英语小说网

"All right then," he said, his voice seething with disapproval. "Up you go."

He helped me onto his back, and took off running. Even after all this time, it felt routine. Easy. Evidently this was something you never forgot, like riding a bicycle.

I remembered that running through the forest like this used to frighten me, that I used to have to close my eyes. It seemed a silly reaction to me now. I kept my eyes wide, my chin resting on his shoulder, my cheek against his neck. The speed was exhilarating. A hundred times better than the motorcycle.

He was not pleased, That much was easy to read in his face. But, without further argument, he took me in his arms and sprang lithely from my window, landing without the slightest jolt, like a cat. It was a little bit farther down than I'd imagined.

It was so very quiet and dark as he ran through the forest, his breathing slow and even -- dark enough that the trees flying past us were nearly invisible, and only the rush of air in my face truly gave away our speed. The air was damp; it didn't burn my eyes the way the wind in the big plaza had, and that was comforting. As was the night, too, after that terrifying brightness. Like the thick quilt I'd played under as a child, the dark felt familiar and protecting.

"I'll earn your trust back somehow," he murmured, mostly to himself. "If it's my final act."

I laughed. The sound was easy, natural, effortless. It sounded right. "Not really. More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

"Thank you," he said, as the vague, black shapes of trees raced past us. "Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"

"I trust you," I assured him. "It's me I don't trust."

I turned my face toward him and pressed my lips into the cold stone skin of his neck.

He'd slowed to a walk -- I could only tell because the wind ceased -- and I guessed that we weren't far from the house. In fact, I thought I could make out the sound of the river rushing somewhere close by in the darkness.

"Explain that, please."

"Well --" I struggled to find the right way to phrase it. "I don't trust myself to be… enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could hold you."

He stopped and reached around to pull me from his back. His gentle hands did not release me; after he'd set me on my feet again, he wrapped his arms tightly around me, hugging me to his chest.

I rolled my eyes. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me."

"What?"

He pulled one corner of his mouth up halfheartedly, but the expression didn't touch his eyes. "If there was only some way to make you see that I can't leave you," he whispered. "Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."

"Don't," I whispered, touching his face. "Don't be sad."

"I'll give you one guess." I sighed, and reached up to touch the tip of his nose with my index finger.

But how could I not?

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable," he whispered. "Never doubt that."

He nodded. "I'm worse than the Volturi," he said grimly. "I guess I've earned that."

"You can leave me," I explained. "The Volturi, Victoria… they're nothing compared to that."

He waited with tense eyes.

Even in the darkness, I could see the anguish twist his face -- it reminded me of his expression under Jane's torturing gaze; I felt sick, and regretted speaking the truth.

"You never did tell me…" he murmured.

"What your greatest problem is."

I liked the idea of time. "Okay," I agreed.

"I think," I said slowly, "I'm not sure, but I wonder… I think maybe I knew it the whole time."

His face was still tormented. I tried to distract him with inconsequentials.

My attempt worked, to an extent: he laughed. But his eyes retained the misery. "Your things were never gone," he told me. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets -- they're all under your floorboards."

"So -- since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?" I asked, making my tone as light as I could manage.

"Really?"

He nodded, seeming slightly cheered by my obvious pleasure in this trivial fact. It wasn't enough to heal the pain in his face completely.

"What did you know?"

"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

I only wanted to take away the agony in his eyes, but as I spoke the words, they sounded truer than I expected they would.

"It's pretty pathetic."

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."

"Well, about that… See, I found that… when I was doing something dangerous or stupid… I could remember you more clearly," I confessed, feeling completely mental. "I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much -- it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt.

"Motorcycle?" he asked. I knew his voice well enough to hear something brewing behind the calm.

"Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story." The wary look on his face made me wish that I hadn't brought that up. Would he think I was crazy, like everyone else? Was everyone else right about that? But at least that expression -- the one that made him look like something was burning him -- faded.

I wasn't sure how to explain. "Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?"

"Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle --"

He waited.

