SCARLETT WAS in Marietta when Rhett’s urgent telegram came. There was a train leaving forAtlanta in ten minutes and she caught it, carrying no baggage except her reticule and leaving Wadeand Ella at the hotel with Prissy.
Atlanta was only twenty miles away but the train crawled interminably through the wet earlyautumn afternoon, stopping at every bypath for passengers. Panic stricken at Rhett’s message, madfor speed, Scarlett almost screamed at every halt. Down the road lumbered the train through forests faintly, tiredly gold, past red hillsides still scarred with serpentine breastworks, past old battery emplacementsand weed-grown craters, down the road over which Johnston’s men had retreated sobitterly, fighting every step of the way. Each station, each crossroad the conductor called was thename of a battle, the site of a skirmish. Once they would have stirred Scarlett to memories of terrorbut now she had no thought for them.
Rhett’s message had been
Mrs. Wilkes ill. Come home immediately.
Twilight had fallen when the train pulled into Atlanta and a light misting rain obscured the town.
The gas street lamps glowed dully, blobs of yellow in the fog. Rhett was waiting for her at thedepot with the carriage. The very sight of his face frightened her more than his telegram. She hadnever seen it so expressionless before.
She isn’t—” she cried.
No. She’s still alive.” Rhett assisted her into the carriage. “To Mrs. Wilkes’ house and as fast asyou can go,” he ordered the coachman.
What’s the matter with her? I didn’t know she was ill. She looked all right last week. Did shehave an accident? Oh, Rhett, it isn’t really as serious as you
She’s dying,” said Rhett and his voice had no more expression than his face. “She wants to seeyou.
Not Melly! Oh, not Melly! What’s happened to her
She’s had a miscarriage.
A—a-mis—but, Rhett, she—” Scarlett floundered. This information on top of the horror of hisannouncement took her breath away.
You did not know she was going to have a baby
She could not even shake her head.
Ah, well. I suppose not. I don’t think she told anyone. She wanted it to be a surprise. But Iknew.
You knew? But surely she didn’t tell you
She didn’t have to tell me. I knew. She’s been so—happy these last two months I knew itcouldn’t mean anything else.
But Rhett, the doctor said it would kill her to have another baby
It has killed her,” said Rhett. And to the coachman: “For God’s sake, can’t you drive faster
But, Rhett, she can’t be dying! I—I didn’t and I
She hasn’t your strength. She’s never had any strength. She’s never had anything but heart.
The carriage rocked to a standstill in front of the flat little house and Rhett handed her out.
Trembling, frightened, a sudden feeling of loneliness upon her, she clasped his arm.
You’re coming in, Rhett
No,” he said and got back into the carriage.
She flew up the front steps, across the porch and threw open the door. There, in the yellowlamplight were Ashley, Aunt Pitty and India. Scarlett thought: “What’s India doing here? Melanietold her never to set foot in this house again.” The three rose at the sight of her, Aunt Pitty bitingher trembling lips to still them, India staring at her, grief stricken and without hate. Ashley lookeddull as a sleepwalker and, as he came to her and put his hand upon her arm, he spoke like asleepwalker.
She asked for you,” he said. “She asked for you.
Can I see her now?” She turned toward the closed door of Melanie’s room.
No. Dr. Meade is in there now. I’m glad you’ve come, Scarlett
I came as quickly as I could.” Scarlett shed her bonnet and her cloak. “The train— She isn’treally— Tell me, she’s better, isn’t she, Ashley? Speak to me! Don’t look like that! She isn’t really
She kept asking for you,” said Ashley and looked her in the eyes. And, in his eyes she saw theanswer to her question. For a moment, her heart stood still and then a queer fear, stronger thananxiety, stronger than grief, began to beat in her breast. It can’t be true, she thought vehemently,trying to push back the fear. Doctors make mistakes. I won’t think it’s true. I can’t let myself thinkit’s true. I’ll scream if I do. I must think of something else.
