It was too bright for me to drive into town when I got to Port Angeles; the sun was stilltoo high overhead, and, though my windows were tinted dark, there was no reason to takeunnecessary risks. More unnecessary risks, I should say.
I was certain I would be able to find Jessica’s thoughts from a distance—Jessica’sthoughts were louder than Angela’s, but once I found the first, I’d be able to hear thesecond. Then, when the shadows lengthened, I could get closer. For now, I pulled offthe road onto an overgrown driveway just outside the town that appeared to beinfrequently used.
I knew the general direction to search in—there was really only one place fordress shopping in Port Angeles. It wasn’t long before I found Jessica, spinning in front ofa three way mirror, and I could see Bella in her peripheral vision, appraising the longblack dress she wore.
Bella still looks pissed. Ha ha. Angela was right—Tyler was full of it. I can’tbelieve she’s so upset about it, though. At least she knows she has a back up date for theprom. What if Mike doesn’t have fun at the dance, and he doesn’t ask me out again
What if he asks Bella to the prom? Would she have asked Mike to the dance if I hadn’tsaid anything? Does he think she’s prettier than me? Does she think she’s prettier thanme
I think I like the blue one better. It really brings out your eyes.
Jessica smiled at Bella with false warmth, while eyeing her suspiciously.
Does she really think that? Or does she want me to look like a cow on Saturday
I was already tired of listening to Jessica. I searched close by for Angela—ah, butAngela was in the process of changing dresses, and I skipped quickly out of her head togive her some privacy.
Well, there wasn’t much trouble Bella could get into in a department store. I’d letthem shop and then catch up with them when they were done. It wouldn’t be long until itwas dark—the clouds were beginning to return, drifting in from the west. I could onlycatch glimpses of them through the thick trees, but I could see how they would hurry the sunset. I welcomed them, craved them more than I had ever yearned for their shadowsbefore. Tomorrow I could sit beside Bella in school again, monopolize her attention atlunch again. I could ask her all the questions I’d been saving up…So, she was furious about Tyler’s presumption. I’d seen that in his head—thathe’d meant it literally when he’d spoken of the prom, that he was staking a claim. Ipictured her expression from that other afternoon—the outraged disbelief—and Ilaughed. I wondered what she would say to him about this. I wouldn’t want to miss herreaction.
The time went slowly while I waited for the shadows to lengthen. I checked inperiodically with Jessica; her mental voice was the easiest to find, but I didn’t like tolinger there long. I saw the place they were planning to eat. It would be dark by dinnertime…maybe I would coincidentally choose the same restaurant. I touched the phone inmy pocket, thinking of inviting Alice out to eat… She would love that, but she wouldalso want to talk to Bella. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to have Bella more involved withmy world. Wasn’t one vampire trouble enough
I checked in routinely with Jessica again. She was thinking about her jewelry,asking Angela’s opinion.
Maybe I should take the necklace back. I’ve got one at home that wouldprobably work, and I spent more than I was supposed to…” My mom is going to freakout. What was I thinking
I don’t mind going back to the store. Do you think Bella will be looking for us,though
What was this? Bella wasn’t with them? I stared through Jessica’s eyes first,then switched to Angela’s. They were on the sidewalk in front of a line of shops, justturning back the other way. Bella was no where in sight.
Oh, who cares about Bella? Jess thought impatiently, before answering Angela’squestion. “She’s fine. We’ll get to the restaurant in plenty of time, even if we go back.
Anyway, I think she wanted to be alone.” I got a brief glimpse of the bookshop Jessicathought Bella had gone to.
Let’s hurry, then,” Angela said. I hope Bella doesn’t think we ditched her. Shewas so nice to me in the car before… She’s really a sweet person. But she’s seemed kind of blue all day. I wonder if it’s because of Edward Cullen? I’ll bet that was why she wasasking about his family…I should have been paying better attention. What all had I missed here? Bellawas off wandering by herself, and she’d been asking about me before? Angela waspaying attention to Jessica now—Jessica was babbling about that idiot Mike—and I couldget nothing more from her.
I judged the shadows. The sun would be behind the clouds soon enough. If Istayed on the west side of the road, where the buildings would shade the street from thefading light…I started to feel anxious as I drove through the sparse traffic into the center of thetown. This wasn’t something I had considered—Bella taking off on her own—and I hadno idea how to find her. I should have considered it.
I knew Port Angeles well; I drove straight to the bookstore in Jessica’s head,hoping my search would be short, but doubting it would be so easy. When did Bella evermake it easy
Sure enough, the little shop was empty except for the anachronistically dressedwoman behind the counter. This didn’t look like the kind of place Bella would beinterested in—too new age for a practical person. I wondered if she’d even bothered togo in
There was a patch of shade I could park in… It made a dark pathway right up tothe overhang of the shop. I really shouldn’t. Wandering around in the sunlight hours wasnot safe. What if a passing car threw the sun’s reflection into the shade at just the wrongmoment
But I didn’t know how else to look for Bella
I parked and got out, keeping to the deepest side of the shadow. I strode quicklyinto the store, noting the faint trace of Bella’s scent in the air. She had been here, on thesidewalk, but there was no hint of her fragrance inside the shop.
Welcome! Can I help—” the saleswoman began to say, but I was already out thedoor.
I followed Bella’s scent as far as the shade would allow, stopping when I got tothe edge of the sunlight.
How powerless it made me feel—fenced in by the line between dark and light thatstretched across the sidewalk in front of me. So limited.
I could only guess that she’d continued across the street, heading south. Therewasn’t really much in that direction. Was she lost? Well, that possibility didn’t soundentirely out of character.
I got back in the car and drove slowly through the streets, looking for her. Istepped out into a few other patches of shadow, but I only caught her scent once more,and the direction of it confused me. Where was she trying to go
I drove back and forth between the bookstore and the restaurant a few times,hoping to see her on her way. Jessica and Angela were already there, trying to decidewhether to order, or to wait for Bella. Jessica was pushing for ordering immediately.
I began flitting through the minds of strangers, looking through their eyes.
Surely, someone must have seen her somewhere.
I got more and more anxious the longer she remained missing. I hadn’tconsidered before how difficult she might prove to find once, like now, she was out ofmy sight and off her normal paths. I didn’t like it.
