Truly, I was not thirsty, but I decided to hunt again that night. A small ounce ofprevention, inadequate though I knew it to be.
Carlisle came with me; we hadn’t been alone together since I’d returned fromDenali. As we ran through the black forest, I heard him thinking about that hastygoodbye last week.
In his memory, I saw the way my features had been twisted in fierce despair. Ifelt his surprise and sudden worry.
Edward
I have to go, Carlisle. I have to go now.
What’s happened
Nothing. Yet. But it will, if I stay.
He’d reached for my arm. I felt how it had hurt him when I’d cringed away fromhis hand.
I don’t understand.
Have you ever…has there ever been a time
I watched myself take a deep breath, saw the wild light in my eyes through thefilter of his deep concern.
Has any one person ever smelled better to you than the rest of them? Muchbetter
Oh.
When I’d known that he understood, my face had fallen with shame. He’dreached out to touch me, ignoring it when I’d recoiled again, and left his hand on myshoulder.
Do what you must to resist, son. I will miss you. Here, take my car. It’sfaster.
He was wondering now if he’d done the right thing then, sending me away.
Wondering if he hadn’t hurt me with his lack of trust.
No,” I whispered as I ran. “That was what I needed. I might so easily havebetrayed that trust, if you’d told me to stay.
I’m sorry you’re suffering, Edward. But you should do what you can to keep theSwan child alive. Even if it means that you must leave us again.
I know, I know.
Why did you come back? You know how happy I am to have you here, but ifthis is too difficult
I didn’t like feeling a coward,” I admitted.
We’d slowed—we were barely jogging through the darkness now.
Better that than to put her in danger. She’ll be gone in a year or two.
You’re right, I know that.” Contrarily, though, his words only made me moreanxious to stay. The girl would be gone in a year or two…Carlisle stopped running and I stopped with him; he turned to examine myexpression.
But you’re not going to run, are you
I hung my head.
Is it pride, Edward? There’s no shame in—“No, it isn’t pride that keeps me here. Not now.
Nowhere to go
I laughed shortly. “No. That wouldn’t stop me, if I could make myself leave.
We’ll come with you, of course, if that’s what you need. You only have to ask.
You’ve moved on without complaint for the rest of them. They won’t begrudge youthis.
I raised one eyebrow.
He laughed. “Yes, Rosalie might, but she owes you. Anyway, it’s much betterfor us to leave now, no damage done, than for us to leave later, after a life has beenended.” All humor was gone by the end.
I flinched at his words.
Yes,” I agreed. My voice sounded hoarse.
But you’re not leaving
I sighed. “I should.
What holds you here, Edward? I’m failing to see
I don’t know if I can explain.” Even to myself, it made no sense.
He measured my expression for a long moment.
No, I do not see. But I will respect your privacy, if you prefer.
Thank you. It’s generous of you, seeing as how I give privacy to no one.” Withone exception. And I was doing what I could to deprive her of that, wasn’t I
We all have our quirks. He laughed again. Shall we
He’d just caught the scent of a small herd of deer. It was hard to rally muchenthusiasm for what was, even under the best of circumstances, a less thanmouthwatering aroma. Right now, with the memory of the girl’s blood fresh in my mind,the smell actually turned my stomach.
I sighed. “Let’s,” I agreed, though I knew that forcing more blood down mythroat would help so little.
We both shifted into a hunting crouch and let the unappealing scent pull ussilently forward.
It was colder when we returned home. The melted snow had refrozen; it was as if a thinsheet of glass covered everything—each pine needle, each fern frond, each blade of grasswas iced over.
While Carlisle went to dress for his early shift at the hospital, I stayed by theriver, waiting for the sun to rise. I felt almost swollen from the amount of blood I’dconsumed, but I knew the lack of actual thirst would mean little when I sat beside the girlagain.
Cool and motionless as the stone I sat on, I stared at the dark water running besidethe icy bank, stared right through it.
Carlisle was right. I should leave Forks. They could spread some story to explainmy absence. Boarding school in Europe. Visiting distant relatives. Teenage runaway.
The story didn’t matter. No one would question too intensely.
It was just a year or two, and then the girl would disappear. She would go on withher life—she would have a life to go on with. She’d go to college somewhere, get older,start a career, perhaps marry someone. I could picture that—I could see the girl dressedall in white and walking at a measured pace, her arm through her father’s.
It was odd, the pain that image caused me. I couldn’t understand it. Was Ijealous, because she had a future that I could never have? That made no sense. Everyone of the humans around me had that same potential ahead of them—a life—and I rarelystopped to envy them.
I should leave her to her future. Stop risking her life. That was the right thing todo. Carlisle always chose the right way. I should listen to him now.
The sun rose behind the clouds, and the faint light glistened off all the frozenglass.
One more day, I decided. I would see her one more time. I could handle that.