I don’t believe it!” she cried stormily, looking into the three drawn faces as though defyingthem to contradict her. “And why didn’t Melanie tell me? I’d never have gone to Marietta if I’dknown
Ashley’s eyes awoke and were tormented.
She didn’t tell anyone, Scarlett, especially not you. She was afraid you’d scold her if you knew.
She wanted to wait three—till she thought it safe and sure and then surprise you all and laugh andsay how wrong the doctors had been. And she was so happy. You know how she was about babies—how much she’s wanted a little girl. And everything went so well until—and then for no reasonat all
The door of Melanie’s room opened quietly and Dr. Meade came out into the hall, shutting thedoor behind him. He stood for a moment, his gray beard sunk on his chest, and looked at thesuddenly frozen four. His gaze fell last on Scarlett. As he came toward her, she saw that there wasgrief in his eyes and also dislike and contempt that flooded her frightened heart with guilt.
So you finally got here,” he said.
Before she could answer, Ashley started toward the closed door.
Not you, yet,” said the doctor. “She wants to speak to Scarlett.
Doctor,” said India, putting a hand on his sleeve. Though her voice was toneless, it plead moreloudly than words. “Let me see her for a moment. I’ve been here since this morning, waiting, butshe— Let me see her for a moment. I want to tell her—must tell her—that I was wrong about— something.
She did not look at Ashley or Scarlett as she spoke, but Dr. Meade allowed his cold glance to fallon Scarlett.
I’ll see, Miss India,” he said briefly. “But only if you’ll give me your word not to use up herstrength telling her you were wrong. She knows you were wrong and it will only worry her to hearyou apologize.
Pitty began, timidly: “Please, Dr. Meade
Miss Pitty, you know you’d scream and faint.
Pitty drew up her stout little body and gave the doctor glance for glance. Her eyes were dry andthere was dignity in every curve.
Well, all right, honey, a little later,” said the doctor, more kindly. “Come, Scarlett.
They tiptoed down the hall to the closed door and the doctor put his hand on Scarlett’s shoulderin a hard grip.
Now, Miss,” he whispered briefly, “no hysterics and no deathbed confessions from you or,before God, I will wring your neck! Don’t give me any of your innocent stares. You know what Imean. Miss Melly is going to die easily and you aren’t going to ease your own conscience bytelling her anything about Ashley. I’ve never harmed a woman yet, but if you say anything now—you’ll answer to me.
He opened the door before she could answer, pushed her into the room and closed the doorbehind her. The little room, cheaply furnished in black walnut, was in semi-darkness, the lampshaded with a newspaper. It was as small and prim a room as a schoolgirl’s, the narrow little low-backed bed, the plain net curtains looped back, the clean faded rag rugs on the floor, were sodifferent from the lavishness of Scarlett’s own bedroom with its towering carved furniture, pinkbrocade draperies and rose-strewn carpet.
Melanie lay in the bed, her figure under the counterpane shrunken and flat like a little girl’s.
Two black braids fell on either side of her face and her closed eyes were sunken in twin purplecircles. At the sight of her Scarlett stood transfixed, leaning against the door. Despite the gloom ofthe room, she could see that Melanie’s face was of a waxy yellow color. It was drained of life’sblood and there was a pinched look about the nose. Until that moment, Scarlett had hoped Dr.
Meade was mistaken. But now she knew. In the hospitals during the war she had seen too manyfaces wearing this pinched look not to know what it inevitably presaged.
Melanie was dying, but for a moment Scarlett’s mind refused to take it in. Melanie could notdie. It was impossible for her to die. God wouldn’t let her die when she, Scarlett, needed her somuch. Never before had it occurred to her that she needed Melanie. But now, the truth surged in,down to the deepest recesses of her soul. She had relied on Melanie, even as she had relied uponherself, and she had never known it. Now, Melanie was dying and Scarlett knew she could not getalong without her. Now, as she tiptoed across the room toward the quiet figure, panic clutching ather heart, she knew that Melanie had been her sword and her shield, her comfort and her strength.