The clouds were massing on the horizon, and, in a few more minutes, I would befree to track her on foot. It wouldn’t take me long then. It was only the sun that mademe so helpless now. Just few more minutes, and then the advantage would be mine againand it would be the human world that was powerless.
Another mind, and another. So many trivial thoughts.
think the baby has another ear infection…Was it six-four-oh or six-oh-four
Late again. I ought to tell him…Here she comes! Aha
There, at last, was her face. Finally, someone had noticed her
The relief lasted for only a fraction of a second, and then I read more fully thethoughts of the man who was gloating over her face in the shadows.
His mind was a stranger to me, and yet, not totally unfamiliar. I had once huntedexactly such minds.
NO!” I roared, and a volley of snarls erupted from my throat. My foot shovedthe gas pedal to the floor, but where was I going
I knew the general location of his thoughts, but the knowledge was not specificenough. Something, there had to be something—a street sign, a store front, something inhis sight that would give away his location. But Bella was deep in shadow, and his eyeswere focused only on her frightened expression—enjoying the fear there.
Her face was blurred in his mind by the memory of other faces. Bella was not hisfirst victim.
The sound of my growls shook the frame of the car, but did not distract me.
There were no windows in the wall behind her. Somewhere industrial, away fromthe more populated shopping district. My car squealed around a corner, swerving pastanother vehicle, heading in what I hoped was the right direction. By the time the otherdriver honked, the sound was far behind me.
Look at her shaking! The man chuckled in anticipation. The fear was the drawfor him—the part he enjoyed.
Stay away from me.” Her voice was low and steady, not a scream.
Don’t be like that, sugar.
He watched her flinch to a rowdy laugh that came from another direction. He wasirritated with the noise—Shut up, Jeff! he thought—but he enjoyed the way she cringed.
It excited him. He began to imagine her pleas, the way she would beg…I hadn’t realized that there were others with him until I’d heard the loud laughter.
I scanned out from him, desperate for something that I could use. He was taking the firststep in her direction, flexing his hands.
The minds around him were not the cesspool that his was. They were all slightlyintoxicated, not one of them realizing how far the man they called Lonnie planned to gowith this. They were following Lonnie’s lead blindly. He’d promised them a little fun…One of them glanced down the street, nervous—he didn’t want to get caughtharassing the girl—and gave me what I needed. I recognized the cross street he staredtoward.
I flew under a red light, sliding through a space just wide enough between twocars in the moving traffic. Horns blared behind me.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. I ignored it.
Lonnie moved slowly toward the girl, drawing out the suspense—the moment ofterror that aroused him. He waited for her scream, preparing to savor it.
But Bella locked her jaw and braced herself. He was surprised—he’d expectedher to try to run. Surprised and slightly disappointed. He liked to chase his prey down,the adrenaline of the hunt.
Brave, this one. Maybe better, I guess…more fight in her.
I was a block away. The monster could hear the roar of my engine now, but hepaid it no attention, too intent on his victim.
I would see how he enjoyed the hunt when he was the prey. I would see what hethought of my style of hunting.
In another compartment of my head, I was already sorting through the range oftortures I’d born witness to in my vigilante days, searching for the most painful of them.
He would suffer for this. He would writhe in agony. The others would merely die fortheir part, but the monster named Lonnie would beg for death long before I would givehim that gift.
He was in the road, crossing toward her.
I spun sharply around the corner, my headlights washing across the scene andfreezing the rest of them in place. I could have run down the leader, who leapt out of theway, but that was too easy a death for him.
I let the car spin out, swinging all the way around so that I was facing back theway I’d come and the passenger door was closest to Bella. I threw that open, and she wasalready running toward the car.
Get in,” I snarled.
What the hell
Knew this was a bad idea! She’s not alone.
Should I run
Think I’m going to throw up…Bella jumped through the open door without hesitating, pulling the door shutbehind her.
And then she looked up at me with the most trustful expression I had ever seen ona human face, and all my violent plans crumbled.
It took much, much less than a second for me to see that I could not leave her inthe car in order to deal with the four men in the street. What would I tell her, not towatch? Ha! When did she ever do what I asked? When did she ever do the safe thing
Would I drag them away, out of her sight, and leave her alone here? It was a longshot that another dangerous human would be prowling the streets of Port Angeles tonight,but it was a long shot that there was even the first! Like a magnet, she drew all thingsdangerous toward herself. I could not let her out of my sight.
It would feel like part of the same motion to her as I accelerated, taking her awayfrom her pursuers so quickly that they gaped after my car with uncomprehendingexpressions. She would not recognize my instant of hesitation. She would assume theplan was escape from the beginning.
I couldn’t even hit him with my car. That would frighten her.
I wanted his death so savagely that the need for it rang in my ears and clouded mysight and was a flavor on my tongue. My muscles were coiled with the urgency, thecraving, the necessity of it. I had to kill him. I would peel him slowly apart, piece bypiece, skin from muscle, muscle from bone…Except that the girl—the only girl in the world—was clinging to her seat withboth hands, staring at me, her eyes still wide and utterly trusting. Vengeance would haveto wait.
Put on your seatbelt,” I ordered. My voice was rough with the hate andbloodlust. Not the usual bloodlust. I would not sully myself by taking any part of thatman inside me.
She locked the seatbelt into place, jumping slightly at the sound it made. Thatlittle sound made her jump, yet she did not flinch as I tore through the town, ignoring alltraffic guides. I could feel her eyes on me. She seemed oddly relaxed. It didn’t makesense to me—not with what she’d just been through.
Are you okay?” she asked, her voice rough with stress and fear.
She wanted to know if I was okay
I thought about her question for a fraction of a second. Not long enough for her tonotice the hesitation. Was I okay
No,” I realized, and my tone seethed with rage.
I took her to the same unused drive where I’d spent the afternoon engaged in thepoorest surveillance ever kept. It was black now under the trees.
I was so furious that my body froze in place there, utterly motionless. My ice-locked hands ached to crush her attacker, to grind him into pieces so mangled that hisbody could never be identified….
But that would entail leaving her here alone, unprotected in the dark night.
Bella?” I asked through my teeth.
Yes?” she responded huskily. She cleared her throat.