He spoke the words without inflection or emphasis. "You jumped off a cliff for fun."

There was a very deep silence for a moment. "Voices?" he asked flatly.

"No."

"I've got time." His voice was unnaturally even.

"And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all. I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me."

Again, as I spoke, the words brought with them a sense of conviction. Of rightness. Some deep place inside me recognized truth.

His words came out half-strangled. "You… were… risking your life… to hear --"

"Shh," I interrupted him. "Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

Option three: Edward loved me. The bond forged between us was not one that could be broken by absence, distance, or time. And no matter how much more special or beautiful or brilliant or perfect than me he might be, he was as irreversibly altered as I was. As I would always belong to him, so would he always be mine.

I thought of that night in Port Angeles when I'd had my first delusion. I'd come up with two options. Insanity or wish fulfillment. I'd seen no third option.

But what if…

What if you sincerely believed something was true, but you were dead wrong? What if you were so stubbornly sure that you were right, that you wouldn't even consider the truth? Would the truth be silenced, or would it try to break through?

My heart inflated like it was going to crack right through my ribs. It filled my chest and blocked my throat so that I could not speak.

"You love me," I marveled. The sense of conviction and Tightness washed through me again.

Though his eyes were still anxious, the crooked smile I loved best flashed across his face. "Truly, I do."

"Your epiphany?" he asked, his voice uneven and strained.

"Bella?"

"You were better at it than I was, you know," he told me.

He really did want me the way I wanted him -- forever. It was only fear for my soul, for the human things he didn't want to take from me, that made him so desperate to leave me mortal. Compared to the fear that he didn't want me, this hurdle -- my soul -- seemed almost insignificant.

"Oh!"

"Oh. Okay. I see."

He took my face tightly between his cool hands and kissed me until I was so dizzy the forest was spinning. Then he leaned his forehead against mine, and I was not the only one breathing harder than usual.

Was that what I'd been trying to tell myself?

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was… totally useless. I couldn't be around my family -- I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me." He grinned, sheepish. "It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too."

"Better at what?"

"I only heard one voice," I corrected him.

"I'm just humoring you with this." He motioned broadly with his hand toward the darkness in front of us as we walked. There was something pale and immense there -- the house, I realized. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

He laughed and then pulled me tight against his right side and started to lead me forward.

I was deeply relieved that he really seemed to understand -- comforted that this all made sense to him. At any rate, he wasn't looking at me like I was crazy. He was looking at me like… he loved me.

He led me through the open front door into the dark house and flipped the lights on. The room was just as I'd remembered it -- the piano and the white couches and the pale, massive staircase. No dust, no white sheets.

Carlisle was suddenly standing beside me, as if he'd been there all along. "Welcome back, Bella." He smiled. "What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"

Edward called out the names with no more volume than I'd use in regular conversation. "Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?" They would hear.

I couldn't help glancing up at Edward's face as I spoke. His expression was critical, but resigned. When I looked back to Carlisle, he was looking at Edward, too.

"Of course," Carlisle said. "Why don't we talk in the other room?"

"This affects them now, too." He shrugged indifferently.

I nodded. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important."

Carlisle led the way through the bright living room, around the corner to the dining room, turning on lights as he went. The walls were white, the ceilings high, like the living room. In the center of the room, under the low-hanging chandelier, was a large, polished oval table surrounded by eight chairs. Carlisle held out a chair for me at the head.

I'd never seen the Cullens use the dining room table before -- it was just a prop. They didn't eat in the house.

I swallowed. Their gazing eyes made me nervous. Edward took my hand under the table. I peeked at him, but he was watching the others, his fate suddenly fierce.

As soon as I turned to sit in the chair, I saw that we were not alone. Esme had followed Edward, and behind her the rest of the family filed in.

Carlisle nodded toward me. "The floor is yours."

Carlisle sat down on my right, and Edward on my left. Everyone else took their seats in silence. Alice was grinning at me, already in on the plot. Emmett and Jasper looked curious, and Rosalie smiled at me tentatively. My answering smile was just as timid. That was going to take some getting used to.