I must hold her! I can’t let her get away!” she thought and sank beside the bed with a rustle of skirts. Hastily she grasped the limp hand lying on the coverlet and was frightened anew by its chill.
It’s me, Melly,” she said.
Melanie’s eyes opened a slit and then, as if having satisfied herself that it was really Scarlett, sheclosed them again. After a pause she drew a breath and whispered
Promise me
Oh, anything
Beau—look after him.
Scarlett could only nod, a strangled feeling in her throat, and she gently pressed the hand sheheld by way of assent.
I give him to you.” There was the faintest trace of a smile. “I gave him to you, once before—‘member?—before he was born.
Did she remember? Could she ever forget that time? Almost as clearly as if that dreadful dayhad returned, she could feel the stifling heat of the September noon, remembering her terror of theYankees, hear the tramp of the retreating troops, recall Melanie’s voice begging her to take thebaby should she die—remember, too, how she had hated Melanie that day and hoped that shewould die.
I’ve killed her,” she thought, in superstitious agony. “I wished so often she would die and Godheard me and is punishing me.
Oh, Melly, don’t talk like that! You know you’ll pull through this
No. Promise.
Scarlett gulped.
You know I promise. I’ll treat him like he was my own boy.
College?” asked Melanie’s fault flat voice.
Oh, yes! The university and Harvard and Europe and anything he wants—and—and—a pony—and music lessons— Oh, please, Melly, do try! Do make an effort
The silence fell again and on Melanie’s face there were signs of a struggle to gather strength tospeak.
Ashley,” she said. “Ashley and you—” Her voice faltered into stillness.
At the mention of Ashley’s name, Scarlett’s heart stood still, cold as granite within her. Melaniehad known all the time. Scarlett dropped her head on the coverlet and a sob that would not risecaught her throat with a cruel hand. Melanie knew. Scarlett was beyond shame now, beyond anyfeeling save a wild remorse that she had hurt this gentle creature throughout the long years.
Melanie had known—and yet, she had remained her loyal friend. Oh, if she could only live thoseyears over again! She would never even let her eyes meet those of Ashley.
O God,” she prayed rapidly, “do, please, let her live! I’ll make it up to her. I’ll be so good toher. I’ll never even speak to Ashley again as long as I live, if You’ll only let her get well
Ashley,” said Melanie feebly and her fingers readied out to touch Scarlett’s bowed head. Herthumb and forefinger tugged with no more strength than that of a baby at Scarlett’s hair. Scarlettknew what that meant, knew Melanie wanted her to look up. But she could not, could not meetMelanie’s eyes and read that knowledge in them.
Ashley,” Melanie whispered again and Scarlett gripped herself. When she looked God in theface on the Day of Judgment and read her sentence in His eyes, it would not be as bad as this. Hersoul cringed but she raised her head.
She saw only the same dark loving eyes, sunken and drowsy with death, the same tender mouthtiredly fighting pain for breath. No reproach was there, no accusation and no fear—only an anxietythat she might not find strength for words.
For a moment Scarlett was too stunned to even feel relief. Then, as she held Melanie’s handmore closely, a flood of warm gratitude to God swept over her and, for the first time since herchildhood, she said a humble, unselfish prayer.
Thank You, God. I know I’m not worth it but thank You for not letting her know.
What about Ashley, Melly
You’ll—look after him
Oh, yes.
He catches cold—so easily.
There was a pause.
Look after—his business—you understand
Yes, I understand. I will.
She made a great effort.
Ashley isn’t—practical.
Only death could have forced that disloyalty from Melanie.
Look after him, Scarlett—but—don’t ever let him know.
I’ll look after him and the business too, and I’ll never let him know. I’ll just kind of suggestthings to him.
Melanie managed a small smile but it was a triumphant one as her eyes met Scarlett’s again.
Their glance sealed the bargain that the protection of Ashley Wilkes from a too harsh world waspassing from one woman to another and that Ashley’s masculine pride should never be humbled bythis knowledge.
Now the struggle went out of the tired face as though with Scarlett’s promise, ease had come toher.