Are you all right?” That was really the most important thing, the first priority.
Retribution was secondary. I knew that, but my body was so filled with rage that it washard to think.
Yes.” Her voice was still thick—with fear, no doubt.
And so I could not leave her.
Even if she wasn’t at constant risk for some infuriating reason—some joke theuniverse was playing on me—even if I could be sure that she would be perfectly safe inmy absence, I could not leave her alone in the dark.
She must be so frightened.
Yet I was in no condition to comfort her—even if I knew exactly how that was tobe accomplished, which I did not. Surely she could feel the brutality radiating out of me,surely that much was obvious. I would frighten her even more if I could not calm the lustfor slaughter boiling inside me.
I needed to think about something else.
Distract me, please,” I pleaded.
I’m sorry, what
I barely had enough control to try to explain what I needed.
Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down,” I instructed, myjaw still locked. Only the fact that she needed me held me inside the car. I could hear the man’s thoughts, his disappointment and anger… I knew where to find him… I closedmy eyes, wishing that I couldn’t see anyway…“Um…” She hesitated—trying to make sense of my request, I imagined. “I’mgoing to run over Tyler Crowley tomorrow before school?” She said this like it was aquestion.
Yes—this was what I needed. Of course Bella would come up with somethingunexpected. Like it had been before, the threat of violence coming through her lips washilarious—so comical it was jarring. If I had not been burning with the urge to kill, Iwould have laughed.
Why?” I barked out, to force her to speak again.
He’s telling everyone that he’s taking me to prom,” she said, her voice filledwith her tiger-kitten outrage. “Either he’s insane or he’s still trying to make up foralmost killing me last…well you remember it,” she inserted dryly, “and he thinks prom issomehow the correct way to do this. So I figure if I endanger his life, then we’re even,and he can’t keep trying to make amends. I don’t need enemies and maybe Lauren wouldback off if he left me alone. I might have to total his Sentra, though,” she went on,thoughtful now. “If he doesn’t have a ride he can’t take anyone to prom
It was encouraging to see that she sometimes got things wrong. Tyler’spersistence had nothing to do with the accident. She didn’t seem to understand the appealshe held for the human boys at the high school. Did she not see the appeal she had forme, either
Ah, it was working. The baffling processes of her mind were always engrossing.
I was beginning to gain control of myself, to see something beyond vengeance andtorture…“I heard about that,” I told her. She had stopped talking, and I needed her tocontinue.
You did?” she asked incredulously. And then her voice was angrier than before.
If he’s paralyzed from the neck down, he can’t go to the prom either.
I wished there was someway I could ask her to continue with the threats of deathand bodily harm with out sounding insane. She couldn’t have picked a better way to. calm me. And her words—just sarcasm in her case, hyperbole—were a reminder I dearlyneeded in this moment.
I sighed, and opened my eyes.
Better?” she asked timidly.
Not really.
No, I was calmer, but not better. Because I’d just realized that I could not kill themonster named Lonnie, and I still wanted that more than almost anything else in theworld. Almost.
The only thing in this moment that I wanted more than to commit a highlyjustifiable murder, was this girl. And, though I couldn’t have her, just the dream ofhaving her made it impossible for me to go on a killing spree tonight—no matter howdefensible such a thing might be.
Bella deserved better than a killer.
I’d spent seven decades trying to be something other than that—anything otherthan a killer. Those years of effort could never make me worthy of the girl sitting besideme. And yet, I felt that if I returned to that life—the life of a killer—for even one night, Iwould surely put her out of my reach forever. Even if I didn’t drink their blood—even ifI didn’t have that evidence blazing red in my eyes—wouldn’t she sense the difference
I was trying to be good enough for her. It was an impossible goal. I would keeptrying.
What’s wrong?” she whispered.
Her breath filled my nose, and I was reminded why I could not deserve her. Afterall of this, even with as much as I loved her…she still made my mouth water.
I would give her as much honesty as I could. I owed her that.
Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Bella.” I stared out into the blacknight, wishing both that she would hear the horror inherent in my words and also that shewould not. Mostly that she would not. Run, Bella, run. Stay, Bella, stay. “But itwouldn’t be helpful for me to turn around and hunt down those…” Just thinking about italmost pulled me from the car. I took a deep breath, letting her scent scorch down mythroat. “At least, that’s what I’m trying to convince myself.
Oh.
She said nothing else. How much had she heard in my words? I glanced at herfurtively, but her face was unreadable. Blank with shock, perhaps. Well, she wasn’tscreaming. Not yet.
It was quiet for a moment. I warred with myself, trying to be what I should be.
What I couldn’t be.
Jessica and Angela will be worried,” she said quietly. Her voice was very calm,and I was not sure how that could be. Was she in shock? Maybe tonight’s events hadn’tsunk in for her yet. “I was supposed to meet them.
Did she want to be away from me? Or was she just worried about her friends
worry
I didn’t answer her, but I started the car and took her back. Every inch closer Igot to the town, the harder it was to hold on to my purpose. I was just so close to him…If it was impossible—if I could never have nor deserve this girl—then where wasthe sense in letting the man go unpunished? Surely I could allow myself that much…No. I wasn’t giving up. Not yet. I wanted her too much to surrender.
We were at the restaurant where she was supposed to meet her friends before I’deven begun to make sense of my thoughts. Jessica and Angela were finished eating, andboth now truly worried about Bella. They were on their way to search for her, headingoff along the dark street.
It was not a good night for them to be wandering—“How did you know where…?” Bella’s unfinished question interrupted me, and Irealized that I had made yet another gaffe. I’d been too distracted to remember to ask herwhere she was supposed to meet her friends.
But, instead of finishing the inquiry and pressing the point, Bella just shook herhead and half-smiled.
What did that mean
Well, I didn’t have time to puzzle over her strange acceptance of my strangerknowledge. I opened my door.
What are you doing?” she asked, sounding startled.
Not letting you out of my sight. Not allowing myself to be alone tonight. In thatorder. “I’m taking you to dinner.
Well this should be interesting. It seemed like another night entirely when I’dimagined bringing Alice along and pretending to choose the same restaurant as Bella andher friends by accident. And now, here I was, practically on a date with the girl. Only itdidn’t count, because I wasn’t giving her a chance to say no.