"Well," I paused. "I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

I threw her a meaningful look. "And on the way?"

"Everything," Alice assured me.

"Good," I sighed with relief. "Then we're all on the same page."

"That, too," she nodded.

"So, I have a problem," I began. "Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing -- something to avoid.

"Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then… I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have them coming here." My forehead creased as I considered that.

Esme opened her mouth to speak, but I held up one finger to stop her.

They waited patiently while I tried to order my thoughts.

"And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." I looked at each one of their beautiful faces, saving the most beautiful for last. Edward's mouth was turned down into a grimace. "But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

"Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."

There was the faint rumble of a growl in Edward's chest. I ignored him.

"You see," he explained, looking around the table while he spoke, "there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to cine them in." He grinned.

"Which was?" Alice prodded. I was sure my expression was just as skeptical as hers.

I shuddered. He took that as a yes.

I half-smiled on the last word, and gestured toward Carlisle to begin.

I sighed.

His expression became more animated. He put his free hand on the shining table and leaned forward.

"About the danger Bella's referring to," he continued. "I don't think we need to be overly anxious."

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" He glanced down at me.

I glared at him through narrowed eyes. He raised his eyebrows at me, squeezing my hand.

"Just a minute," Edward interrupted.

"I have something to add before we vote."

"He finds people -- that's his talent, why they keep him.

"But after Aro's little experiments, well…" Edward shrugged.

"You think he won't be able to find me," I said flatly.

"Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker -- a tracker a thousand times more gifted than Jarres was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the… flavor? I don't know how to describe it… the tenor… of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances.

He was smug.

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless," he said with fierce enjoyment. "It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!"

"And how does that solve anything?"

This made no sense. "But they can find you," I reminded him.

He and Emmett exchanged a glance and a smirk.

"I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

"All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider," I said coolly. "Let's vote."

"Excellent plan, my brother," he said with enthusiasm.

Edward stretched out his arm to smack Emmett's fist with his own.

"Absolutely not," I agreed.

"Alice?"

I nodded once, keeping my face businesslike, and then moved on.

"Yes," he said, voice grave. I was a little surprised -- I hadn't been at all sure of his vote -- but I suppressed my reaction and moved on.

Esme just glared at Edward.

"And I can take care of myself."

I looked toward Edward this time; it would be better to get his opinion out of the way. "Do you want me to join your family?"

I straightened up in my chair, focusing. This was my meeting.

"No," Rosalie hissed.

"Yes."

She hesitated, biting down on her full, perfect bottom lip.

Emmett laughed, and reached across the table toward his brother, extending a fist.

His eyes were hard and black as flint. "Not that way. You're staying human."

"Idiots," Alice muttered.

"Jasper?"

"Rosalie?"

"Nice." Jasper's voice was appreciative.

I nodded slowly, and then turned to Emmett.

I was still grimacing at that when I looked at Esme.

"Hell, yes!" He grinned.

"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of my family."

"Let me explain," she pleaded. "I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that… this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."

I kept my face blank and turned my head slightly to move on, but she held up both her hands, palms forward.

"It's the only way that makes sense," Carlisle insisted. "You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice."

"We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri."

"Thank you, Esme," I murmured as I turned toward Carlisle.

I was suddenly nervous, wishing I had asked for his vote first. I was sure that this was the vote that mattered most, the vote that counted more than any majority.

Carlisle wasn't looking at me. "Edward," he said.

"No."

"No," Edward growled. His jaw was strained tight, his lips curled back from his teeth.

Esme was at my side in a flash, her cold arms around me. "Dearest Bella," she breathed.

"Well, Alice," I said when Esme released me.

I was still staring after Edward. "Thanks," I mumbled.

I flinched, and spoke quickly. "That's all I needed. Thank you. For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you, too." My voice was jagged with emotion by the end.

An earsplitting crash echoed from the other room.