Perhaps I would mention my pending disappearance, set the story up.
This was going to be difficult; I could feel that in the heavy reluctance that wasalready making me think of excuses to stay—to extend the deadline to two days, three,four… But I would do the right thing. I knew I could trust Carlisle’s advice. And I alsoknew that I was too conflicted to make the right decision alone.
Much too conflicted. How much of this reluctance came from my obsessivecuriosity, and how much came from my unsatisfied appetite
I went inside to change into fresh clothes for school.
Alice was waiting for me, sitting on the top step at the edge of the third floor.
You’re leaving again, she accused me.
I sighed and nodded.
I can’t see where you’re going this time.
I don’t know where I’m going yet,” I whispered.
I want you to stay.
I shook my head.
Maybe Jazz and I could come with you
They’ll need you all the more, if I’m not here to watch out for them. And thinkof Esme. Would you take half her family away in one blow
You’re going to make her so sad.
I know. That’s why you have to stay.
That’s not the same as having you here, and you know it.
Yes. But I have to do what’s right.
There are many right ways, and many wrong ways, though, aren’t there
For a brief moment she was swept away into one of her strange visions; I watchedalong with her as the indistinct images flickered and whirled. I saw myself mixed in withstrange shadows that I couldn’t make out—hazy, imprecise forms. And then, suddenly,my skin was glittering in the bright sunlight of a small open meadow. This was a place Iknew. There was a figure in the meadow with me, but, again, it was indistinct, not thereenough to recognize. The images shivered and disappeared as a million tiny choicesrearranged the future again.
I didn’t catch much of that,” I told her when the vision went dark.
Me either. Your future is shifting around so much I can’t keep up with any of it. Ithink, though…She stopped, and she flipped through a vast collection of other recent visions forme. They were all the same—blurry and vague.
I think something is changing, though,” she said out loud. “Your life seems to beat a crossroads.
I laughed grimly. “You do realize that you sound like a bogus gypsy at a carnivalnow, right
She stuck her tiny tongue out at me.
Today is all right, though, isn’t it?” I asked, my voice abruptly apprehensive.
I don’t see you killing anyone today,” she assured me.
Thanks, Alice.
Go get dressed. I won’t say anything—I’ll let you tell the others when you’reready.
She stood and darted back down the stairs, her shoulders hunched slightly. Missyou. Really.
Yes, I would really miss her, too.
It was a quiet ride to school. Jasper could tell that Alice was upset aboutsomething, but he knew that if she wanted to talk about it she would have done soalready. Emmett and Rosalie were oblivious, having another of their moments, gazinginto each others’ eyes with wonder—it was rather disgusting to watch from the outside.
We were all quite aware how desperately in love they were. Or maybe I was just beingbitter because I was the only one alone. Some days it was harder than others to live withthree sets of perfectly matched lovers. This was one of them.
Maybe they would all be happier without me hanging around, ill-tempered andbelligerent as the old man I should be by now.
Of course, the first thing I did when we reached the school was to look for thegirl. Just preparing myself again.
Right.
It was embarrassing how my world suddenly seemed to be empty of everythingbut her—my whole existence centered around the girl, rather than around myselfanymore.
It was easy enough to understand, though, really; after eighty years of the samething every day and every night, any change became a point of absorption.
She had not yet arrived, but could I hear the thunderous chugging of her truck’sengine in the distance. I leaned against the side of the car to wait. Alice stayed with me,while the others went straight to class. They were bored with my fixation—it wasincomprehensible to them how any human could hold my interest for so long, no matterhow delicious she smelled.
The girl drove slowly into view, her eyes intent on the road and her hands tight onthe wheel. She seemed anxious about something. It took me a second to figure out whatthat something was, to realize that every human wore the same expression today. Ah, theroad was slick with ice, and they were all trying to drive more carefully. I could see shewas taking the added risk seriously.
That seemed in line with what little I had learned of her character. I added this tomy small list: she was a serious person, a responsible person.
She parked not too far from me, but she hadn’t noticed me standing here yet,staring at her. I wondered what she would do when she did? Blush and walk away
That was my first guess. But maybe she would stare back. Maybe she would come totalk to me.
I took a deep breath, filling my lungs hopefully, just in case.
She got out of the truck with care, testing the slick ground before she put herweight on it. She didn’t look up, and that frustrated me. Maybe I would go talk to her…No, that would be wrong.
Instead of turning toward the school, she made her way to the rear of her truck,clinging to the side of the truck bed in a droll way, not trusting her footing. It made mesmile, and I felt Alice’s eyes on my face. I didn’t listen to whatever this made herthink—I was having too much fun watching the girl check her snow chains. She actuallylooked in some danger of falling, the way her feet were sliding around. No one else washaving trouble—had she parked in the worst of the ice
She paused there, staring down with a strange expression on her face. Itwas…tender? As if something about the tire was making her…emotional
Again, the curiosity ached like a thirst. It was as if I had to know what she wasthinking—as if nothing else mattered.