She already had her door half open before I’d walked around the car—it wasn’tusually so frustrating to have to move at an inconspicuous speed—instead of waiting forme to get it for her. Was this because she wasn’t used to being treated like a lady, orbecause she didn’t think of me as a gentleman
I waited for her to join me, getting more anxious as her girlfriends continued intoward the dark corner.
Go stop Jessica and Angela before I have to track them down, too,” I orderedquickly. “I don’t think I could restrain myself if I ran into your other friends again.” No,I would not be strong enough for that.
She shuddered, and then quickly collected herself. She took half a step afterthem, calling, “Jess! Angela!” in a loud voice. They turned, and she waved her arm overher head to catch their attention.
Bella! Oh, she’s safe! Angela thought with relief.
Late much? Jessica grumbled to herself, but she, too, was thankful that Bellawasn’t lost or hurt. This made me like her a little more than I had.
They hurried back, and then stopped, shocked, when they saw me beside her.
Uh-uh! Jess thought, stunned. No freaking way
Edward Cullen? Did she go away by herself to find him? But why would she askabout them being out of town if she knew he was here… I got a brief flash of Bella’smortified expression when she’d asked Angela if my family was often absent fromschool. No, she couldn’t have known, Angela decided.
Jessica’s thoughts were moving past the surprise and on to suspicion. Bella’sbeen holding out on me.
Where have you been?” she demanded, staring at Bella, but peeking at me fromthe corner of her eye.
I got lost. And then I ran into Edward,” Bella said, waving one hand toward me.
Her tone was remarkably normal. Like that was truly all that had happened.
She must be in shock. That was the only explanation for her calm.
Would it be all right if I joined you?” I asked—to be polite; I knew that they’dalready eaten.
Holy crap but he’s hot! Jessica thought, her head suddenly slightly incoherent.
Angela wasn’t much more composed. Wish we hadn’t eaten. Wow. Just. Wow.
Now why couldn’t I do that to Bella
Er…sure,” Jessica agreed.
Angela frowned. “Um, actually, Bella, we already ate while we were waiting
she admitted. “Sorry.
What? Shut up! Jess complained internally.
Bella shrugged casually. So at ease. Definitely in shock. “That’s fine—I’m nothungry.
I think you should eat something,” I disagreed. She needed sugar in herbloodstream—though it smelled sweet enough as it was, I thought wryly. The horror wasgoing to come crashing down on her momentarily, and an empty stomach wouldn’t help.
She was an easy fainter, as I knew from experience.
These girls wouldn’t be in any danger if they went straight home. Danger didn’tstalk their every step.
And I’d rather be alone with Bella—as long as she was willing to be alone withme.
Do you mind if I drive Bella home tonight?” I said to Jessica before Bella couldrespond. “That way you won’t have to wait while she eats.
Uh, no problem, I guess…” Jessica stared intently at Bella, looking for somesign that this was what she wanted.
I want to stay…but she probably wants him to herself. Who wouldn’t? Jessthought. At the same time, she watched Bella wink.
Bella winked
Okay,” Angela said quickly, in a hurry to be out of the way if that was whatBella wanted. And it seemed that she did want that. “See you tomorrow,Bella…Edward.” She struggled to say my name in a casual tone. Then she grabbedJessica’s hand and began towing her away.
I would have to find some way to thank Angela for this.
Jessica’s car was close by and in a bright circle of light cast by a streetlamp.
Bella watched them carefully, a little crease of concern between her eyes, until they werein the car, so she must be fully aware of the danger she’d been in. Jessica waved as shedrove away, and Bella waved back. It wasn’t until the car disappeared that she took adeep breath and turned to look up at me.
Honestly, I’m not hungry,” she said.
Why had she waited for them to be gone before speaking? Did she truly want tobe alone with me—even now, after witnessing my homicidal rage
Whether that was the case or not, she was going to eat something.
Humor me,” I said.
I held the restaurant door open for her and waited.
She sighed, and walked through.
I walked beside her to the podium where the hostess waited. Bella still seemedentirely self-possessed. I wanted to touch her hand, her forehead, to check hertemperature. But my cold hand would repulse her, as it had before.
Oh, my, the hostess’s rather loud mental voice intruded into my consciousness.
My, oh my.
It seemed to be my night to turn heads. Or was I only noticing it more because Iwished so much that Bella would see me this way? We were always attractive to ourprey. I’d never thought so much about it before. Usually—unless, as with people likeShelly Cope and Jessica Stanley, there was constant repetition to dull the horror—the fearkicked in fairly quickly after the initial attraction…“A table for two?” I prompted when the hostess didn’t speak.
Oh, er, yes. Welcome to La Bella Italia.” Mmm! What a voice! “Please followme.” Her thoughts were preoccupied—calculating.
Maybe she’s his cousin. She couldn’t be his sister, they don’t look anything alike.
But family, definitely. He can’t be with her.
Human eyes were clouded; they saw nothing clearly. How could this small-minded woman find my physical lures—snares for prey—so attractive, and yet be unableto see the soft perfection of the girl beside me
Well, no need to help her out, just in case, the hostess thought as she led us to afamily-sized table in the middle of the most crowded part of the restaurant. Can I givehim my number while she’s there…? she mused.
I pulled a bill from my back pocket. People were invariably cooperative whenmoney was involved.
Bella was already taking the seat the hostess indicated without objection. I shookmy head at her, and she hesitated, cocking her head to one side with curiosity. Yes, shewould be very curious tonight. A crowd was not the ideal place for this conversation.
Perhaps something more private?” I requested of the hostess, handing her themoney. Her eyes widened in surprise, and then narrowed while her hand curled aroundthe tip.
Sure.
She peeked at the bill while she led us around a dividing wall.
Fifty dollars for a better table? Rich, too. That makes sense—I bet his jacket costmore than my last paycheck. Damn. Why does he want privacy with her
She offered us a booth in a quiet corner of the restaurant where no one would beable to see us—to see Bella’s reactions to whatever I would tell her. I had no clue as towhat she would want from me tonight. Or what I would give her.
How much had she guessed? What explanation of tonight’s events had she toldherself
How’s this?” the hostess asked.
Perfect,” I told her and, feeling slightly annoyed by her resentful attitude towardBella, I smiled widely at her, baring my teeth. Let her see me clearly.