Alice stared at me, her eyes widening with terror.

"No! No! NO!" Edward roared, charging back into the room. He was in my face before I had time to blink, bending over me, his expression twisted in rage. "Are you insane?" he shouted. "Have you utterly lost your mind?"

Edward dropped my hand, shoving away from the table. He stalked out of the room, snarling under his breath.

"Where do you want to do this?"

"I guess you know my vote." Carlisle sighed.

I hugged her back. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Rosalie looking down at the table, and I realized that my words could be construed in two ways.

"You can do it," I encouraged. "I trust you."

"I'm able to do it," he answered my question. I wished I could see his expression. "You would be in no danger of me losing control."

Edward grabbed my face in his hand, forcing me to look at him. His other hand was out, palm toward Carlisle.

"Sounds good." I hoped he could understand; it was hard to talk clearly the way Edward held my jaw.

Edward snarled in fury.

Alice shook her head quickly, looking panicked.

Carlisle ignored that.

"Um, Bella," Alice interjected in an anxious voice. "I don't think I'm ready for that. I'll need to prepare…"

"Of course you can," I said sourly. "Now let go of me."

"There's no reason for it not to be now," I said, the words coming out distorted.

"You promised," I reminded her, glaring under Edward's arm.

"I know, but… Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to not kill you."

"Hold on," Edward said between his teeth. "It doesn't have to be now."

I cringed away, my hands over my ears.

"I can think of a few?"

"Carlisle?" I turned to look at him.

This was always the hardest part. Charlie, Renee. Now Jacob, too. The people I would lose, the people I would hurt. I wished there was some way that I could be the only one to suffer, but I knew that was impossible.

"All three of them." But I frowned.

At the same time, I was hurting them more by staying human. Putting Charlie in constant danger through my proximity. Putting Jake in worse danger still by drawing his enemies across the land he felt bound to protect.

He freed my face, and folded his arms across his chest. "In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

Accepting this, I knew I needed to be able to take care of myself and protect the ones I loved, even if that meant that I couldn't be with them. I needed to be strong.

I was a danger magnet; I'd accepted that about myself.

And Renee -- I couldn't even risk a visit to see my own mother for fear of bringing my deadly problems along with me!

"In the interest of remaining inconspicuous," Edward said, still talking through his gritted teeth, but looking at Carlisle now, "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

"Just in case Charlie wakes up early."

Edward relaxed. His jaw unclenched.

"I should probably take you home," he said, more calm now, but clearly in a hurry to get me out of here.

Edward rushed me out of the house before Carlisle could promise me anything else. He took me out the back, so I didn't get to see what was broken in the living room.

"You have my word."

It was a quiet trip home. I was feeling triumphant, and a little smug. Scared stiff, too, of course, but I tried not to think about that part. It did me no good to worry about the pain -- the physical or the emotional -- so I wouldn't. Not until I absolutely had to.

I pursed my lips. "I'll consider it."

I looked at Carlisle. "After graduation?"

I took a deep breath, smiled, and turned back to Edward. "Okay. You can take me home."

I thought about Charlie's reaction when he woke up this morning, if -- after all that life had put him through in the last week with Harry's loss, and then I had put him through with my unexplained disappearance -- he were to find my bed empty. Charlie deserved better than that. It was just a little more time; graduation wasn't so far away…

"That's a reasonable request, Bella," Carlisle pointed out.

"Ugh," I groaned, throwing myself back on the bed and pulling the quilt over my head.

"If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand. Now… tell me something."

He paced silently back and forth across my dark room while I watched with growing suspicion.

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"

"What?" I asked, unwilling.

When we got to my house, Edward didn't pause. He dashed up the wall and through my window in half a second. Then he pulled my arms frcm around his neck and set me on the bed.

I could feel the skepticism in my eyes. "You."

There was no sound, but suddenly he was there. He flipped the cover back so he could see me. He was lying next to me. His hand reached up to brush my hair from my cheek.