I would go talk to her. She looked like she could use a hand anyway, at least untilshe was off the slick pavement. Of course, I couldn’t offer her that, could I? I hesitated,torn. As adverse as she seemed to be to snow, she would hardly welcome the touch ofmy cold white hand. I should have worn gloves—“NO!” Alice gasped aloud.
Instantly, I scanned her thoughts, guessing at first that I had made a poor choiceand she saw me doing something inexcusable. But it had nothing to do with me at all.
Tyler Crowley had chosen to take the turn into the parking lot at an injudiciousspeed. This choice would send him skidding across a patch of ice…The vision came just half a second before the reality. Tyler’s van rounded thecorner as I was still watching the conclusion that had pulled the horrified gasp throughAlice’s lips.
No, this vision had nothing to do with me, and yet it had everything to do withme, because Tyler’s van—the tires right now hitting the ice at the worst possible angle— was going to spin across the lot and crush the girl who had become the uninvited focalpoint of my world.
Even without Alice’s foresight it would have been simple enough to read thetrajectory of the vehicle, flying out of Tyler’s control.
The girl, standing in the exactly wrong place at the back of her truck, looked up,bewildered by the sound of the screeching tires. She looked straight into my horror-struck eyes, and then turned to watch her approaching death.
Not her! The words shouted in my head as if they belonged to someone else.
Still locked into Alice’s thoughts, I saw the vision suddenly shift, but I had notime to see what the outcome would be.
I launched myself across the lot, throwing myself between the skidding van andthe frozen girl. I moved so fast that everything was a streaky blur except for the object ofmy focus. She didn’t see me—no human eyes could have followed my flight—stillstaring at the hulking shape that was about to grind her body into the metal frame of hertruck.
I caught her around the waist, moving with too much urgency to be as gentle asshe would need me to be. In the hundredth of a second between the time that I yankedher slight form out of the path of death and the time that I crashed into to the ground withher in my arms, I was vividly aware of her fragile, breakable body.
When I heard her head crack against the ice, it felt like I had turned to ice, too.
But I didn’t even have a full second to ascertain her condition. I heard the vanbehind us, grating and squealing as it twisted around the sturdy iron body of the girl’struck. It was changing course, arcing, coming for her again—like she was a magnet,pulling it toward us.
A word I’d never said before in the presence of a lady slid between my clenchedteeth.
I had already done too much. As I’d nearly flown through the air to push her outof the way, I’d been fully aware of the mistake I was making. Knowing that it was amistake did not stop me, but I was not oblivious to the risk I was taking—taking, not justfor myself, but for my entire family.
Exposure.
And this certainly wasn’t going to help, but there was no way I was going toallow the van to succeed in its second attempt to take her life.
I dropped her and threw my hands out, catching the van before it could touch thegirl. The force of it hurled me back into the car parked beside her truck, and I could feelits frame buckle behind my shoulders. The van shuddered and shivered against theunyielding obstacle of my arms, and then swayed, balancing unstably on the two far tires.
If I moved my hands, the back tire of the van was going fall onto her legs.
Oh, for the love of all that was holy, would the catastrophes never end? Was thereanything else that could go wrong? I could hardly sit here, holding the van in the air, andwait for rescue. Nor could I throw the van away—there was the driver to consider, histhoughts incoherent with panic.
With an internal groan, I shoved the van so that it rocked away from us for aninstant. As it fell back toward me, I caught it under the frame with my right hand while Iwrapped my left arm around the girl’s waist again and drug her out from under the van,pulling her tight up against my side. Her body moved limply as I swung her around sothat her legs would be in the clear—was she conscious? How much damage had I doneto her in my impromptu rescue attempt
I let the van drop, now that it could not hurt her. It crashed to the pavement, allthe windows shattering in unison.
I knew that I was in the middle of a crisis. How much had she seen? Had anyother witnesses watched me materialize at her side and then juggle the van while I tried tokeep her out from under it? These questions should be my biggest concern.
But I was too anxious to really care about the threat of exposure as much as Ishould. Too panic-stricken that I might have injured her myself in my effort to protecther. Too frightened to have her this close to me, knowing what I would smell if I allowedmyself to inhale. Too aware of the heat of her soft body, pressed against mine—eventhrough the double obstacle of our jackets, I could feel that heat…The first fear was the greatest fear. As the screaming of the witnesses eruptedaround us, I leaned down to examine her face, to see if she was conscious—hopingfiercely that she was not bleeding anywhere.
Her eyes were open, staring in shock.
Bella?” I asked urgently. “Are you all right
I’m fine.” She said the words automatically in a dazed voice.
