father sat big and unheeding in his chair, his eyes vacant, his physique
wrecked. He let them do as they would, he fell to pieces. And yet some power,
involuntary, like a curse, remained in him. The very ruin of him was like a
lodestone that held them in its control. The wreck of him still dominated the
house, in his dissolution even he compelled their being. They had never lived;
his life, his will had always been upon them and contained them. They were only
half-individuals.
The day after the christening he staggered in at the doorway declaring, in a
loud voice, with joy in life still: “The daisies light up the earth, they
clap their hands in multitudes, in praise of the morning.” And his
daughters shrank, sullen.