I thought I had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking, but his expression surprised me. Instead of furious, it was calculating.

"Shh. I'm thinking."

"Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work," I told him.

"I would want… Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want you to change me."

I watched his reaction warily, expecting more of the fury I'd seen at his house. I was surprised that his expression didn't change. It was still calculating, thoughtful.

I wasn't sure where he was trying to lead me, so I thought carefully before I answered. I came up with something that was both true, and also probably impossible.

He frowned. "Three years?"

"What would you be willing to trade for that?"

"Yes, but… you'll use the time to find a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human -- for me, at least. So, anything but that."

He smiled faintly, and then pursed his lips. "Five years?"

I couldn't believe my ears. I gawked at his composed face and blurted out the answer before I could think about it. "Anything."

My face twisted into an expression somewhere between chagrin and horror.

"You said anything," he reminded me.

He shook his head impatiently. "Something you don't already have."

"No!"

He rolled his eyes. "Not good enough."

"Edward, please be serious."

"At least give me two."

His eyes were cautious -- he spoke slowly. "Marry me first."

"Condition?" My voice went flat. "What condition?"

"Oh, c'mon," I said, an edge of hysteria in my voice. "I'm only eighteen."

He sighed. "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."

"No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere near twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I."

"One year, then," I said. "That's my limit."

He thought for a minute. "All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one -- then you'll just have to meet one condition."

I thought about how much I wanted this. Better to keep a poker face, I decided, and not let him know how very much that was. It would give me more leverage. "Six months?"

I stared at him, waiting…"Okay. What's the punch line?"

"I am one hundred percent serious." He gazed at me with no hint of humor in his face.

"Isn't it worth anyrhing to you at all?"

"You think you're joking."

"Because she'd rather you became one of the eternal damned than get married." He laughed darkly.

"I'm… afraid of Renee. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty."

"Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten. It's time I settled down."

He inhaled deeply. "Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the commitment," his voice was disbelieving, and I understood what he meant.

"Well," I interrupted. "What if I did? What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?"

"Look, marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Renee and Charlie."

I looked away, out the dark window, trying to control the panic before it gave me away.

"You know what I mean."

"That's not it exactly," I hedged.

"Interesting choice of words."

"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your soul in exchange for an eternity as a vampire…" He shook his head. "If you're not brave enough to marry me, then --"

I groaned again.

He gauged my expression for a second. "Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?"

"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave," Edward said with resignation.

My heart stopped beating.

He chuckled. "Is that why you won't marry me?"

He leaned toward me; his night-dark eyes melted and smoldered and shattered my concentration.

"Fine. I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate."

"You're impossible," I groaned. "A monster."

"Please, Bella?" he breathed.

I forgot how to breathe for a moment. When I recovered, I shook my head quickly, trying to clear my suddenly clouded mind.

"Dammit." I muttered. "I'll give you eighteen months."

"Would this have gone better if I d had time to get a ring."

"Oops."

"No deal," he said, grinning. "I like this condition."

"No! No rings!" I very nearly snouted.

He smiled, his teeth flashing in the dark. "Sure," he said, calling my bluff. "I'll get my car."

"If that's what you really want." He shrugged, and his smile became absolutely angelic.

"Now you've done it," he whispered.

"Hold on," Charlie said, flipping the light on. I blinked in the sudden brightness, and carefully kept my eyes away from the closet. "Let's talk for a minute first."

"No," I whispered eagerly. "Stay. Please."

"Yeah. I've just been waiting ior you to wake up so I could take a shower." I started to get up.

"I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry's funeral, and you're gone. Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were in trouble. You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when -- or if -- you were coming back. Do you have any idea how… how…" He couldn't finish the sentence. He sucked in a sharp breath and moved on. "Can you give me one reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"

Edward smiled and disappeared.

"Morning, Dad."