Relief, so exquisite it was nearly pain, washed through me at the sound of hervoice. I sucked in a breath through my teeth, and did not mind the accompanying burn inmy throat. I almost welcomed it.
She struggled to sit up, but I was not ready to release her. It feltsomehow…safer? Better, at least, having her tucked into my side.
Be careful,” I warned her. “I think you hit your head pretty hard.
There had been no smell of fresh blood—a mercy, that—but this did not rule outinternal damage. I was abruptly anxious to get her to Carlisle and a full compliment ofradiology equipment.
Ow,” she said, her tone comically shocked as she realized I was right about herhead.
That’s what I thought.” Relief made it funny to me, made me almost giddy.
How in the…” Her voice trailed off, and her eyelids fluttered. “How did youget over here so fast
The relief turned sour, the humor vanished. She had noticed too much.
Now that it appeared that the girl was in decent shape, the anxiety for my familybecame severe.
I was standing right next to you, Bella.” I knew from experience that if I wasvery confident as I lied, it made any questioner less sure of the truth.
She struggled to move again, and this time I allowed it. I needed to breathe sothat I could play my role correctly. I needed space from her warm-blooded heat so that itwould not combine with her scent to overwhelm me. I slid away from her, as far as waspossible in the small space between the wrecked vehicles.
She stared up at me, and I stared back. To look away first was a mistake only anincompetent liar would make, and I was not an incompetent liar. My expression wassmooth, benign… It seemed to confuse her. That was good.
The accident scene was surrounded now. Mostly students, children, peering andpushing through the cracks to see if any mangled bodies were visible. There was a babble of shouting and a gush of shocked thought. I scanned the thoughts once to makesure there were no suspicions yet, and then tuned it out and concentrated only on the girl.
She was distracted by the bedlam. She glanced around, her expression stillstunned, and tried to get to her feet.
I put my hand lightly on her shoulder to hold her down.
Just stay put for now.” She seemed alright, but should she really be moving herneck? Again, I wished for Carlisle. My years of theoretical medical study were no matchfor his centuries of hands-on medical practice.
But it’s cold,” she objected.
She had almost been crushed to death two distinct times and crippled one more,and it was the cold that worried her. A chuckle slid through my teeth before I couldremember that the situation was not funny.
Bella blinked, and then her eyes focused on my face. “You were over there.
That sobered me again.
She glanced toward the south, though there was nothing to see now but thecrumpled side of the van. “You were by your car.
No, I wasn’t.
I saw you,” she insisted; her voice was childlike when she was being stubborn.
Her chin jutted out.
Bella, I was standing with you, and I pulled you out of the way.
I stared deeply into her wide eyes, trying to will her into accepting my version—the only rational version on the table.
Her jaw set. “No.
I tried to stay calm, to not panic. If only I could keep her quiet for a fewmoments, to give me a chance to destroy the evidence….and undermine her story bydisclosing her head injury.
Shouldn’t it be easy to keep this silent, secretive girl quiet? If only she wouldtrust me, just for a few moments…“Please, Bella,” I said, and my voice was too intense, because I suddenly wantedher to trust me. Wanted it badly, and not just in regards to this accident. A stupid desire.
What sense would it make for her to trust me
Why?” she asked, still defensive.
Trust me,” I pleaded.
Will you promise to explain everything to me later
It made me angry to have to lie to her again, when I so much wished that I couldsomehow deserve her trust. So, when I answered her, it was a retort.
Fine.
Fine,” she echoed in the same tone.
While the rescue attempt began around us—adults arriving, authorities called,sirens in the distance—I tried to ignore the girl and get my priorities in the right order. Isearched through every mind in the lot, the witnesses and the latecomers both, but I couldfind nothing dangerous. Many were surprised to see me here beside Bella, but allconcluded—as there was no other possible conclusion—that they had just not noticed mestanding by the girl before the accident.
She was the only one who didn’t accept the easy explanation, but she would beconsidered the least reliable witness. She had been frightened, traumatized, not tomention sustaining the blow to the head. Possibly in shock. It would be acceptable forher story to be confused, wouldn’t it? No one would give it much credence above somany other spectators…I winced when I caught the thoughts of Rosalie, Jasper and Emmett, just arrivingon the scene. There would be hell to pay for this tonight.
I wanted to iron out the indention my shoulders had made against the tan car, butthe girl was too close. I’d have to wait till she was distracted.
It was frustrating to wait—so many eyes on me—as the humans struggled withthe van, trying to pull it away from us. I might have helped them, just to speed theprocess, but I was already in enough trouble and the girl had sharp eyes. Finally, theywere able to shift it far enough away for the EMTs to get to us with their stretchers.
A familiar, grizzled face appraised me.