You’re so smart—so brave—always been so good to me
At these words, the sob came freely to Scarlett’s throat and she clapped her hand over hermouth. Now, she was going to bawl like a child and cry out: “I’ve been a devil! I’ve wronged you so! I never did anything for you! It was all for Ashley.
She rose to her feet abruptly, sinking her teeth into her thumb to regain her control. Rhett’swords came back to her again, “She loves you. Let that be your cross.” Well, the cross was heaviernow. It was bad enough that she had tried by every art to take Ashley from her. But now it wasworse that Melanie, who had trusted her blindly through life, was laying the same love and trust onher in death. No, she could not speak. She could not even say again: “Make an effort to live.” Shemust let her go easily, without a struggle, without tears, without sorrow.
The door opened slightly and Dr. Meade stood on the threshold, beckoning imperiously. Scarlettbent over the bed, choking back her tears and taking Melanie’s hand, laid it against her cheek.
Good night,” she said, and her voice was steadier than she thought it possibly could be.
Promise me—” came the whisper, very softly now.
Anything, darling.
Captain Butler—be kind to him. He—loves you so.
Rhett?” thought Scarlett, bewildered, and the words meant nothing to her.
Yes, indeed,” she said automatically and, pressing a light kiss on the hand, laid it back on thebed.
Tell the ladies to come in immediately,” whispered the doctor as she passed through the door.
Through blurred eyes she saw India and Pitty follow the doctor into the room, holding theirskirts close to their sides to keep them from rustling. The door closed behind them and the housewas still. Ashley was nowhere to be seen. Scarlett leaned her head against the wall, like a naughtychild in a corner, and rubbed her aching throat.
Behind that door, Melanie was going and, with her, the strength upon which she had reliedunknowingly for so many years. Why, oh, why, had she not realized before this how much sheloved and needed Melanie? But who would have thought of small plain Melanie as a tower ofstrength? Melanie who was shy to tears before strangers, timid about raising her voice in anopinion of her own, fearful of the disapproval of old ladies, Melanie who lacked the courage to sayBoo to a goose? And yet—Scarlett’s mind went back through the years to the still, hot noon at Tara when gray smokecurled above a blue-clad body and Melanie stood at the top of the stairs with Charles’ saber in herhand. Scarlett remembered that she had thought at the time: “How silly! Melly couldn’t even heftthat sword!” But now she knew that had the necessity arisen, Melanie would have charged downthose stairs and killed the Yankee—or been killed herself.
Yes, Melanie had been there that day with a sword in her small hand, ready to do battle for her.
And now, as Scarlett looked sadly back, she realized that Melanie had always been there beside herwith a sword in her hand, unobtrusive as her own shadow, loving her, fighting for her with blindpassionate loyalty, fighting Yankees, fire, hunger, poverty, public opinion and even her belovedblood kin.
Scarlett felt her courage and self-confidence ooze from her as she realized that the sword which had flashed between her and the world was sheathed forever.
Melly is the only woman friend I ever had,” she thought forlornly, “the only woman exceptMother who really loved me. She’s like Mother, too. Everyone who knew her has clung to herskirts.
Suddenly it was as if Ellen were lying behind that closed door, leaving the world for a secondtime. Suddenly she was standing at Tara again with the world about her ears, desolate with theknowledge that she could not face life without the terrible strength of the weak, the gentle, thetender hearted.
She stood in the hall, irresolute, frightened, and the glaring light of the fire in the sitting roomthrew tall dim shadows on the walls about her. The house was utterly still and the stillness soakedinto her like a fine chill rain. Ashley! Where was Ashley
She went toward the sitting room seeking him like a cold animal seeking the fire but he was notthere. She must find him. She had discovered Melanie’s strength and her dependence on it only tolose it in the moment of discovery but there was still Ashley left. There was Ashley who wasstrong and wise and comforting. In Ashley and his love lay strength upon which to lay herweakness, courage to bolster her fear, ease for her sorrow.