I seethed in the darkness as I waited for Charlie to check on me. Edward knew exactly what he was doing, and I was willing to bet that all the injured surprise was part of the ploy. Of course, I still had the Carlisle option, but now that I knew there was a chance that Edward would change me himself, I wanted it bad. He was such a cheater.

My door cracked open.

"Yeah, I know."

I couldn't control my grimace. I'd forgotten to ask Alice for a good excuse. "You know you're in trouble."

"Oh, hey, Bella." He sounded embarrassed at getting caught. "I didn't know you were awake."

His face turned bright red. He took a few deep breaths before he answered. "Would you like to explain where you've been?"

My eyes narrowed. So it was going to be threats, was it? Two could play at that game. I sat up, pulling the quilt around me. "Because I won't go."

"Now just one minute, young lady --"

Oh, crap. "There was… an emergency."

"See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff…" I was scrambling frantically to make this work, to keep it as close to the truth as possible so that my inability to lie convincingly would not undermine the excuse, but before I could go on, Charlie's expression reminded me that he didn't know arything about the cliff.

"Look, Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want. I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too -- but that won't make me to go to Florida."

I filled my cheeks with air and then blew it out noisily. "I don't know what to tell you, Dad. It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out of hand."

He raised his eyebrows in expectation of my brilliant explanation.

He waited with a distrustful expression.

Charlie's face was frozen. "Were you trying to kill yourself, Bella?"

Major oops. As if I wasn't already toast.

Charlie's face heated up -- from frozen to hot with fury. "What's it to Edward Cullen anyway?" he barked. "All this time, he's just left you dangling without a word --"

I interrupted him. "Another misunderstanding."

"No, of course not. Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing."

"I'm not sure what the exact plan is. I think they all are."

"I guess I didn't tell you about that," I choked out. "It was nothing. Just messing around, swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset. She sort of accidentally made it sound like I wa? trying to kill myself or something. He wouldn't answer his phone, so Alice dragged me to… L. A., to explain in person." I shrugged, desperately hoping that he would not be so distracted by my slip that he'd miss the brilliant explanation I'd provided.

His face flushed again. "So is he back then?"

"Fine," I said curtly.

Charlie rocked back onto his heels. "Oh." He scrambled for a second, exhaling loudly in surprise. "I thought you were going to be difficult."

He shook his head, the vein in his forehead pulsing. "I want you to stay away from him, Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again."

"I am." I stared straight into his eyes. "I meant, 'Fine, I'll move out.'"

"Dad, I don't want to move out," I said in a softer tone. "I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?"

His eyes bulged; his face turned puce. My resolve wavered as I started to worry about his health. He was no younger than Harry…

"Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am." I said it with confidence. The conviction of my epiphany was still strong.

"That's not fair, Bella. You know I want you to stay."

"Not under my roof," Charlie stormed.

I sighed a heavy sigh. "Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight -- or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal."

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," he murmured. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please."

"Bella --"

"Think it over," I insisted. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I really need a shower."

Charlie's face was a strange shade of purple, but he left, slamming the door behind him. I heard him stomp furiously down the stairs.

"Sorry about that," I whispered.

I threw off my quilt, and Edward was already there, sitting in the rocking chair as if he d been present through the whole conversation.

"Don't worry about it," I breathed as I gathered up my bathroom things and a set of clean clothes. "I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that. Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" I widened my eyes with false alarm.

"If Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"

His jaw tightened. "So eager for eternal damnation," he muttered.

"You know you don't really believe that."

"If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't -- you said 'Amazing. Carlisle was right,'" I reminded him, triumphant. "There's hope in you, after all."

"Oh, don't I?" he fumed.

"That's all I'm asking for," I said, and stretched up on my toes so that I could press my lips to his.

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides…" I grinned.

"So let's both just be hopeful, all right?" I suggested. "Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven."

For once, Edward was speechless.

"You'd move in with a house full of vampires?"

"No. You don't."

He glowered at me and started to speak, but I cut him off.

He got up slowly, and came to put his hands on either side of my face as he stared into my eyes. "Forever," he vowed, still a little staggered.