Hey, Edward,” Brett Warner said. He was also a registered nurse, and I knewhim well from the hospital. It was a stroke of luck—the only luck today—that he was thefirst through to us. In his thoughts, he was noting that I looked alert and calm. “Youokay, kid
Perfect, Brett. Nothing touched me. But I’m afraid Bella here might have aconcussion. She really hit her head when I yanked her out of the way
Brett turned his attention to the girl, who shot me a fierce look of betrayal. Oh,that was right. She was the quiet martyr—she’d prefer to suffer in silence.
She did not contradict my story immediately, though, and this made me feeleasier.
The next EMT tried to insist that I allow myself to be treated, but it wasn’t toodifficult to dissuade him. I promised I would let my father examine me, and he let it go.
With most humans, speaking with cool assurance was all that was needed. Most humans,just not the girl, of course. Did she fit into any of the normal patterns
As they put a neck brace on her—and her face flushed scarlet withembarrassment—I used the moment of distraction to quietly rearrange the shape of thedent in the tan car with the back of my foot. Only my siblings noticed what I was doing,and I heard Emmett’s mental promise to catch anything I missed.
Grateful for his help—and more grateful that Emmett, at least, had alreadyforgiven my dangerous choice—I was more relaxed as I climbed into the front seat of theambulance next to Brett.
The chief of police arrived before they had gotten Bella into the back of theambulance.
Though Bella’s father’s thoughts were past words, the panic and concernemanating out of the man’s mind drown out just about every other thought in the vicinity.
Wordless anxiety and guilt, a great swell of them, washed out of him as he saw his onlydaughter on the gurney.
Washed out of him and through me, echoing and growing stronger. When Alicehad warned me that killing Charlie Swan’s daughter would kill him, too, she had not beenexaggerating.
My head bowed with that guilt as I listened to his panicked voice.
Bella!” he shouted.
I’m completely fine, Char—Dad.” She sighed. “There’s nothing wrong withme.
Her assurance barely soothed his dread. He turned at once to the closest EMT anddemanded more information.
I wasn’t until I heard him speaking, forming perfectly coherent sentences despitehis panic, that I realized that his anxiety and concern were not wordless. I just…couldnot hear the exact words.
Hmm. Charlie Swan was not as silent as his daughter, but I could see where shegot it from. Interesting.
I’d never spent much time around the town’s police chief. I’d always taken himfor a man of slow thought—now I realized that I was the one who was slow. Histhoughts were partially concealed, not absent. I could only make out the tenor, the toneof them…I wanted to listen harder, to see if I could find in this new, lesser puzzle the key tothe girl’s secrets. But Bella was loaded into the back by then, and the ambulance was onits way.
It was hard to tear myself away from this possible solution to the mystery that hadcome to obsess me. But I had to think now—to look at what had been done today fromevery angle. I had to listen, to make sure that I had not put us all in so much danger thatwe would have to leave immediately. I had to concentrate.
There was nothing in the thoughts of the EMTs to worry me. As far as they couldtell, there was nothing seriously wrong with the girl. And Bella was sticking to the storyI’d provided, thus far.
The first priority, when we reached the hospital, was to see Carlisle. I hurriedthrough the automatic doors, but I was unable to totally forgo watching after Bella; I keptan eye on her through the paramedics’ thoughts.
It was easy to find my father’s familiar mind. He was in his small office, allalone—the second stroke of luck in this luckless day.
Carlisle.
He’d heard my approach, and he was alarmed as soon as he saw my face. Hejumped to his feet, his face paling to bone white. He leaned forward across the neatlyorganized walnut desk.
Edward—you didn’t— “No, no, it’s not that.
He took deep breath. Of course not. I’m sorry I entertained the thought. Youreyes, of course, I should have known… He noted my still-golden eyes with relief.
She’s hurt, though, Carlisle, probably not seriously, but
What happened
A stupid car accident. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. But Icouldn’t just stand there—let it crush her
Start over, I don’t understand. How were you involved
A van skidded across the ice,” I whispered. I stared at the wall behind him whileI spoke. Instead of a throng of framed diplomas, he had one simple oil painting—afavorite of his, an undiscovered Hassam. “She was in the way. Alice saw it coming, butthere wasn’t time to do anything but really run across the lot and shove her out of theway. No one noticed…except for her. I had to stop the van, too, but again, nobody sawthat…besides her. I’m…I’m sorry Carlisle. I didn’t mean to put us in danger.
He circled the desk and put his hand on my shoulder.
You did the right thing. And it couldn’t have been easy for you. I’m proud of you,Edward.
I could look him in the eye then. “She knows there’s something…wrong withme.
That doesn’t matter. If we have to leave, we leave. What has she said
I shook my head, a little frustrated. “Nothing yet.
Yet
She agreed to my version of events—but she’s expecting an explanation.
He frowned, pondering this.
She hit her head—well, I did that,” I continued quickly. “I knocked her to theground fairly hard. She seems fine, but… I don’t think it will take much to discredit heraccount.