Whoa. “Um…your server will be right out.” He can’t be real. I must be asleep.
Maybe she’ll disappear…maybe I’ll write my number on his plate with ketchup… Shewandered away, listing slightly to the side.
Odd. She still wasn’t frightened. I suddenly remembered Emmett teasing me inthe cafeteria, so many weeks ago. I’ll bet I could have scared her better than that.
Was I losing my edge
You really shouldn’t do that to people,” Bella interrupted my thoughts in adisapproving tone. “It’s hardly fair.
I stared at her critical expression. What did she mean? I hadn’t frightened thehostess at all, despite my intentions. “Do what
Dazzle them like that—she’s probably hyperventilating in the kitchen rightnow.
Hmm. Bella was very nearly right. The hostess was only semi-coherent at themoment, describing her incorrect assessment of me to her friend on the wait staff.
Oh, come on,” Bella chided me when I didn’t answer immediately. “You haveto know the effect you have on people.
I dazzle people?” That was an interesting way of phrasing it. Accurate enoughfor tonight. I wondered why the difference…“You haven’t noticed?” she asked, still critical. “Do you think everybody getstheir way so easily
Do I dazzle you?” I voiced my curiosity impulsively, and then the words wereout, and it was too late to recall them.
But before I had time to too deeply regret speaking the words aloud she answered,“Frequently.” And her cheeks took on a faint pink glow.
I dazzled her.
My silent heart swelled with a hope more intense than I could ever rememberhaving felt before.
Hello,” someone said, the waitress, introducing herself. Her thoughts were loud,and more explicit than the hostess’s, but I tuned her out. I stared at Bella’s face insteadof listening, watching the blood spreading under her skin, noticing not how that made mythroat flame, but rather how it brightened her fair face, how it set off the cream of herskin…The waitress was waiting for something from me. Ah, she’d asked for our drinkorder. I continued to stare at Bella, and the waitress grudgingly turned to look at her, too.
I’ll have a coke?” Bella said, as if asking for approval.
Two cokes,” I amended. Thirst—normal, human thirst—was a sign of shock. Iwould make sure she had the extra sugar from the soda in her system.
She looked healthy, though. More than healthy. She looked radiant.
What?” she demanded—wondering why I was staring, I guessed. I was vaguelyaware that the waitress had left.
How are you feeling?” I asked.
She blinked, surprised by the question. “I’m fine.
You don’t feel dizzy, sick, cold
She was even more confused now. “Should I
Well, I actually I’m waiting for you to go into shock.” I half-smiled, expectingher denial. She would not want to be taken care of.
It took her a minute to answer me. Her eyes were slightly unfocused. She lookedthat way sometimes, when I smiled at her. Was she…dazzled
I would love to believe that.
I don’t think that will happen. I’ve always been very good at repressingunpleasant things,” she answered, a little breathless.
Did she have a lot of practice with unpleasant things, then? Was her life alwaysthis hazardous
Just the same,” I told her. “I’ll feel better when you have some sugar and food inyou.
The waitress returned with the cokes and a basket of bread. She put them in frontof me, and asked for my order, trying to catch my eye in the process. I indicated that sheshould attend to Bella, and then went back to tuning her out. She had a vulgar mind.
Um…” Bella glanced quickly at the menu. “I’ll have the mushroom ravioli.
The waitress turned back to me eagerly. “And you
Nothing for me.
Bella made a slight face. Hmm. She must have noticed that I never ate food. Shenoticed everything. And I always forgot to be careful around her.
I waited till we were alone again.
Drink,” I insisted.
I was surprised when she complied immediately and without objection. Shedrank until the glass was entirely empty, so I pushed the second coke toward her,frowning a little. Thirst, or shock
She drank a little more, and then shuddered once.
Are you cold
It’s just the coke,” she said, but she shivered again, her lips trembling slightly asif her teeth were about to chatter.
The pretty blouse she wore looked too thin to protect her adequately; it clung toher like a second skin, almost as fragile as the first. She was so frail, so mortal. “Don’tyou have a jacket
Yes.” She looked around herself, a little perplexed. “Oh—I left it in Jessica’scar.
I pulled off my jacket, wishing that the gesture was not marred by my bodytemperature. It would have been nice to have been able to offer her a warm coat. Shestared at me, her cheeks warming again. What was she thinking now
I handed her the jacket across the table, and she put it on at once, and thenshuddered again.
Yes, it would be very nice to be warm.
Thanks,” she said. She took a deep breath, and then pushed the too-long sleevesback to free her hands. She took another deep breath.
Was the evening finally settling in? Her color was still good; her skin was creamand roses against the deep blue of her shirt.
That color blue looks lovely with your skin,” I complimented her. Just beinghonest.
She flushed, enhancing the effect.
She looked well, but there was no point in taking chances. I pushed the basket ofbread toward her.
Really,” she objected, guessing my motives. “I’m not going into shock.
You should be—a normal person would be. You don’t even look shaken.” Istared at her, disapproving, wondering why she couldn’t be normal and then wondering ifreally wanted her to be that way.
I feel very safe with you,” she said, her eyes, again, filled with trust. Trust Ididn’t deserve.
Her instincts were all wrong—backwards. That must be the problem. She didn’trecognize danger the way a human being should be able to. She had the oppositereaction. Instead of running, she lingered, drawn to what should frighten her…How could I protect her from myself when neither of us wanted that
This is more complicated than I’d planned,” I murmured.
I could see her turning my words over in her head, and I wondered what she madeof them. She took a breadstick and began to eat without seeming aware of the action.
She chewed for a moment, and then leaned her head to one side thoughtfully.
Usually you’re in a better mood when your eyes are so light,” she said in acasual tone.
Her observation, stated so matter of factly, left me reeling. “What
You’re always crabbier when your eyes are black—I expect it then. I have atheory about that,” she added lightly.
So she had come up with her own explanation. Of course she had. I felt a deepsense of dread as I wondered how close she’d come to the truth.
More theories
Mm-hm.” She chewed on another bite, entirely nonchalant. As if she weren’tdiscussing the aspects of a monster with the monster himself.
I hope you were more creative this time…” I lied when she didn’t continue.