He must be in his room, she thought, and tiptoeing down the hall, she knocked softly. There wasno answer, so she pushed the door open. Ashley was standing in front of the dresser, looking at apair of Melanie’s mended gloves. First he picked up one and looked at it, as though he had neverseen it before. Then he laid it down gently, as though it were made of glass, and picked up theother one.
She said: “ Ashley!” in a trembling voice and he turned slowly and looked at her. The drowsyaloofness had gone from his gray eyes and they were wide and unmasked. In them she saw fearthat matched her own fear, helplessness weaker than her own, bewilderment more profound thanshe would ever know. The feeling of dread which had possessed her in the hall deepened as shesaw his face. She went toward him.
I’m frightened,” she said. “Oh, Ashley, hold me. I’m so frightened
He made no move to her but stared, gripping the glove tightly in both hands. She put a hand onhis arm and whispered: “What is it
His eyes searched her intently, hunting, hunting desperately for something he did not find.
Finally he spoke and his voice was not his own.
I was wanting you,” he said. “I was going to run and find you—run like a child wantingcomfort—and I find a child, more frightened, running to me.
Not you—you can’t be frightened,” she cried. “Nothing has ever frightened you. But I—You’ve always been so strong
If I’ve ever been strong, it was because she was behind me,” he said, his voice breaking, and helooked down at the glove and smoothed the fingers. “And—and—all the strength I ever had isgoing with her.
There was such a note of wild despair in his low voice that she dropped her hand from his armand stepped back. And in the heavy silence that fell between them, she felt that she reallyunderstood him for the first time in her life.
Why—” she said slowly, “why, Ashley, you love her, don’t you
He spoke as with an effort.
She is the only dream I ever had that lived and breathed and did not die in the face of reality.
Dreams!” she thought, an old irritation stirring. “Always dreams with him! Never commonsense
With a heart that was heavy and a little bitter, she said: “You’ve been such a fool, Ashley. Whycouldn’t you see that she was worth a million of me
Scarlett, please! If you only knew what I’ve gone through since the doctor
What you’ve gone through! Don’t you think that I— Oh, Ashley, you should have known,years ago, that you loved her and not me! Why didn’t you! Everything would have been sodifferent, so— Oh, you should have realized and not kept me dangling with all your talk abouthonor and sacrifice! If you’d told me, years ago, I’d have— It would have killed me but I couldhave stood it somehow. But you wait till now, till Melly’s dying, to find it out and now it’s too lateto do anything. Oh, Ashley, men are supposed to know such things—not women! You should haveseen so clearly that you loved her all the time and only wanted me like—like Rhett wants thatWatling woman
He winced at her words but his eyes still met hers, imploring silence, comfort. Every line of hisface admitted the truth of her words. The very droop of his shoulders showed that his own self-castigation was more cruel than any she could give. He stood silent before her, clutching the glovethough it were an understanding hand and, in the stillness that followed her words, herind(as) ignation fell away and pity, tinged with contempt, took its place. Her conscience smote her. Shewas kicking a beaten and defenseless man—and she had promised Melanie that she would lookafter him.
And just as soon as I promised her, I said mean, hurting things to him and there’s no need forme to say them or for anyone to say them. He knows the truth and it’s killing him,” she thoughtdesolately. “He’s not grown up. He’s a child, like me, and he’s sick with fear at losing her. Mellyknew how it would be—Melly knew him far better than I do. That’s why she said look after himand Beau, in the same breath. How can Ashley ever stand this? I can stand it. I can stand anything.
I’ve had to stand so much. But he can’t—he can’t stand anything without her.
Forgive me, darling,” she said gently, putting out her arms. “I know what you must besuffering. But remember, she doesn’t know anything—she never even suspected— God was thatgood to us.
He came to her quickly and his arms went round her blindly. She tiptoed to bring her warmcheek comfortingly against his and with one hand she smoothed the back of his hair.
Don’t cry, sweet. She’d want you to be brave. She’ll want to see you in a moment and you mustbe brave. She mustn’t see that you’ve been crying. It would worry her.