I felt like a cad just saying the words.
Carlisle heard the distaste in my voice. Perhaps that won’t be necessary. Let’ssee what happens, shall we? It sounds like I have a patient to check on.
Please,” I said. “I’m so worried that I hurt her.
Carlisle’s expression brightened. He smoothed his fair hair—just a few shadeslighter than his golden eyes—and he laughed.
It’s been an interesting day for you, hasn’t it? In his mind, I could see the irony,and it was humorous, at least to him. Quite the reversal of roles. Somewhere during thatshort thoughtless second when I’d sprinted across the icy lot, I had transformed fromkiller to protector.
I laughed with him, remembering how sure I’d been that Bella would never needprotecting from anything more than myself. There was an edge to my laugh because, vannotwithstanding, that was still entirely true.
I waited alone in Carlisle’s office—one of the longer hours I had ever lived—listening tothe hospital full of thoughts.
Tyler Crowley, the van’s driver, looked to be hurt worse than Bella, and theattention shifted to him while she waited her turn to be X-rayed. Carlisle kept in thebackground, trusting the PA’s diagnosis that the girl was only slightly injured. This mademe anxious, but I knew he was right. One glance at his face and she would beimmediately reminded of me, of the fact that there was something not right about myfamily, and that might set her talking.
She certainly had a willing enough partner to converse with. Tyler was consumedwith guilt over the fact that he had almost killed her, and he couldn’t seem to shut upabout it. I could see her expression through his eyes, and it was clear that she wished hewould stop. How did he not see that
There was a tense moment for me when Tyler asked her how she’d gotten out ofthe way.
I waited, not breathing, as she hesitated.
Um...” he heard her say. Then she paused for so long that Tyler wondered if hisquestion had confused her. Finally, she went on. “Edward pulled me out of the way.
I exhaled. And then my breathing accelerated. I’d never heard her speak myname before. I like the way it sounded—even just hearing it through Tyler’s thoughts. Iwanted to hear it for myself… “Edward Cullen,” she said, when Tyler didn’t realize who she meant. I foundmyself at the door, my hand on the knob. The desire to see her was growing stronger. Ihad to remind myself of the need for caution.
He was standing next to me.
Cullen?” Huh. That’s weird. “I didn’t see him.” I could have sworn… “Wow,it was all so fast, I guess. Is he okay
I think so. He’s here somewhere, but they didn’t make him use a stretcher.
I saw the thoughtful look on her face, the suspicious tightening of her eyes, butthese little changes in her expression were lost on Tyler.
She’s pretty, he was thinking, almost in surprise. Even all messed up. Not myusual type, still… I should take her out. Make up for today…I was out in the hall, then, halfway to the emergency room, without thinking forone second about what I was doing. Luckily, the nurse entered the room before I could—it was Bella’s turn for X-rays. I leaned against the wall in a dark nook just around thecorner, and tried to get a grip on myself while she was wheeled away.
It didn’t matter that Tyler thought she was pretty. Anyone would notice that.
There was no reason for me to feel…how did I feel? Annoyed? Or was angry closer tothe truth? That made no sense at all.
I stayed where I was for as long as I could, but impatience got the best of me and Itook a back way around to the radiology room. She’d already been moved back to theER, but I was able to take a peek at her x-rays while the nurse’s back was turned.
I felt calmer when I had. Her head was fine. I hadn’t hurt her, not really.
Carlisle caught me there.
You look better, he commented.
I just looked straight ahead. We weren’t alone, the halls full of orderlies andvisitors.
Ah, yes. He stuck her x-rays to the lightboard, but I didn’t need a second look. Isee. She’s absolutely fine. Well done, Edward.
The sound of my father’s approval created a mixed reaction in me. I would havebeen pleased, except that I knew that he would not approve of what I was going to donow. At least, he would not approve if he knew my real motivations… “I think I’m going to go talk to her—before she sees you,” I murmured under mybreath. “Act natural, like nothing happened. Smooth it over.” All acceptable reasons.
Carlisle nodded absently, still looking over the x-rays. “Good idea. Hmm.
I looked to see what had his interest.
Look at all the healed contusions! How many times did her mother drop her
Carlisle laughed to himself at his joke.
I’m beginning to think the girl just has really bad luck. Always in the wrongplace at the wrong time.
Forks is certainly the wrong place for her, with you here.
I flinched.
Go ahead. Smooth things over. I’ll join you momentarily.
I walked away quickly, feeling guilty. Perhaps I was too good a liar, if I couldfool Carlisle.
When I got to the ER, Tyler was mumbling under his breath, still apologizing.
The girl was trying to escape his remorse by pretending to sleep. Her eyes were closed,but her breathing was not even, and now and then her fingers would twitch impatiently.