What I really hoped was that she was wrong—miles wide of the mark. “Or are you stillstealing from comic books
Well, no, I didn’t get it from a comic book,” she said, a little embarrassed. “ButI didn’t come up with it on my own, either.
And?” I asked between my teeth.
Surely should would not speak so calmly if she were about to scream.
As she hesitated, biting her lip, the waitress reappeared with Bella’s food. I paidthe server little attention as she set the plate in front of Bella and then asked if I wantedanything.
I declined, but asked for more coke. The waitress hadn’t noticed the emptyglasses. She took them and left.
You were saying?” I prompted anxiously as soon as we were alone again.
I’ll tell you about it in the car,” she said in a low voice. Ah, this would be bad.
She wasn’t willing to speak her guesses around others. “If…” she tacked on suddenly.
There are conditions?” I was so tense I almost growled the words.
I do have a few questions, of course.
Of course,” I agreed, my voice hard.
Her questions would probably be enough to tell me where her thoughts wereheading. But how would I answer them? With responsible lies? Or would I drive heraway with truth? Or would I say nothing, unable to decide
We sat in silence while the waitress replenished her supply of soda.
Well, go ahead,” I said, jaw locked, when she was gone.
Why are you in Port Angeles
That was too easy a question—for her. It gave away nothing, while my answer, iftruthful, would give away much too much. Let her reveal something first.
Next,” I said.
But that’s the easiest one
Next,” I said again.
She was frustrated by my refusal. She looked away from me, down to her food.
Slowly, thinking hard, she took a bite and chewed with deliberation. She washed it downwith more coke, and then finally looked up at me. Her eyes were narrow with suspicion.
Okay then,” she said. “Let’s say, hypothetically, of course,that…someone…could know what people are thinking, read minds, you know—with justa few exceptions.
It could be worse.
This explained that little half-smile in the car. She was quick—no one else hadever guessed this about me. Except for Carlisle, and it had been rather obvious then, inthe beginning, when I’d answered all his thoughts as if he’d spoken them to me. He’dunderstood before I had…This question wasn’t so bad. While it was clear that she knew that there wassomething wrong with me, was not as serious as it could have been. Mind-reading was,after all, not a facet of the vampire cannon. I went along with her hypothesis.
Just one exception,” I corrected. “Hypothetically.
She fought a smile—my vague honesty pleased her. “All right, with oneexception, then. How does that work? What are the limitations? How would…thatsomeone…find someone else at exactly the right time? How would he know that she wasin trouble
Hypothetically
Sure.” Her lips twitched, and her liquid brown eyes were eager.
Well,” I hesitated. “If…that someone
Let’s call him ‘Joe,’” she suggested.
I had to smile at her enthusiasm. Did she really think the truth would be a goodthing? If my secrets were pleasant, why would I keep them from her
Joe, then,” I agreed. “If Joe had been paying attention, the timing wouldn’t haveneeded to be quite so exact.” I shook my head and repressed a shudder at the thought ofhow close I had been to being too late today. “Only you could get into trouble in a townthis small. You would have devastated their crime rate statistics for a decade, youknow.
Her lips turned down at the corners, and pouted out. “We were speaking of ahypothetical case.
I laughed at her irritation.
Her lips, her skin… They looked so soft. I wanted to touch them. I wanted topress my fingertip against the corner of her frown and turn it up. Impossible. My skinwould be repellent to her.
Yes, we were,” I said, returning to the conversation before I could depressmyself too thoroughly. “Shall we call you ‘Jane
She leaned across the table toward me, all humor and irritation gone from herwide eyes.
How did you know?” she asked, her voice low and intense.
Should I tell her the truth? And, if so, what portion
I wanted to tell her. I wanted to deserve the trust I could still see on her face.
You can trust me, you know,” she whispered, and she reached one hand forwardas if to touch my hands where they rested on top of the empty table before me.
I pulled them back—hating the thought of her reaction to my frigid stone skin—and she dropped her hand.
I knew that I could trust her with protecting my secrets; she was entirelytrustworthy, good to the core. But I couldn’t trust her not to be horrified by them. Sheshould be horrified. The truth was horror.
I don’t know if I have a choice anymore,” I murmured. I remembered that I’donce teased her by calling her ‘exceptionally unobservant.’ Offended her, if I’d beenjudging her expressions correctly. Well, I could right that one injustice, at least. “I waswrong—you’re much more observant than I gave you credit for.” And, though she mightnot realize it, I’d given her plenty of credit already. She missed nothing.
I thought you were always right,” she said, smiling as she teased me.
I used to be.” I used to know what I was doing. I used to be always sure of mycourse. And now everything was chaos and tumult.
Yet I wouldn’t trade it. I didn’t want the life that made sense. Not if the chaosmeant that I could be with Bella.
I was wrong about you on one other thing as well,” I went on, setting the recordstraight on another point. “You’re not a magnet for accidents—that’s not a broad enoughclassification. You are a magnet for trouble. If there is anything dangerous within a ten-mile radius, it will invariably find you.” Why her? What had she done to deserve any ofthis
Bella’s face turned serious again. “And you put yourself into that category
Honesty was more important in regards to this question than any other.
Unequivocally.
Her eyes narrowed slightly—not suspicious now, but oddly concerned. Shereached her hand across the table again, slowly and deliberately. I pulled my hands aninch away from her, but she ignored that, determined to touch me. I held my breath—notbecause of her scent now, but because of the sudden, overwhelming tension. Fear. Myskin would disgust her. She would run away.
She brushed her fingertips lightly across the back of my hand. The heat of hergentle, willing touch was like nothing I’d ever felt before. It was almost pure pleasure.
Would have been, except for my fear. I watched her face as she felt the cold stone of myskin, still unable to breathe.
A half-smile turned up the corners of her lips.
Thank you,” she said, meeting my stare with an intense gaze of her own. “That’stwice now.
Her soft fingers lingered on my hand as if they found it pleasant to be there.
I answered her as casually as I was able. “Let’s not try for three, agreed
She grimaced at that, but nodded.
I pulled my hands out from under hers. As exquisite as her touch felt, I wasn’tgoing to wait for the magic of her tolerance to pass, to turn to revulsion. I hid my handsunder the table.
