“I,” she said, very slowly, “I was married the same night as
you.”
He looked at her.
“Not legally, of course,” she replied.
“But—actually.”
“To the keeper?” he said, not knowing what else to say.
She turned to him.
“You thought I could not?” she said. But the flush was deep in her
cheek and throat, for all her assurance.
Still he would not say anything.
“You see”—she was making an effort to
explain—”I had to understand also.”
“And what does it amount to, this understanding?” he asked.
“A very great deal—does it not to you?” she replied.
“One is free.”
“And you are not disappointed?”
“Far from it!” Her tone was deep and sincere.
“You love him?”
“Yes, I love him.”
“Good!” he said.
This silenced her for a while.
“Here, among his things, I love him,” she said.
His conceit would not let him be silent.
“It needs this setting?” he asked.
“It does,” she cried. “You were always making me to be not
myself.”
He laughed shortly.
“But is it a matter of surroundings?” he said. He had considered
her all spirit.
“I am like a plant,” she replied. “I can only grow in my own
soil.”
They came to a place where the undergrowth shrank away, leaving a bare, brown
space, pillared with the brick-red and purplish trunks of pine trees. On the
fringe, hung the sombre green of elder trees, with flat flowers in bud, and
below were bright, unfurling pennons of fern. In the midst of the bare space
stood a keeper’s log hut. Pheasant-coops were lying about, some occupied
by a clucking hen, some empty.
Hilda walked over the brown pine-needles to the hut, took a key from among the
eaves, and opened the door. It was a bare wooden place with a carpenter’s
bench and form, carpenter’s tools, an axe, snares, traps, some skins
pegged down, everything in order. Hilda closed the door. Syson examined the
weird flat coats of wild animals, that were pegged down to be cured. She turned
some knotch in the side wall, and disclosed a second, small apartment.
“How romantic!” said Syson.
“Yes. He is very curious—he has some of a wild animal’s
cunning—in a nice sense—and he is inventive, and
thoughtful—but not beyond a certain point.”
She pulled back a dark green curtain. The apartment was occupied almost
entirely by a large couch of heather and bracken, on which was spread an ample
rabbit-skin rug. On the floor were patchwork rugs of cat-skin, and a red
calf-skin, while hanging from the wall were other furs. Hilda took down one,
which she put on. It was a cloak of rabbit-skin and of white fur, with a hood,
apparently of the skins of stoats. She laughed at Syson from out of this
barbaric mantle, saying:
“What do you think of it?”
“Ah—! I congratulate you on your man,” he replied.
“And look!” she said.
In a little jar on a shelf were some sprays, frail and white, of the first
honeysuckle.
“They will scent the place at night,” she said.
He looked round curiously.
“Where does he come short, then?” he asked. She gazed at him for a
few moments. Then, turning aside:
“The stars aren’t the same with him,” she said. “You
could make them flash and quiver, and the forget-me-nots come up at me like
phosphorescence. You could make things wonderful. I have found it
out—it is true. But I have them all for myself, now.”
He laughed, saying:
“After all, stars and forget-me-nots are only luxuries. You ought to make
poetry.”
“Aye,” she assented. “But I have them all now.”
Again he laughed bitterly at her.
She turned swiftly. He was leaning against the small window of the tiny,
obscure room, and was watching her, who stood in the doorway, still cloaked in
her mantle. His cap was removed, so she saw his face and head distinctly in the
dim room. His black, straight, glossy hair was brushed clean back from his
brow. His black eyes were watching her, and his face, that was clear and cream,
and perfectly smooth, was flickering.
“We are very different,” she said bitterly.
Again he laughed.
“I see you disapprove of me,” he said.
“I disapprove of what you have become,” she said.
“You think we might”—he glanced at the hut—“have
been like this—you and I?”
She shook her head.
“You! no; never! You plucked a thing and looked at it till you had found
out all you wanted to know about it, then you threw it away,” she said.
“Did I?” he asked. “And could your way never have been my
way? I suppose not.”
“Why should it?” she said. “I am a separate being.”
“But surely two people sometimes go the same way,” he said.
“You took me away from myself,” she said.
He knew he had mistaken her, had taken her for something she was not. That was
his fault, not hers.
“And did you always know?” he asked.
“No—you never let me know. You bullied me. I couldn’t help
myself. I was glad when you left me, really.”
“I know you were,” he said. But his face went paler, almost deathly
luminous.
“Yet,” he said, “it was you who sent me the way I have
gone.”
“I!” she exclaimed, in pride.
“You would have me take the Grammar School scholarship—and
you would have me foster poor little Botell’s fervent attachment to me,
till he couldn’t live without me—and because Botell was rich and
influential. You triumphed in the wine-merchant’s offer to send me to
Cambridge, to befriend his only child. You wanted me to rise in the world. And
all the time you were sending me away from you—every new success of mine
put a separation between us, and more for you than for me. You never wanted to
come with me: you wanted just to send me to see what it was like. I believe you
even wanted me to marry a lady. You wanted to triumph over society in
me.”
“And I am responsible,” she said, with sarcasm.
“I distinguished myself to satisfy you,” he replied.
“Ah!” she cried, “you always wanted change, change, like a
child.”
“Very well! And I am a success, and I know it, and I do some good work.
But—I thought you were different. What right have you to a man?”
“What do you want?” she said, looking at him with wide, fearful
eyes.
He looked back at her, his eyes pointed, like weapons.
“Why, nothing,” he laughed shortly.