I stared at her face for a long moment. This was the last time I would see her.
That fact triggered an acute aching in my chest. Was it because I hated to leave anypuzzle unsolved? That did not seem like enough of an explanation.
Finally, I took a deep breath and moved into view.
When Tyler saw me, he started to speak, but I put one finger to my lips.
Is she sleeping?” I murmured.
Bella’s eyes snapped open and focused on my face. They widened momentarily,and then narrowed in anger or suspicion. I remembered that I had a role to play, so Ismiled at her as if nothing unusual had happened this morning—besides a blow to herhead and a bit of imagination run wild.
Hey, Edward,” Tyler said. “I’m really sorry
I raised one hand to halt his apology. “No blood, no foul,” I said wryly. Withoutthinking, I smiled too widely at my private joke.
It was amazingly easy to ignore Tyler, lying no more than four feet from me,covered in fresh blood. I’d never understood how Carlisle was able to do that—ignore the blood of his patients in order to treat them. Wouldn’t the constant temptation be sodistracting, so dangerous…? But, now… I could see how, if you were focusing onsomething else hard enough, the temptation was be nothing at all.
Even fresh and exposed, Tyler’s blood had nothing on Bella’s.
I kept my distance from her, seating myself on the foot of Tyler’s mattress.
So, what’s the verdict?” I asked her.
Her lower lip pushed out a little. “There’s nothing wrong with me at all, but theywon’t let me go. How come you aren’t strapped to a gurney like the rest of us
Her impatience made me smile again.
I could hear Carlisle in the hall now.
It’s all about who you know,” I said lightly. “But don’t worry, I came to springyou.
I watched her reaction carefully as my father entered the room. Her eyes widenedand her mouth actually fell open in surprise. I groaned internally. Yes, she’d certainlynoticed the resemblance.
So, Miss Swan, how are you feeling?” Carlisle asked. He had a wonderfullysoothing beside manner that put most patients at ease within moments. I couldn’t tellhow it affected Bella.
I’m fine,” she said quietly.
Carlisle clipped her X-rays to the lightboard by the bed. “Your X-rays look good.
Does your head hurt? Edward said you hit it pretty hard.
She sighed, and said, “I’m fine,” again, but this time impatience leaked into hervoice. Then she glowered once in my direction.
Carlisle stepped closer to her and ran his fingers gently over her scalp until hefound the bump under her hair.
I was caught off guard by the wave of emotion that crashed over me.
I had seen Carlisle work with humans a thousand times. Years ago, I had evenassisted him informally—though only in situations where blood was not involved. So itwasn’t a new thing to me, to watch him interact with the girl as if he were as human asshe was. I’d envied his control many times, but that was not the same as this emotion. I envied him more than his control. I ached for the difference between Carlisle and me—that he could touch her so gently, without fear, knowing he would never harm her…She winced, and I twitched in my seat. I had to concentrate for a moment to keepmy relaxed posture.
Tender?” Carlisle asked.
Her chin jerked up a fraction. “Not really,” she said.
Another small piece of her character fell into place: she was brave. She didn’tlike to show weakness.
Possibly the most vulnerable creature I’d ever seen, and she didn’t want to seemweak. A chuckle slid through my lips.
She shot another glare at me.
Well,” Carlisle said. “Your father is in the waiting room—you can go homewith him now. But come back if you feel dizzy or have trouble with your eyesight at all.
Her father was here? I swept through the thoughts in the crowded waiting room,but I couldn’t pick his subtle mental voice out of the group before she was speakingagain, her face anxious.
Can’t I go back to school
Maybe you should take it easy today,” Carlisle suggested.
Her eyes flickered back to me. “Does he get to go to school
Act normal, smooth things over…ignore the way it feels when she looks me in theeye…“Someone has to spread the good news that we survived,” I said.
Actually,” Carlisle corrected, “most of the school seems to be in the waitingroom.
I anticipated her reaction this time—her aversion to attention. She didn’tdisappoint.
Oh no,” she moaned, and she put her hands over her face.
I liked that I’d finally guessed right. I was beginning to understand her…“Do you want to stay?” Carlisle asked.
No, no!” she said quickly, swinging her legs over the side of the mattress andsliding down till her feet were on the floor. She stumbled forward, off-balance, intoCarlisle’s arms. He caught and steadied her.
Again, the envy flooded through me.
I’m fine,” she said before he could comment, faint pink in her cheeks.
Of course, that wouldn’t bother Carlisle. He made sure she was balanced, andthen dropped his hands.
Take some Tylenol for the pain,” he instructed.
It doesn’t hurt that bad.
Carlisle smiled as he signed her chart. “It sounds like you were extremely lucky.
She turned her face slightly, to stare at me with hard eyes. “Lucky Edwardhappened to be standing next to me.