I read her eyes; though her mind was silent, I could perceive both trust andwonder there. I realized in that moment that I wanted to answer her questions. Notbecause I owed it to her. Not because I wanted her to trust me.
I wanted her to know me.
I followed you to Port Angeles,” I told her, the words spilling out too quickly forme to edit them. I knew the danger of the truth, the risk I was taking. At any moment,her unnatural calm could shatter into hysterics. Contrarily, knowing this only had metalking faster. “I’ve never tried to keep a specific person alive before and it’s much moretroublesome than I would have believed. But that’s probably just because it’s you.
Ordinary people seem to make it through the day without so many catastrophes.
I watched her, waiting.
She smiled. Her lips curved up at the edges, and her chocolate eyes warmed.
I’d just admitted to stalking her, and she was smiling.
Did you ever think that maybe my number was up that first time, with the van,and that you’ve been interfering with fate?” she asked.
That wasn’t the first time,” I said, staring down at the dark maroon table cloth,my shoulders bowed in shame. My barriers were down, the truth still spilling freerecklessly. “Your number was up the first time I met you.
It was true, and it angered me. I had been positioned over her life like the bladeof a guillotine. It was as if she had been marked for death by some cruel, unjust fate, and—since I’d proved an unwilling tool—that same fate continued to try to execute her.
I imagined the fate personified—a grisly, jealous hag, a vengeful harpy.
I wanted something, someone, to be responsible for this—so that I would havesomething concrete to fight against. Something, anything to destroy, so that Bella couldbe safe.
Bella was very quiet; her breathing had accelerated.
I looked up at her, knowing I would finally see the fear I was waiting for. Had Inot just admitted how close I’d been to killing her? Closer than the van that had comewithin slim inches of crushing her. And yet, her face was still calm, her eyes stilltightened only with concern.
You remember?” She had to remember that.
Yes,” she said, her voice level and grave. Her deep eyes were full of awareness.
She knew. She knew that I had wanted to murder her.
Where were the screams
And yet here you sit,” I said, pointing out the inherent contradiction.
Yes, here I sit…because of you.” Her expression altered, turned curious, as sheunsubtly changed the subject. “Because somehow you knew how to find me today
Hopelessly, I pushed one more time at the barrier that protected her thoughts,desperate to understand. It made no logical sense to me. How could she even care aboutthe rest with that glaring truth on the table
She waited, only curious. Her skin was pale, which was natural for her, but it stillconcerned me. Her dinner sat nearly untouched in front of her. If I continued to tell hertoo much, she was going to need a buffer when the shock wore off.
I named my terms. “You eat, I’ll talk.
She processed that for half a second, and then threw a bite in her mouth with aspeed that belied her calm. She was more anxious for my answer than her eyes let on.
It’s harder than it should be—keeping track of you,” I told her. “Usually I canfind someone very easily, once I’ve heard their mind before.
I watched her face carefully as I said this. Guessing right was one thing, having itconfirmed was another.
She was motionless, her eyes wide. I felt my teeth clench together as I waited forher panic.
But she just blinked once, swallowed loudly, and then quickly scooped anotherbite into her mouth. She wanted me to continue.
I was keeping tabs on Jessica,” I went on, watching each word as it sank in.
Not carefully—like I said, only you could find trouble in Port Angeles—” I couldn’tresist adding that. Did she realize that other human lives were not so plagued with neardeath experiences, or did she think she was normal? She was the furthest thing fromnormal I’d ever encountered. “And at first I didn’t notice when you took off on yourown. Then, when I realized that you weren’t with her anymore, I went looking for you atthe bookstore I saw in her head. I could tell that you hadn’t gone in, and that you’d gonesouth…and I knew you would have to turn around soon. So I was just waiting for you,randomly searching through the thoughts of people on the street—to see if anyone hadnoticed you so I would know where you were. I had no reason to be worried…but I wasstrangely anxious…” My breath came faster as I remembered that feeling of panic. Herscent blazed in my throat and I was glad. It was a pain that meant she was alive. As longas I burned, she was safe.
I started to drive in circles, still…listening.” I hoped the word made sense to her.
This had to be confusing. “The sun was finally setting, and I was about to get out, andfollow you on foot. And then
As the memory took me—perfectly clear and as vivid as if I was in the momentagain—I felt the same murderous fury wash through my body, locking it into ice.
I wanted him dead. I needed him dead. My jaw clenched tight as I concentratedon holding myself here at the table. Bella still needed me. That was what mattered.
Then what?” she whispered, her dark eyes wide.
I heard what they were thinking,” I said through my teeth, unable to keep thewords from coming out in a growl. “I saw your face in his mind.
I could hardly resist the urge to kill. I still knew precisely where to find him. Hisblack thoughts sucked at the night sky, pulling me toward them…I covered my face, knowing my expression was that of a monster, a hunter, akiller. I fixed her image behind my closed eyes to control myself, focusing only on her Stephenie Meyer face. The delicate framework of her bones, the thin sheath of her pale skin—like silkstretched over glass, incredibly soft and easy to shatter. She was too vulnerable for thisworld. She needed a protector. And, through some twisted mismanagement of destiny, Iwas the closest thing available.
I tried to explain my violent reaction so that she would understand.
It was very…hard—you can’t imagine how hard—for me to simply take youaway, and leave them…alive,” I whispered. “I could have let you go with Jessica andAngela, but I was afraid if you left me alone, I would go looking for them.
For the second time tonight, I confessed to an intended murder. At least this onewas defensible.
She was quiet as I struggled to control myself. I listened to her heartbeat. Therhythm was irregular, but it slowed as the time passed until it was steady again. Herbreathing, too, was low and even.
I was too close to the edge. I needed to get her home before…Would I kill him, then? Would I become a murderer again when she trusted me
Was there any way to stop myself
She’d promised to tell me her latest theory when we were alone. Did I want tohear it? I was anxious for it, but would the reward for my curiosity be worse than notknowing
At any rate, she must have had enough truth for one night.
I looked at her again, and her face was paler than before, but composed.
Are you ready to go home?” I asked.
I’m ready to leave,” she said, choosing her words carefully, as if a simple ‘yes
did not fully express what she wanted to say.
Frustrating.