There was a rattling at the outer latch, and the keeper entered. The woman
glanced round, but remained standing, fur-cloaked, in the inner doorway. Syson
did not move.
The other man entered, saw, and turned away without speaking. The two also were
silent.
Pilbeam attended to his skins.
“I must go,” said Syson.
“Yes,” she replied.
“Then I give you ‘To our vast and varying fortunes.’”
He lifted his hand in pledge.
“‘To our vast and varying fortunes,’” she answered
gravely, and speaking in cold tones.
“Arthur!” she said.
The keeper pretended not to hear. Syson, watching keenly, began to smile. The
woman drew herself up.
“Arthur!” she said again, with a curious upward inflection, which
warned the two men that her soul was trembling on a dangerous crisis.
The keeper slowly put down his tool and came to her.
“Yes,” he said.
“I wanted to introduce you,” she said, trembling.
“I’ve met him a’ready,” said the keeper.
“Have you? It is Addy, Mr Syson, whom you know about.—This is
Arthur, Mr Pilbeam,” she added, turning to Syson. The latter held out his
hand to the keeper, and they shook hands in silence.
“I’m glad to have met you,” said Syson. “We drop our
correspondence, Hilda?”
“Why need we?” she asked.
The two men stood at a loss.
“Is there no need?” said Syson.
Still she was silent.
“It is as you will,” she said.
They went all three together down the gloomy path.
“‘Qu’il était bleu, le ciel, et grand
l’espoir,’” quoted Syson, not knowing what to say.
“What do you mean?” she said. “Besides, we can’t
walk in our wild oats—we never sowed any.”
Syson looked at her. He was startled to see his young love, his nun, his
Botticelli angel, so revealed. It was he who had been the fool. He and she were
more separate than any two strangers could be. She only wanted to keep up a
correspondence with him—and he, of course, wanted it kept up, so that he
could write to her, like Dante to some Beatrice who had never existed save in
the man’s own brain.
At the bottom of the path she left him. He went along with the keeper, towards
the open, towards the gate that closed on the wood. The two men walked almost
like friends. They did not broach the subject of their thoughts.
Instead of going straight to the high-road gate, Syson went along the
wood’s edge, where the brook spread out in a little bog, and under the
alder trees, among the reeds, great yellow stools and bosses of marigolds
shone. Threads of brown water trickled by, touched with gold from the flowers.
Suddenly there was a blue flash in the air, as a kingfisher passed.
Syson was extraordinarily moved. He climbed the bank to the gorse bushes, whose
sparks of blossom had not yet gathered into a flame. Lying on the dry brown
turf, he discovered sprigs of tiny purple milkwort and pink spots of lousewort.
What a wonderful world it was—marvellous, for ever new. He felt as if it
were underground, like the fields of monotone hell, notwithstanding. Inside his
breast was a pain like a wound. He remembered the poem of William Morris, where
in the Chapel of Lyonesse a knight lay wounded, with the truncheon of a spear
deep in his breast, lying always as dead, yet did not die, while day after day
the coloured sunlight dipped from the painted window across the chancel, and
passed away. He knew now it never had been true, that which was between him and
her, not for a moment. The truth had stood apart all the time.
Syson turned over. The air was full of the sound of larks, as if the sunshine
above were condensing and falling in a shower. Amid this bright sound, voices
sounded small and distinct.
“But if he’s married, an’ quite willing to drop it off, what
has ter against it?” said the man’s voice.
“I don’t want to talk about it now. I want to be alone.”
Syson looked through the bushes. Hilda was standing in the wood, near the gate.
The man was in the field, loitering by the hedge, and playing with the bees as
they settled on the white bramble flowers.
There was silence for a while, in which Syson imagined her will among the
brightness of the larks. Suddenly the keeper exclaimed “Ah!” and
swore. He was gripping at the sleeve of his coat, near the shoulder. Then he
pulled off his jacket, threw it on the ground, and absorbedly rolled up his
shirt sleeve right to the shoulder.
“Ah!” he said vindictively, as he picked out the bee and flung it
away. He twisted his fine, bright arm, peering awkwardly over his shoulder.
“What is it?” asked Hilda.
“A bee—crawled up my sleeve,” he answered.
“Come here to me,” she said.
The keeper went to her, like a sulky boy. She took his arm in her hands.
“Here it is—and the sting left in—poor bee!”
She picked out the sting, put her mouth to his arm, and sucked away the drop of
poison. As she looked at the red mark her mouth had made, and at his arm, she
said, laughing:
“That is the reddest kiss you will ever have.”
When Syson next looked up, at the sound of voices, he saw in the shadow the
keeper with his mouth on the throat of his beloved, whose head was thrown back,
and whose hair had fallen, so that one rough rope of dark brown hair hung
across his bare arm.
“No,” the woman answered. “I am not upset because he’s
gone. You won’t understand....”
Syson could not distinguish what the man said. Hilda replied, clear and
distinct:
“You know I love you. He has gone quite out of my life—don’t
trouble about him....” He kissed her, murmuring. She laughed hollowly.
“Yes,” she said, indulgent. “We will be married, we will be
married. But not just yet.” He spoke to her again. Syson heard nothing
for a time. Then she said:
“You must go home, now, dear—you will get no sleep.”
Again was heard the murmur of the keeper’s voice, troubled by fear and
passion.
“But why should we be married at once?” she said. “What more
would you have, by being married? It is most beautiful as it is.”
At last he pulled on his coat and departed. She stood at the gate, not watching
him, but looking over the sunny country.
When at last she had gone, Syson also departed, going back to town.