Oh, well, yes,” Carlisle agreed quickly, hearing the same thing in her voice that Iheard. She hadn’t written her suspicions off as imagination. Not yet.
All yours, Carlisle thought. Handle it as you think best.
Thanks so much,” I whispered, quick and quiet. Neither human heard me.
Carlisle’s lips turned up a tiny bit at my sarcasm as he turned to Tyler. “I’m afraid thatyou’ll have to stay with us just a little bit longer,” he said as he began examining theslashes left by the shattered windshield.
Well, I’d made the mess, so it was only fair that I had to deal with it.
Bella walked deliberately toward me, not stopping until she was uncomfortablyclose. I remembered how I had hoped, before all the mayhem, that she would approachme… This was like a mockery of that wish.
Can I talk to you for a minute?” she hissed at me.
Her warm breath brushed my face and I had to stagger back a step. Her appealhad not abated one bit. Every time she was near me, it triggered all my worst, mosturgent instincts. Venom flowed in my mouth and my body yearned to strike—to wrenchher into my arms and crush her throat to my teeth.
My mind was stronger than my body, but only just.
Your father is waiting for you,” I reminded her, my jaw clenched tight.
She glanced toward Carlisle and Tyler. Tyler was paying us no attention at all,but Carlisle was monitoring my every breath.
Carefully, Edward.
I’d like to speak to you alone, if you don’t mind,” she insisted in a low voice.
I wanted to tell her that I did mind very much, but I knew I would have to do thiseventually. I may as well get on with it.
I was full of so many conflicting emotions as I stalked out of the room, listeningto her stumbling footsteps behind me, trying to keep up.
I had a show to put on now. I knew the role I would play—I had the characterdown: I would be the villain. I would lie and ridicule and be cruel.
It went against all my better impulses—the human impulses that I’d clung tothrough all these years. I’d never wanted to deserve trust more than in this moment,when I had to destroy all possibility of it.
It made it worse to know that this would be the last memory she would have ofme. This was my farewell scene.
I turned on her.
What do you want?” I asked coldly.
She cringed back slightly from my hostility. Her eyes turned bewildered, theexpression that had haunted me…“You owe me an explanation,” she said in a small voice; her ivory face blanched.
It was very hard to keep my voice harsh. “I saved your life—I don’t owe youanything.
She flinched—it burned like acid to watch my words hurt her.
You promised,” she whispered.
Bella, you hit your head, you don’t know what you’re talking about.
Her chin came up then. “There’s nothing wrong with my head.
She was angry now, and that made it easier for me. I met her glare, making myface more unfriendly.
What do you want from me, Bella
I want to know the truth. I want to know why I’m lying for you.
What she wanted was only fair—it frustrated me to have to deny her.
What do you think happened?” I nearly growled at her.
Her words poured out in a torrent. “All I know is that you weren’t anywhere nearme—Tyler didn’t see you, either, so don’t tell me I hit my head too hard. That van wasgoing to crush us both—and it didn’t, and your hands left dents in the side of it—and youleft a dent in the other car, and you’re not hurt at all—and the van should have smashedmy legs, but you were holding it up…” Suddenly, she clenched her teeth together andher eyes were glistening with unshed tears.
I stared at her, my expression derisive, though what I really felt was awe; she hadseen everything.
You think I lifted a van off you?” I asked sarcastically.
She answered with one stiff nod.
My voice grew more mocking. “Nobody will believe that, you know.
She made an effort to control her anger. When she answered me, she spoke eachword with slow deliberation. “I’m not going to tell anybody.
She meant it—I could see that in her eyes. Even furious and betrayed, she wouldkeep my secret.
Why
The shock of it ruined my carefully designed expression for half a second, andthen I pulled myself together.
Then why does it matter?” I asked, working to keep my voice severe.
It matters to me,” she said intensely. “I don’t like to lie—so there’d better be agood reason why I’m doing it.
She was asking me to trust her. Just as I wanted her to trust me. But this was aline I could not cross.
My voice stayed callous. “Can’t you just thank me and get it over with
Thank you,” she said, and then she fumed silently, waiting.
You’re not going to let it go, are you
No.
In that case…” I couldn’t tell her the truth if I wanted to…and I didn’t want to.
I’d rather she made up her own story than know what I was, because nothing could be worse than the truth—I was a living nightmare, straight from the pages of a horror novel.
I hope you enjoy disappointment.
We scowled at each other. It was odd how endearing her anger was. Like afurious kitten, soft and harmless, and so unaware of her own vulnerability.
She flushed pink and ground her teeth together again. “Why did you evenbother
Her question wasn’t one that I was expecting or prepared to answer. I lost myhold on the role I was playing. I felt the mask slip from my face, and I told her—this onetime—the truth.
I don’t know.
I memorized her face one last time—it was still set in lines of anger, the blood notyet faded from her cheeks—and then I turned and walked away from her.