The waitress returned. She’d heard Bella’s last statement as she’d dithered on theother side of the partition, wondering what more she could offer me. I wanted to roll myeyes at some of the offerings she’d had in mind.
How are we doing?” she asked me.
We’re ready for the check, thank you,” I told her, my eyes on Bella.
The waitress’s breathing spiked and she was momentarily—to use Bella’sphrasing—dazzled by my voice.
In a sudden moment of perception, hearing the way my voice sounded in thisinconsequential human’s head, I realized why I seemed to be attracting so muchadmiration tonight—unmarred by the usual fear.
It was because of Bella. Trying so hard to be safe for her, to be less frightening,to be human, I truly had lost my edge. The other humans saw only beauty now, with myinnate horror so carefully under control.
I looked up at the waitress, waiting for her to recover herself. It was sort ofhumorous, now that I understood the reason.
Sure,” she stuttered. “Here you go.
She handed me the folder with the bill, thinking of the card she’d slid in behindthe receipt. A card with her name and telephone number on it.
Yes, it was rather funny.
I had money ready again. I gave the folder back at once, so she wouldn’t wasteany time waiting for a call that would never come.
No change,” I told her, hoping the size of the tip would assuage herdisappointment.
I stood, and Bella quickly followed suit. I wanted to offer her my hand, but Ithought that might be pushing my luck a little too far for one night. I thanked thewaitress, my eyes never leaving Bella’s face. Bella seemed to be finding somethingamusing, too.
We walked out; I walked as close beside her as I dared. Close enough that thewarmth coming off her body was like a physical touch against the left side of my body.
As I held the door for her, she sighed quietly, and I wondered what regret made her sad. Istared into her eyes, about to ask, when she suddenly looked at the ground, seemingembarrassed. It made me more curious, even as it made me reluctant to ask. The silencebetween us continued while I opened her door for her and then got into the car.
I turned the heater on—the warmer weather had come to an abrupt end; the coldcar must be uncomfortable for her. She huddled in my jacket, a small smile on her lips.
I waited, postponing conversation until the lights of the boardwalk faded. It mademe feel more alone with her.
Was that the right thing? Now that I was focused only on her, the car seemedvery small. Her scent swirled through it with the current of the heater, building andstrengthening. It grew into its own force, like another entity in the car. A presence thatdemanded recognition.
It had that; I burned. The burning was acceptable, though. It seemed strangelyappropriate to me. I had been given so much tonight—more than I’d expected. And hereshe was, still willingly at my side. I owed something in return for that. A sacrifice. Aburnt offering.
Now if I could just keep it to that; just burn, and nothing more. But the venomfilled my mouth, and my muscles tensed in anticipation, as if I were hunting…I had to keep such thoughts from my mind. And I knew what would distract me.
Now,” I said to her, fear of her response taking the edge off the burn. “It’s yourturn.
Theory“Can I ask just one more?” she entreated instead of answering my demand.
I was on edge, anxious for the worst. And yet, how tempting it was to prolongthis moment. To have Bella with me, willingly, for just a few seconds longer. I sighed atthe dilemma, and then said, “One.
Well…,” she hesitated for a moment, as if deciding which question to voice.
You said you knew I hadn’t gone into the bookstore, and that I had gone south. I wasjust wondering how you know that.
I glared out the windshield. Here was another question that revealed nothing onher part, and too much on mine.
I thought we were past all the evasiveness,” she said, her tone critical anddisappointed.
How ironic. She was relentlessly evasive, without even trying.
Well, she wanted me to be direct. And this conversation wasn’t going anywheregood, regardless.
Fine, then,” I said. “I followed your scent.
I wanted to watch her face, but I was afraid of what I would see. Instead, Ilistened to her breath accelerate and then stabilize. She spoke again after a moment, andher voice was steadier than I would have expected.
And then you didn’t answer one of my first questions…” she said.
I looked down at her, frowning. She was stalling, too.
Which one
How does it work—the mind reading thing?” she asked, reiterating her questionfrom the restaurant. “Can you read anybody’s mind, anywhere? How do you do it? Canthe rest of your family…?” She trailed off, flushing again.
That’s more than one,” I said.
She just looked at me, waiting for her answers.
And why not tell her? She’d already guessed most of this, and it was an easiersubject that the one that loomed.
No, it’s just me. And I can’t hear anyone, anywhere. I have to be fairly close.
The more familiar someone’s…‘voice’ is, the farther away I can hear them. But still, nomore than a few miles.” I tried to think of a way to describe it so that she wouldunderstand. An analogy that she could relate to. “It’s a little like being in a huge hallfilled with people, everyone talking at once. It’s just a hum—a buzzing of voices in thebackground. Until I focus on one voice, and then what they’re thinking is clear. Most ofthe time I tune it all out—it can be very distracting. And then it’s easier to seem normal
I grimaced— “when I’m not accidentally answering someone’s thoughts rather thantheir words.
Why do you think you can’t hear me?” she wondered.
I gave her another truth and another analogy.
I don’t know,” I admitted. “The only guess I have is that maybe your minddoesn’t work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AMfrequency and I’m only getting FM.
I realized that she would not like this analogy. The anticipation of her reactionhad me smiling. She didn’t disappoint.
My mind doesn’t work right?” she asked, her voice rising with chagrin. “I’m afreak
Ah, the irony again.
I hear voices in my mind and you’re worried that you’re the freak.” I laughed.
She understood all the small things, and yet the big ones she got backwards. Always thewrong instincts…Bella was gnawing on her lip, and the crease between her eyes was etched deep.
Don’t worry,” I reassured her. “It’s just a theory…” And there was a moreimportant theory to be discussed. I was anxious to get it over with. Each passing secondwas beginning to feel more and more like borrowed time.
Which brings us back to you,” I said, divided in two, both anxious and reluctant.
She sighed, still chewing her lip—I worried that she would hurt herself. Shestared into my eyes, her face troubled.
Aren’t we past all the evasions now?” I asked quietly.
She looked down, struggling with some internal dilemma. Suddenly, shestiffened and her eyes flew wide open. Fear flashed across her face for the first time.
Holy crow!” she gasped.
I panicked. What had she seen? How had I frightened her
Then she shouted, “Slow down
What’s wrong?” I didn’t understand where her terror was coming from.
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