He held her in a grip that made breathing difficult and his choking voice was in her ear.
What will I do? I can’t—I can’t live without her
I can’t either,” she thought, shuddering away from the picture of the long years to come,without Melanie. But she caught herself in a strong grasp. Ashley was depending on her, Melaniewas depending on her. As once before, in the moonlight at Tara, drunk, exhausted, she had thought
Burdens are for shoulders strong enough to carry them.” Well, her shoulders were strong andAshley’s were not. She squared her shoulders for the load and with a calmness she was far fromfeeling, kissed his wet cheek without fever or longing or passion, only with cool gentleness.
We shall manage—somehow,” she said.
A door opened with sudden violence into the hall and Dr. Meade called with sharp urgency
Ashley! Quick
My God! She’s gone!” thought Scarlett “And Ashley didn’t get to tell her good-by! But maybe
Hurry!” she cried aloud, giving him a push, for he stood staring like one stunned. “Hurry
She pulled open the door and motioned him through. Galvanized by her words, he ran into thehall, the glove still clasped closely in his hand. She heard his rapid steps for a moment and then theclosing of a door.
She said, “My God!” again and walking slowly to the bed, sat down upon it and dropped herhead in her hands. She was suddenly tired, more tired than she had ever been in all her life. Withthe sound of the closing door, the strain under which she had been laboring, the strain which hadgiven her strength, suddenly snapped. She felt exhausted in body and drained of emotions. Nowshe felt no sorrow or remorse, no fear or amazement. She was tired and her mind ticked awaydully, mechanically, as the clock on the mantel.
Out of the dullness, one thought arose. Ashley did not love her and had never really loved herand the knowledge did not hurt. It should hurt. She should be desolate, broken hearted, ready toscream at fate. She had relied upon his love for so long. It had upheld her through so many darkplaces. Yet, there the truth was. He did not love her and she did not care. She did not care becauseshe did not love him. She did not love him and so nothing he could do or say could hurt her.
She lay down on the bed and put her head on the pillow tiredly. Useless to try to combat theidea, useless to say to herself: “But I do love him. I’ve loved him for years. Love can’t change toapathy in a minute.
But it could change and it had changed.
He never really existed at all, except in my imagination,” she thought wearily. “I lovedsomething I made up, something that’s just as dead as Melly is. I made a pretty suit of clothes andfell in love with it. And when Ashley came riding along, so handsome, so different, I put that suiton him and made him wear it whether it fitted him or not. And I wouldn’t see what he really was. Ikept on loving the pretty clothes—and not him at all.
Now she could look back down the long years and see herself in green flowered dimity, standing in the sunshine at Tara, thrilled by the young horseman with his blond hair shining like a silverhelmet. She could see so clearly now that he was only a childish fancy, no more important reallythan her spoiled desire for the aquamarine earbobs she had coaxed out of Gerald. For, once sheowned the earbobs, they had lost their value, as everything except money lost its value once it washers. And so he, too, would have become cheap if, in those first far-away days, she had ever hadthe satisfaction of refusing to marry him. If she had ever had him at her mercy, seen him grownpassionate, importunate, jealous, sulky, pleading, like the other boys, the wild infatuation whichhad possessed her would have passed, blowing away as lightly as mist before sunshine and lightwind when she met a new man.
What a fool I’ve been,” she thought bitterly. “And now I’ve got to pay for it What I’ve wishedfor so often has happened. I’ve wished Melly was dead so I could have him. And now she’s deadand I’ve got him and I don’t want him. His damned honor will make him ask me if I want todivorce Rhett and marry him. Marry him? I wouldn’t have him on a silver platter! But, just thesame I’ve got him round my neck for the rest of my life. As long as I live I’ll have to look afterhim and see that he doesn’t starve and that people don’t hurt his feelings. He’ll be just anotherchild, clinging to my skirts. I’ve lost my lover and I’ve got another child. And if I hadn’t promisedMelly, I’d—I wouldn’t care if I never saw him again.